Some people write "We're going to the BDSM Ball," and some write "W/we're going to the BDSM Ball." Which is it really? This so-called “Internet-Style” of writing is a convention of chatrooms but has become prevalent in other places. The challenge is that when not in the chatroom, it can be confusing to readers who are unfamiliar with what it all means. Even worse, because it does not follow standard rules of English and is visually distracting, readers can become irritated and ignore what was written. As a convention for chatrooms it is an useful mode of communication, but it may not be an effective communication style for other venues.

Internet writing style was born in the chatrooms, where a person is identified only by a typed name. It provides participants with an easy way to remember others in the room as well as identify gender and orientation, something particularly important when looking for a partner. One of the most common rules requires that Submissives uncapitalize their names, as in writing "sadie" instead of "Sadie." Others include using "W/we," instead of "we," or capitalizing pronouns such as "You" when referring to Dominants. Domme Harem writes that, "A sub should never capitalize themselves when saying i, me, my etc. and always cap the Domme when saying You, Your, She etc. This shows deference to the Dommes." Some might argue that deference and respect are earned, not granted simply because someone chooses to capitalize their name, but that's a different issue. Being a bit contrary myself, I might also wonder if capitalizing shows respect, does uncapitalizing proper nouns (names) reflect a lack of respect?

A similar set of rules has to do with entry into a chatroom. Sir Penguin writes that, "All Submissives/slaves are required to ask permission when entering or leaving the channel. It is considered respectful to do so. All Dom/mes are charged with the responsibility of granting this permission when requested." Despite Sir Penguin's pronouncements for his own website, rules are not at all consistent among chatrooms. Quite-Contrary-Mary discourages excessive formalities: "Upon entering the room, a simple "hello" is fine. Please, no excessive greetings, walking around the room or anything similar. Remember there is a discussion in progress. Do not disturb it." In the first example, designating and respecting the status of the Dominants present is the focus, while in the second, readability and easy of use are more critical.

As do most specialized languages, Internet-Style differentiates the online BDSM community from the real time one. Lady Kat writes that "When Y/you are able to speak comfortably in this manner, Y/you will show O/others that Y/you have some experience and are serious about the lifestyle." Of course she is speaking to the Online community as these conventions not typical of the real time community, and don’t work when spoken aloud. But these rules do create a sense of bonding for the online community. Considering that many real time players unfortunately do not take the cyber lifestyle very seriously, it is important that there be a safe space where that lifestyle is wholly valid. Group bonding is part of this validation, and an important way for online players to recognize each other both practically and figuratively. This is not unlike the BDSM community creating a safe space away from vanilla eyes.

For some submissives, this style of writing has also developed as a sort of submission in itself. Shivante, a Submissive, comments that, "capitalizing any form of Master Thomas's name is an expression of endearment. Obviously i cannot bow my head, smile that smile, kneel, etc. for Him over the computer, so, i capitalize when i address Him or refer to Him."

Internet-Style writing can be an issue for the online players who prefer not to follow these rules. It can seem as if the rules were are pretty much handed down on Moses' tablet, and that people who don't follow them are not "real" Dominants or "real" Submissives. This, of course, is ridiculous. People who choose not to follow a particular protocol may do it because they consider themselves professional writers, simply don't want to bother, or because they feel that how you type is irrelevant to your BDSM lifestyle. Of course judgmental fools are hardly limited to the cyber lifestyle. The bottom line is that rules based on safety or privacy carry far more weight than arbitrary ones developed around how to type names and pronouns.

If this style of writing were kept strictly to the chatrooms, most people probably wouldn't care about it one way or another. The challenge is that many online players write this way all the time, whether or not it is appropriate to the venue. Many listservs ban this type of writing because it is difficult to read, and follows rules not widely known outside the online community. For example, I have observed that online players use the "W/we" designation quite often, but that still does not explain why they are doing that.

A related issue is that many of us capitalize "Dominant," but not "submissive." On the website DomSubNation.com, they explain that "The 'S' in sub was capitalized for a purpose, to be equal to the 'D' in dom. It is our belief that Dominants and Submissives are equal partners, in a relationship. We always felt uncomfortable in a lot of rooms where the 'D' towered over the 's,' looking down on it when we knew in fact the D/S we knew was nothing like that." In my own writing I capitalize "Dominant" when referring to a person, but not when it's an adjective such as in "she was acting dominant." To be consistent I realized that I should also be capitalizing "Submissive," and have started doing so in this very article. There is no practical reason for not capitalizing Submissive, and all things being equal I recommend using consistent grammatical practices.

Writer Rebecca Brook agrees, commenting, "I happen to agree with you about the mutuality, but then, I'm a switch! I'm more comfortable with Submissives lower-casing themselves, though, than I am with dominants lower-casing them. In other words, I like to make sure that the writing style is consensual!" This is an interesting point, as it's one thing to choose to type your name lower-case, and a whole other thing to have some Dominant do it for you. Using the non-gender specific "Dominant" is also far more effective than "Dom" or "Domme" unless you are specifically referring to a person. Aside from the obvious gaffs in pronunciation (they are pronounced the same), language should be as gender-free and sexism-free as possible.

Submissives often uncapitalize their name in what is known as the "e.e. cummings" style of writing because he wrote his poetry and books in lower case. Some uncapitalize their name to identify the fact that they are Submissives, a convention which makes sense if it’s important for people to know that fact. Unfortunately, in the English culture, lower-case words suggest that the reference is somehow diminutive, and this feeling of “less-than” is transferred to the Submissive by assimilation. I don't agree that Submissives are less than anything, so I don't ever uncapitalize my name. Of course not all Dominants capitalize their names and not all Submissives don't capitalize theirs, so judging someone’s orientation based in their typing is risky business. Some people even admit that they don't capitalize their own names not because of some deep meaning, but because they are lazy!

One Dominant I know insists on knowing the orientation of every person at an event because the way he interacts with people is based on whether or not they are Dominant, Submissive, or a Switch. This probably works when he's at home around people he knows, but is quite ridiculous when anywhere else. I might even go so far as to say that treating anyone differently based solely on their orientation is disrespectful by definition. But then, that flies in the face of standard protocol, and we really don’t want to go there. In real time events where formal protocol is not active, there is no clear way to identify your BDSM orientation. Even items like collars are often worn by both Dominants and Submissives. Not to mention that some collars are so jewelry-like that it would be hard to even know if they signified submission or just good taste in jewelry.

While it is critical to know a person's gender and orientation when you are looking to hit on them, this focus on knowing about someone’s private life is invasive and downright nosy. We are not our genitals, who we sleep with, or whether we are the flogger or the floggee. What all these issues come down to is that the Dominant and the Submissive are equal players and should be written about with that in mind. Decima, founder of Fetish Fashion writes, "The relationship between Dominant and Submissive is essentially symbiotic in nature; it is mutually advantageous, one cannot exist without the other." Similarly, Columnist Rick Umbaugh writes that "We do not seek unity within individually (at least not the S/m part of our lives) but unity within our relationships. The yin and yang are separated into individuals, and individual roles and it is the practice of the scene, which creates the unity." In this model, the Submissive is an equal to the Dominant, not something less than in any way. If we truly believe that both Dominant and Submissive are integral to the BDSM interaction, then we should be respecting them equally in print.

One of the first things my editor taught me was that readers should be totally engaged with the story I’m telling, whether it be a quick e-mail to friends or the first chapter of a book. When you do something like write in non-standard English, which is what Internet-style writing is, you are taking the reader outside of the story. This cardinal sin is part of the reason why top-drawer publications like Prometheus do not publish articles in the Internet-Style.

Our writing style expresses a lot about us, quite often including things that we might rather not be communicating. For example, people who are too lazy to run a spellcheck tell us that they don’t care about the message they’re sending. You might say that you aren’t a “writer” and so it doesn’t matter how you communicate to others, but I would argue that if you want your audience to take you seriously, you may want to consider making your words free of spelling errors and in reasonably good grammar. While Internet-Style writing is not technically considered bad grammar, it is inappropriate for non chatroom situations if only because the majority of readers don't understand it.

The key difference is that when we write for our own pleasure we can write any way we wish. But when we are trying to get our ideas out to an audience, the medium is, indeed, the message.