“You promised you’d always find me.”
Willow woke with a start, bathed in sweat. Checking the clock, she sighed, ‘not even an hour. Maybe a bath,’ she thought. Dragging herself from the bed, Willow padded into the bathroom connected to the room she and Kennedy shared. After being forced to share one bathroom with countless potentials, they had all agreed that each bedroom needed a private bath. As she ran the water, she considered how far they had come. Financial difficulties were a thing of the past. Since Giles was the senior Watcher left alive after the First’s wanton destruction, the Council’s legal representatives had handed all of the Watcher's Council’s assets over to him. There were properties and businesses all over the world, livestock, stocks, bonds, bank accounts, ‘Accessed by some nifty hacker work, thank you very much,’ Willow thought, giving herself a mental pat on the back. It had been almost a year and Willow still wasn’t sure they’d discovered all that the Watcher's Council possessed. The Scooby Central Slayer Complex was one of the first things they discovered. The mansion and the acreage surrounding it had been acquired in 1966 by the Council but never used. They found no mention of the original intent anywhere. Buffy and Giles had proposed turning it into Slayer Central because of its proximity to the coven. Willow was thrilled at the prospect of being that close to the coven and had instantly agreed with them. Xander pointed out that with the amount of acreage, expansion would be easy so he and Dawn made it unanimous. Now, they had all the resources they’d ever need right at their . . . ’well, almost’ . . . fingertips. It was a long, tedious process because the Council hadn’t left a lot of detailed information about anything. Everything the legal boys had was turned over to Giles. Everything else they presumed was lost in the blast.
Willow lit some candles and turned on some soft music. After stripping down, she slid into the bathtub, and closed her eyes, letting the music wash over her. Breathing deeply, she began to relax. The warm water, the music and the lightly scented candles began to make her drowsy.
Walking through the wreckage, Willow could hear Tara’s voice,
“Juno, Goddess of the Moon,
please protect me
in this darkest time
in my season of need.
Iris, Goddess of the Rainbow
Messenger of women,
I beseech thee
allow my cry to be heard”
Willow looked around and realized she was standing in what was left of Buffy’s house in Sunnydale. Tara was sitting on the floor, eyes closed, candles laid out in a pentagram. Willow heard her incantation again
.
“Juno, Guardian of Women
I seek your protection
Iris please fly
on your wings of gold
please allow my plight
to be told”
“Tara,” Willow said hesitantly.
Tara’s eyes opened and she stared into Willow’s. “You promised you would always find me.”
Willow started trembling at the accusation in Tara’s voice and the pain in her eyes. “Tara . . . baby . . . I’m sorry. Tell me what to do . . . ”
“Willow, wake up. Come on, baby, wake up.”
Willow jolted awake, splashing water over the edge of the tub. She looked blankly at Kennedy.
“Baby, are you okay?” Concern was written all over Kennedy's face.
“I thought I asked you not to call me that,” Willow said irritably; that was for her and Tara alone.
“I’m sorry. I forgot. Buffy said you were lying down “ I came in to check on you. I heard you cry out so I came in.” Kennedy sighed. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired,” Willow responded automatically. “Let me get dressed and we can go down for dinner.”
Kennedy smiled, “Or you could not get dressed and we could skip dinner.”
“Not now, sweetie.” Willow smiled to soften the rejection. “I’m really not in the mood.” Willow felt Kennedy tense up. ‘Uh-oh,’ she thought, ‘here it comes.’
“Okay. Let’s get some dinner.” Kennedy turned and walked out of the bathroom.
Willow sighed, knowing she had just hurt Kennedy. ‘I’m going to have to end this,’ she thought. ‘I’m really not being fair to either of us holding on like this.’ She walked into the bedroom. “Kennedy . . . ” the room was empty. “Okay then, after dinner for the talking.”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Willow walked into the dining room, but no one was there yet. Grateful for a few more moments to herself, Willow poured herself a tumbler of water from the pitcher that was always on the sideboard. She sat down at her usual place at the table, at Buffy’s right hand, across from Xander. She smiled as she ran her hand lovingly over the oak table. They had all agreed that, while tablecloths were nice, they preferred to allow the tables to acquire the scars of use. She followed the patterns in the grain of the wood, allowing herself to become mesmerized by them.
“Juno, Goddess of the Moon,
please protect me
in this darkest time
in my season of need.
Iris, Goddess of the Rainbow
Messenger of women,
I beseech thee
allow my cry to be heard
Juno, Guardian of Women
I seek your protection
Iris please fly
on your wings of gold
please allow my plight
to be told”
“Tara?” Willow felt the panic rise within her. Where was she and why did she keep coming back here?
Tara’s eyes opened and she stared into Willow’s. “You promised you would always find me.”
“Tara . . . ”
“Will, wake up. Will, it’s a dream.” Buffy was gently shaking her; Willow could feel the pull away from Tara but, as scared as she was, didn’t want to go. Tara needed her. She jumped and looked at Buffy.
“Will . . . you okay?” Buffy’s face looked like she was trying to hide how worried she was. “Another dream?”
Willow nodded, unable to speak. She felt her stomach drop out; the woman she loved needed her and Willow had no idea how to find her. Or how to help Tara even if she could find her. Buffy knelt in front of her and gathered Willow into her arms, gently rocking as the tears started rolling down Willow's face and onto Buffy’s shoulder.
“Shhh . . . it’s going to be okay,” Buffy crooned softly.
After a few minutes, Willow stopped crying and straightened up. “Thanks, Buffy. I’m just so tired,” she sighed.
“I know, Will. We’re going to figure this out. I promise.”
Willow nodded and Buffy stood up as the others came in for dinner.
“Hey, two of my all-time favorite people,” Xander said as he walked in. “How goes it? Everything okay?”
“Fine. Willow and I were just talking about how well the construction is going. We should be up and running by October as planned. Right, Xander?”
“Yep. You know . . . as long as there isn’t an impending apocalypse we have to squish,” he grinned.
Willow knew he was trying to deflect attention from her tear stained face. She saw the worried look in his eye and knew that he was all too aware of what was going on when he walked in. While grateful for her friends' concern, Willow felt guilty for worrying them.
The others were chattering and seemingly oblivious to what they had walked in on.
“The training facility looks great,” Kennedy said. Willow noticed Kennedy didn't look at her and sighed inwardly. Kennedy was pretending nothing happened. Because she was Willow's girlfriend, Kennedy was the only “new” slayer in residence. Others would not arrive until the dormitories were finished. Until then, the young slayers and their watchers were being housed in hotels and apartments around the world, being taught the basics of their callings until the training facility was up and running.
“Dawn and I have been putting a sort of demon database together. She’s really quite adept at the computer. And her grasp of Ancient languages is superb,” Giles said, obviously pleased at Dawn's ability to understand what she was studying.
“Just because school was canceled, doesn't mean I didn’t learn anything last year. This stuff is just so cool,” Dawn chimed in. Willow noted Dawn was flushed; whether embarrassed or excited, Willow wasn't sure.
“Yo, B, after chow, can we put our heads together for a few?” Faith asked, flopping into a chair.
“Sure, Faith. Everything okay?” The concern in Buffy's voice was mirrored in her face.
“Five by five. Just an idea I want to run past you,” Faith replied, snagging a roll as one of the staff members started putting food on the table.
“Coolness. After dinner . . . that works.” Willow could see the relief in her best friend's face. 'Probably worried it was just one more problem she was going to have to deal with.' Willow thought before she stopped listening to the chatter around her and tried to make some sense of what was happening. There was something to these dreams . . . if only she could clear her head. If only they would all just shut up . . . all of their inane yammery selves.
“Earth to Willow. Come in Willow . . . ” Buffy’s voice cut through her non-thoughts.
“What?” she snapped. Dammit, why couldn't they all just leave her alone?
“Uh, no need to bite my head off when we’ve got a table full of food to bite into,” Buffy replied, hands raised in mock surrender.
Willow blushed as conversation came to a screeching halt and everyone stared at her. “Sorry, Buff. I was a million miles away.” She smiled tiredly at her friend. “What did you say?”
“I asked if you were eating.” Willow felt guilty again because the concern was back in Buffy's voice.
“Uh, no. I’m not feeling all that well . . . my tummy. I think I’m gonna turn in. Good night everyone,” Willow answered, getting up and smiling her apology to Buffy.
“Will, it’s only six o’clock. Are you okay?” Xander asked, concern now written all over his face. Willow sighed and thought she'd better get her Taramaring under control. Soon, soon would be good.
Willow smiled wanly, “Yeah. Just tired and my tummy’s all rumbly.” She didn't feel up to getting into a big conversation right now. She just wanted to get away from all these people.
“I’ll be up to check on you in a little while, ba . . . honey,” Kennedy said, catching herself.
“‘kay,” Willow said, heading back up to her room. Quietness. That's what she needed.
Willow was lost in thought, then she was lost. Unsure of where she made the wrong turn and too tired to reason it out. She was standing in a parlor where she was pretty sure a parlor shouldn’t be. Sighing, she sat down in an overstuffed chair. Her last conscious thought was that the chair was the color of Tara’s hair . . . and it felt like she had sunk into Tara’s warm embrace.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Willow looked around and felt the familiar dread. She was standing in what was left of Buffy’s house in Sunnydale. She could hear Tara’s chanting and moved in its direction.
“Juno, Goddess of the Moon,
please protect me
in this darkest time
in my season of need.
Iris, Goddess of the Rainbow
Messenger of women,
I beseech thee
allow my cry to be heard
Juno, Guardian of Women
I seek your protection
Iris please fly
on your wings of gold
please allow my plight
to be told”
She saw Tara, her eyes still closed. She was as beautiful as Willow remembered. ‘Well, duh, it’s your mind creating the image.’
Tara looked tired and frightened. ‘My mind wouldn’t do that,’ Willow thought. 'What's going on?'
“Tara,” Will tentatively called to her lost lover.
Once again, Tara’s eyes opened and looked directly at Willow. “You promised you’d always find me.”
Again, Willow saw the pain in Tara’s eyes. “Tara, baby “ tell me “ what can I do?” Willow felt tears rolling down her face. She couldn't bear seeing Tara in so much pain. It hurt to breathe.
“You have to find me. You left me. Everything is so wrong. You should be here with me,” Tara said pleadingly.
Willow struggled to understand. “Where are you? Help me understand.” Terror flooded Willow. “Baby, what can I do? What do you need?” she asked, panic welling up within her. Her girl needed her and Willow had no way to reach her.
Tara stood up and walked toward Willow. “Keep your promise. Find me.” Willow tried to go to Tara but found she couldn't move.
Suddenly Willow was standing at the new high school. The new high school? Sunnydale? And she could see the Hellmouth opened wide. ‘But, we won. Tara died a year before any of this. Why is this here?” She was so confused. 'What am I doing here? Why am I seeing this?'
Willow walked through the school. She was afraid even though she knew she was trapped in her nightmare. She passed through the atrium and saw . . . “oh my goddess . . . ” Dawn and Xander. Or, rather, what was left of them. “NOOOOOOOOOOOO . . . ” Willow screamed.
“Willow! Will, come on, wake up. Willow!” Willow felt herself being torn from the nightmare. Someone was shaking her, calling her. She was slow in rousing and when she opened her eyes, Xander’s concerned face was looking down at her. “Will, you okay? What are you doing here? We thought you were going to bed? You, uh, missed your mark, Will.”
“Xander!” Willow exclaimed, leaping into his arms. Relief washed over her. Xander was alive and he was here.
“Whoa. Okay, Will, you’re shaking like a leaf. What’s going on?” he asked, hugging her tightly.
Willow began sobbing uncontrollably. Xander held onto her, rocking her and making nonsensical soothing noises. Slowly, Willow’s breathing returned to normal, though the tears still flowed freely. “I’m okay, Xander. Really,” she said, attempting a smile.
“I’ve seen you okay, Will. This is nothing like what okay looks like on you. I’ve only seen you like this twice; when Buffy died and when Tara died. You are not okay.” Xander’s concern was in his voice. “Come on, let’s get you to your room,” he said, placing a hand on her back and leading her away from the parlor and to her room.
*~*~*~*