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Author Topic: BDSM Garden Chat Rules discussion -- working document  (Read 120 times)
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« on: April 22, 2018, 05:57:54 PM »

Our BDSM Garden Room is a place where people from the D/s and BDSM community, both new and seasoned, gather to chat. We ask each other questions, give advice, and share experiences on all subjects. This community is open and built on trust. We do not always talk about BDSM so don't be scared. Join us, we’re a friendly lot!

What is BDSM?
BDSM stands for Bondage, Domination (Discipline), Submission (Sadism, Switch), Masochism.   BDSM means different things to different people and there is no one standard meaning, activity, or fetish. It is the lifestyle that allows for and encourages hundreds of fetishes and trust-based relationships based in Power Exchange. Power Exchange is the voluntary trade of personal, physical, or emotional agency to another person in exchange for some kind of emotional or physical tender or service. A Top (the person with active agency) controls a scene (the actions and situation) for the bottom (the passive patient).

BDSM eroticizes or fetishizes actions, sensations, and emotions that may otherwise be considered unpleasant, inappropriate, dehumanizing, perverted, or downright odd in other contexts or relationships.
BDSM emphasizes trust, communication, intimacy, choice, and affection as core values.
We live by one of several tenets: SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual), RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) or PRICK (Personal Responsibility in Informed Consensual Kink). Note that they all espouse consent and thought before action. Not every activity involves or leads to sex, though many do.

Also, despite what [a certain, much hated, novel series that references number of colors suggests] we are perfectly normal. That series and common thought states that those who participate in BDSM are somehow emotionally damaged. BDSM does not come from or support domestic violence or abuse, and the people who engage in BDSM are not any more abusive, violent, or mentally ill than people not involved in the lifestyle.  Not everyone or even most people involved in BDSM come from abusive backgrounds, nor do they perpetuate abuse.

Enjoying BDSM is another part of normal sexual intimacy that normal people participate in. Anyone you know, from family members to coworkers, from salespeople to billion-dollar company CEOs, could be involved in BDSM – and they are all completely normal. Each person has his or her own motivations for doing BDSM or D/s. The one thing that we all have in common is that, one way or another, BDSM makes us feel good.

What is D/s?
D/s is the “lifestyle” part of BDSM, where a Dominant (the person in the superior position) and submissive (the person in the subordinate or subservient position) are in a long-term relationship. Because each relationship is different and there is no single standard for how to do BDSM and D/s, there is no absolute way to describe a D/s relationship other than there is a Dominant and a submissive involved in it. The dynamic varies from “playing in the bedroom occasionally,” to a 24/7 dynamic between a Master and consensual slave.

Why do we do BDSM?
Because, for one reason or another, it feels good! It could be emotional or physical or both. Each person will have a different specific answer, so feel free to ask.

A few sexy ideas
The easiest way to start BDSM play is using scarves or ties to tie your partner up and play sensation games with touch and taste (try ice or chocolate!).  Many are fond of a few swats on fatty or fleshy body parts while having sex to see where that leads. Role playing Master or Mistress can be a great way to get housework done with some good sex as a reward.

Be sure to check in with your partner when playing by asking, “How does that feel?” often. You can also use a common safe word system of stoplight colors with red meaning, “Stop Right Now,” yellow meaning, “That might be making me uncomfortable, so slow down a little bit,” and green meaning, “More, more, more!”

About The BDSM Garden Chatroom
Please join us in The BDSM Garden room! We’d love to meet you but we would like you to read our etiquette expectations and traditions first so you understand why we’re doing the things we’re doing in this room. We do request that you join us in celebrating some of the traditions of on and offline D/s. By no means are these traditions and expectations mandatory except our gentle request that everyone be respectful in their interactions.

The BDSM Garden Chat Room Etiquette, Expectations & Traditions...
to better understand why we're doing the things we're doing.


The BDSM Garden is a safe place to teach, learn, and celebrate all things related to Domination, submission, and BDSM. It is also understood that the topic of conversation varies greatly and does not always include D/s or BDSM. BDSM topics are always encouraged, however. Polite debate and discussion of D/s topics should be the goal of the chat room.

We hope you will join us in celebrating some of our traditions and expectations.

•   Respect the other chatters. We do not discriminate between those who participate in BDSM activities and those who do not. We also have a policy of YKINMKBYKIOK (Your Kink Is Not My Kink, But Your Kink Is Okay). The only exceptions are violations of the site rules.

•   Chatters are respectfully requested to register usernames and have a correct age listed in the profile.

•   The Dominants govern the room. The Dominants, as a group, are empowered to control the behavior, discipline, and tone of the room. The Dominants should encourage others to ignore unpleasant elements in chat and encourage the misdirected chatter to the proper room. The submissives should let the dominants handle the issue. No single Dominant is in charge; the collective majority is. Moderators are present to enforce the site rules and the decision of the Dominants, as long as they coincide with the site rules.

•   Though allowing the Dominants the honor of assisting and protecting is preferred and encouraged, under any circumstances, the submissives are empowered to defend themselves. Use of the Block button is suggested for the entire room. Moderators are present to enforce the site rules.

•   Traditionally, a Capitalized name is a Dominant or Top; a lowercase name is a submissive or bottom. Your mileage and grammar preferences may vary.

•   While we understand English grammar rules, traditionally, a Dominant is referred to with capitalized pronouns and honorifics as a courtesy, i.e., Her, You, They, Sir, Ma'am; a submissive is referred to with lowercase. This may translate into using phrases like “Y/you A/all”, meaning a collective of Dominants and submissives. Submissive or slave referral to self in third person is acceptable and may be considered a formality. Honorifics are not required in chat.

•   Submissives are encouraged ask permission to enter and leave the chat room. Dominants should grant entrance promptly. This immediately reminds every person attending that this is a BDSM room. It puts the submissives into a D/s mindset, rather than a generic chat or play mindset. Granting entrance engages the Dominants in their service and attentiveness, too. It produces a symbiosis of D/s in two sentences. It creates a theme of service and formality that differentiates this room from general chat rooms. Some Dominants have their own rules for their submissives’ entrance. Those rules will always prevail.

•   If a collared, protected, or otherwise claimed submissive misbehaves, discipline or correction should be given by the Dominant he/she is protected by. If another Dominant has a complaint about a collared submissive, it should be given directly to that submissive's Dominant, privately.

•   If an unowned submissive or a Dominant is disruptive, the other present Dominants, will manage the discussion/discipline of the member. This should be a group decision, and never the actions of a single Dominant, even if the matter must be tabled until Others are present.

•   Please ask to private message other members of the room.

•   The rooms’ submissives, slaves, and bottoms are not required to serve any person they are not bound to.

•   We have a Topic of the Day. Guests are welcome to bring up any questions or new topics at any time, but we will direct chat toward the scheduled topic if there is a lag in the chat. On Topic photographs, art, quotations, thoughts, ideas, definitions, links, questions, teaching, experiences, and jokes are welcome. A calendar for the chats is here. https://calendar.google.com/calendar/r?pli=1&t=AKUaPmbrIfIroiQJh_qnrTBT7nF3BUiM9hcDZ-AuEkGnR9SWUCNGTzKFxgRF31eshLG4WMG2tYGf4pJyu3SXEGNvX4CfE6n58w%3D%3D

•   Members new to BDSM, both Dominant and submissive, are encouraged to seek an experienced mentor for guidance and learning. Mentorship is not normally a sexual relationship and may or may not cross D/s lines. Questions from newer lifestyle people are always welcome in the room. It is always a good idea to research a mentor before asking for mentorship.

•   Unless the Dominant/Top involved in a public scene invites participation, do not jump into a scene through action, advice, or talking with the people in the scene. They are focused on each other and distractions are disruptive. Crosstalk during a scene or serve is allowed.

•   While The BDSM Garden Room does have food and drinks from John Norman’s Gor series, as well as furs for slaves, and Gorean serves and dances are welcome and appreciated, The BDSM Garden is not a Gorean chat.

•   Please do not post random porn photos or links to the The BDSM Garden. We prefer our photos to be on theme and coincide with the topic being discussed. You are welcome to DJ during non-topic chat times.

•   For ease of understanding, please spell out all of your words in chat. This is an English-speaking chat.

•   Civility is required, respect is earned.

« Last Edit: August 01, 2018, 12:58:37 PM by Admin » Logged
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