She heard the glass shatter and watched as Willow fell to the floor with a soft thud, red blooming over her chest.
Sitting up and wildly looking around, Tara panicked as dreams and memories flooded through her and she wondered what the noise had been and where she was. Slowly, the events of the past day came back to her. She was safe. In a hotel, with Willow sleeping in the room next door. Her Willow. Or was she? This Willow was so powerful but no one seemed to be afraid of her or what she might do. She had been relieved the night before when Willow had come to talk with her. Willow had been so open and honest that Tara could definitely see the girl she'd loved in the woman she'd become. Her heart had skipped a beat when Willow smiled at her. It was the same smile it had always been.
'I'm safe,' she thought, 'Willow sent Buffy to get me.' She looked over and saw Angel still asleep in the other bed and the sight of him peacefully sleeping helped calm her. She took a deep breath. 'Safe. I'm safe.'
Miss Kitty jumped onto the bed and nudged her head against Tara's hand. Smiling, Tara stroked the soft fur of her black and white friend. Miss Kitty purred as she allowed herself to be stroked for a moment before eyeing Tara and letting out a loud “mrowrrr”. Tara giggled.
“Shh, you'll wake Angel. I guess this means I'm awake and you want to be fed.” Slipping quietly from the bed, she silently padded over to the small kitchenette and filled Miss Kitty's food and water dishes as she waited for the water for her tea to boil.
She realized she hadn't slept well in over a year, 'Abject terror will do that to you,' she mused, 'but what woke me up?' Shrugging, she prepared her tea and went out to the balcony to greet the day.
As the sun came over the horizon, Tara was surprised to see Willow. The sight took Tara's breath away. Willow was seated at the edge of a pond, sunlight dancing in her hair like the embers of campfire and an aura of complete serenity surrounding her. 'Goddess,' she thought. 'That wasn't there yesterday.' Wondering where it had come from, Tara continued to watch Willow in spite of the fact that Willow wasn't actually doing anything but sitting quietly, obviously enjoying the peace and quiet of the early morning.
As Willow walked back toward the hotel, Tara went back into her room and gathered her things for a shower before breakfast. She sighed when she realized she really did need to go shopping, but also knew she had no money to pay for anything new. She started the shower and looked in the mirror, still shocked at how thin and pale she was. The dark circles under her eyes told the story of her life over the past year. The fear was still there and she knew it was going to take time for that to fade. “I need a job,” she said to the stranger in the glass. 'I need an identity more,' she thought wryly as she stepped into the shower. As she luxuriated under the hot water and deeply breathed in the scent of the body wash, she considered the fact that she was a non-person in this world. She didn't exist. Well, she sort of existed, but she was dead. No credit history, no driver's license, no high school degree, no social security card. She sighed deeply. This was not going to be easy “ the paperwork alone to become “undead” was going to be a nightmare. Hell, actually becoming undead was easier than that, as the vampires, demons and zombies they’d fought over the years had proven. Idly, she wondered if the Internal Revenue Service or Social Security Administration had any on staff “ it would explain their ruthlessness. She thought about her family as she shampooed her hair. She was dead to them. Saddened though she was by that, she realized they were probably relieved when they heard she was dead. 'Stop that,' she thought, 'in their own strange way they did love me.' But she knew she couldn't explain to them how she'd come back, so even visiting was out of the question.
She rinsed the conditioner out of her hair and turned the water off. As she stepped out of the shower, there was a soft knock at the door.
“Tara?”
She smiled at the sound of Willow's voice. “Be out in a minute.” She quickly dressed and stepped into the bedroom, suppressing a shiver as the cool air conditioning touched her warm, still slightly damp skin.
Willow's eyes were full of concern. “Are you okay? I mean, you're not getting sick or anything, are you?”
“No,” she grinned, “hot shower, cold room.”
“Oh,” Willow smiled back at her. “Angel came in to use our bathroom, 'cause, uh, well, you know,” she said blushing at the blonde who giggled. “We're getting ready to go down to breakfast, if you wanna join us?”
Tara nodded. “That sounds great, gimme a minute to brush out my hair?”
“Sure, just come on over to our room when you're ready,” Willow said smiling.
Tara looked at Willow's aura as the redhead went back to her room and noted that, while it wasn't as filled with serenity as it had been this morning, Willow was still very content.
As she gently pulled the brush through her hair, she realized she really needed a haircut; her ends were split and even though it was definitely soft and shiny, it still didn't feel as healthy as it used to. 'A manicure and pedicure wouldn't be unwelcome either,' she sighed. 'Identity first, then the niceties. Well,' she corrected herself, 'breakfast first,' and headed into Willow's room.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Willow watched as Tara studied the menu and wished she'd learned to read auras so she could get a feel for where Tara was at emotionally. 'Of course, asking her would never occur to me,' she thought wryly, as the waitress came and took their order.
“All right, then, what would you two like to do today?” Giles asked after taking a sip of his coffee.
“I need to go into Los Angeles and check on some things,” Angel answered him.
“I'm going with, when you go,” Buffy said.
“Buffy, do you think that's wise?” Giles asked, arching an eyebrow at her as he settled his coffee cup back on the table and sat back in his chair.
“Yes. I think it's a very good idea, essential. He's human now, if something or someone is looking for him, he doesn't have his vampireness to protect him,” she said. “And, why wouldn't it be?” she looked genuinely confused.
'Oh, boy,' Willow thought looking from Buffy to Giles.
“Uh, Buff,” she started to say but Angel interrupted.
“Buffy, you and me together? Alone? In a hotel room? I’m a different me and you’re a different you, but… you’re still Buffy. Think about it,” he said gently.
Buffy blushed several very pretty shades of red as she stammered, “Well, that's . . . I mean . . . come on! We are adults, you know.”
Giles didn't respond verbally. He again arched an eyebrow and folded his arms across his chest.
“Buff,” Xander said, “it's not that we don't trust you but,” he hesitated.
“You don't trust me.” Buffy said flatly. “Look, I'm not going to let him go alone. We don't know what he's walking into. The last thing he did before he died was completely betray Wolfram and Hart. He took down the Circle of Blackthorne,” she said, totally ignoring the fact that Angel was sitting right there. “They see him, they're not going to care that it's not the him that did it. He's human. Human senses, reflexes, vulnerabilities.” She looked and sounded rational and calm, but Willow could see in her posture and the set of her jaw that Buff was more than a little angry.
“Do I get a say in this?” Angel asked, looking at Buffy. His face was blank, he didn’t even look miffed at her pronouncement of his new, apparent, human frailty.
Giles smothered a smirk as Buffy turned to Angel and said, “No.”
Angel grinned at her. “I was going to agree with you, but if you don't want my support…” he shrugged.
Willow shifted her focus from Buffy and Giles to Buffy and Angel.
Giles cleared his throat. “Buffy, be reasonable. You two do not have a good track record. While I appreciate your concern for Angel and I agree that he probably shouldn't go into L.A. alone, I'm not sure you're the best person to go with him.”
“Who better? Hello, Slayer?” Buffy stared at Giles. “Do you honestly believe that we couldn't control our hormones? We don't even know each other, I'm not going to hop into bed with a stranger, Giles. And he's human now.” She may not have said it but the look on Buffy's face said “duh” with a side helping of indignant.
Giles removed his glasses and began polishing them. “So it would seem, but we don't know if it's permanent or why it is. We also don't know if the curse has been lifted with his re-humanization.” Re-balancing his glasses on his nose he looked seriously at Buffy. “We just don't know enough about what's happened to him.”
“Giles,” Angel said, seeming to measure his words carefully. “I understand why you feel the way you do,” he said, not meeting Giles' eyes and shifting uncomfortably in his chair. Taking a deep breath, he looked up and looked directly into Giles' eyes. “But like Buffy said, we're adults and, essentially, strangers. We have a lot to talk about and there are things to work through. We're not going to L.A. for a lost weekend, I have business to do and I agree with Buffy about my safety. I'm not a coward and I'll fight if it comes to it, but I recognize that I now have limitations I'm not used to.” He kept Giles' gaze as the Watcher considered what Angel had said.
Sighing, he said “I don't suppose it will do me any good to argue. I do hope you two know what you're doing.” He looked to the others. “Do any of you have an opinion?”
“Giles,” Tara said quietly, “I think we can trust Buffy and Angel to be careful and do the right thing.”
And with that, the discussion was ended. Willow marveled at Tara's self-assuredness. 'A far cry from the scared, stuttering wicca I met all those years ago,' she thought with admiration.
“When do you want to go?” Giles asked.
“I thought I'd leave this afternoon,” Angel answered, “if that's okay with you, Buffy?”
“Uh, no. Tomorrow,” she grinned. “Willow and I have plans with Tara today.”
Tara looked at Buffy. She was surprised but was stopped from asking anything when the waitress came with their breakfasts. Once the waitress walked away, Tara looked quizzically at Buffy. “Plans? What plans?”
“It's a surprise and it's girls only,” Buffy answered, stopping the question Xander was about to ask. “You guys find something to do. Go shopping,” she said, grinning. “Angel needs clothes. I think he'd look good in black.”
After a group chuckle, conversation became desultory as they ate their breakfasts. Willow watched Tara and hoped she enjoyed the surprise. Shopping was part of it but she smiled inwardly as she thought about the second surprise. She was sure Tara would be thrilled.
After they finished breakfast, the group headed to the lobby.
“Do you girls need the car?” Xander asked. “If you don't, I think we probably should go get Angel something to wear,” he said, shaking his head as he looked at Angel, who was wearing a pair of khaki wool trousers on loan from Giles and a red and black flannel shirt, courtesy of Xander's closet.
Buffy grinned. “No, we've got a car. Oh, it's here!” she cheered as a limousine pulled up outside. “You have fun, we'll be back after dinner.”
Willow grinned at Buffy and they each linked an arm through one of Tara's, giggling and pulling her outside to the waiting car.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Tara was overwhelmed. She looked at the two women sitting opposite her who were chattering excitedly about the day's plan and cleared her throat.
They both looked at her and smiled.
“Yes?” Willow's smile widened.
“Uh, not to seem ungrateful but a limo seems a little, um, excessive,” she said, looking at them.
“No way! We're celebrating. It's just enough,” Buffy smiled.
Tara shifted uncomfortably. She couldn't help pay for the limousine, let alone anything else her friends had planned for the day. They had already paid for her meals and the room she was staying in at the hotel.
“Tara?” Willow's green eyes were full of concern as Tara met her gaze. “What's wrong?”
Tara ducked her head, letting her hair fall into her face. “It-it's not that I-i d-don't appreciate it, b-but I d-don't know when I'll have any m-money to p-pay you back for all of this. The meals, the hotel room, an-and n-now the limousine p-plus whatever you have planned today,” she said quietly. She didn't like being a burden to them.
“Hey, Tara, no,” Willow said, “no pay back necessary. It's taken care of. All of it.”
Tara looked up and shook her head. “No, Willow, I can't let you do that. I-i don't w-want you to th-think you . . .” Tara trailed off not sure how to put what she was feeling into words. She didn't want to mislead Willow and didn't want to feel obligated to her. How could she make a decision about her future “ their future “ if she was indebted to Willow?
“How about me? Or Giles? Or Xander?” Buffy said and Tara looked at her.
“I, what d-do you m-mean?” Tara was confused.
“Tara, we've got all the money we could need with more coming in every day,” Willow explained. “We are the Watcher's Council now. Money is a non-issue. We pulled you into this world, of course we're going to help you get on your feet. Not gonna just say 'okay, here ya are, good luck',” Willow smiled and added, “no strings. If it makes you feel better, when you're on your feet, if you want to pay it back you can but, really? It's not a big deal.” Willow shrugged but Tara saw the hurt in her eyes and felt the shift in her energy.
'Great,' she thought, 'I insulted her and hurt her feelings.' She sighed inwardly.
Thankfully, the limo stopped and the driver opened the doors for them.
“Great! First stop “ shopping!” Buffy said with forced exuberance as she bounced out of the car.
Willow followed Buffy out and Tara hesitated and missed the chance to apologize. Sighing, she followed the other two girls out of the car, determined to make it up to them.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
They had been shopping for three hours and, with Buffy buffering them, the moment in the limousine was put behind them. Standing in the seventh store of the day, Tara was sifting through shirts, just browsing when Willow tapped her on the shoulder.
Willow held up a blue, three-quarter length sleeve soft cotton t-shirt. “Uh, this'll look great on you,” she blushed, “it, uh, matches your eyes.”
Tara smiled warmly at what she recognized was a sort of truce offering from Willow and took the shirt. “Thanks,” she said, heading to the dressing room to try it on.
Looking in the mirror, she had to admit, Willow was right. It did look great on her. She shook her head and smiled, changing back into clothes purchased earlier in their excursion. She was getting tired and her feet were starting to hurt. They had bought everything from hats to shoes. Buffy wouldn't listen to any protests and just kept adding things to the bundles in their arms.
Stepping out of the dressing room, she walked back to Willow. “You were right, it looks good on me. I'll take this one, but then I'm done, okay?” she asked. “I'm getting tired and I really don't think I need even half of what we bought.”
“Of course you do,” Buffy said as she joined the two girls. “But we're done shopping, it's time for lunch and our appointments are in two hours so that gives us plenty of time.” She grinned.
“Great, let's get these last few things and head out,” Willow said, grinning right along with Buffy.
Tara shook her head wondering at her luck at finding these two amazing women, not once in her lifetime, but twice.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Buffy felt the tension leave her body as the masseur worked her shoulder, back and neck muscles. She smiled as she remembered Tara's face light up when they pulled up to the spa and Willow had told her they were going to have a light lunch, get an afternoon of beauty treatment including seaweed wraps, facials, massages, manicures, pedicures and getting their hair done. Buffy also hadn't missed Willow's reaction to Tara's reaction. Willow looked like someone had just handed her the moon.
Buffy had asked at the front desk when they got back from getting Angel and Tara if there was anywhere to get a manicure and the clerk had given her the number for the day spa. When she called, she told the woman who answered that their friend had just gotten back from the peace corps and was in need of some pampering. The woman had been very helpful and had made all the arrangements for the three of them.
She sighed as the masseur worked out knots that had been there since she staked her first vamp. 'God, I so need one of these full time,' she thought. 'Wonder if Angel . . . no, stop right there. No Angel-y future thoughts. But,' she silently admitted, 'he is still gorgeous and the way he is with Tara is something I don't think I've ever seen before.' She frowned and realized she really didn't know Angel very well at all anymore. They hadn't really seen much of each other since he moved to LA. She knew he had gotten close to Cordelia, but didn't know how close. She sighed again, and forced herself to relax and stop thinking about Angel. 'Time enough to get to know him when we get to England,' she thought.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Sitting in the limousine on their way back to the hotel, Willow stared out the window, lost in thought. She understood that Tara didn't want to feel obligated or indebted to her. She totally got that and she really didn't want Tara to feel like she owed Willow anything. But it had hurt that Tara would think Willow would expect anything. She sighed deeply. They had been successful in building Tara a wardrobe and they had all enjoyed their day at the spa. All three girls had gotten manicures, pedicures and had their hair done. Though several inches had been cut, Tara had left her hair longer and, after discussing whether to go with the icy blonde of Kim Novak, the cool honey blonde of Veronica Lake or the warm golden blonde of Marilyn Monroe, Tara settled on the cool honey blonde she had always favored with icy blonde highlights that were really becoming on her. Willow and Buffy had both gotten trims and highlights as well; Willow's cut and highlights creating a striking contrast between the deeper reds of her natural color and the highlights causing a sort of firelight effect that she was really enjoying and Buffy, after much complaining about the weather in England, decided on the warmer golden blonde tones of Marilyn.
The sound of Tara clearing her throat brought Willow out of her reverie. The three girls were all tired and had lapsed into silence when they got into the limousine after dinner. She and Buffy looked at Tara, who smiled at them. Willow marveled at the fact that Tara still took her breath away.
“I just wanna say, uh, thanks. For everything. I mean, this day has been great and your company and coming to get me and Angel . . .” Tara shook her head and her eyes started to fill with tears. “It's just amazing to have friends like you, thank you so much.”
Willow and Buffy smiled at Tara.
“Hey, that's what we do,” Buffy said, “save our friends from certain doom and apocalypse.” She grinned and Tara laughed.
As they pulled up to the hotel, the girls got out and Buffy went to pay the driver and started grabbing the packages from the trunk. Willow moved to help her but a hand on her arm stopped her. She looked at Tara quizzically.
Tara looked at her and said softly, “I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean . . .” she trailed off, as if not knowing what to say.
Willow smiled softly and place a hand on Tara's, squeezing gently. “I know,” she said, “I understand.”
“I just . . .” Tara sighed.
“It's okay, I know.” Willow knew Tara was trying not to hurt her again and she appreciated the effort. But she really didn't want Tara to say the words implying that Willow was trying to buy Tara's love. “Let's help Buffy,” she said. “She may have slayer strength, but she's only got so much arm space,” she grinned at Tara who smiled back.
“Thank you, Willow,” she said softly.
Willow smiled in response as they went and helped Buffy carry everything into the hotel.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~