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Author Topic: Leg Hair?  (Read 173 times)
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« on: March 22, 2008, 12:38:53 PM »

Janey, what's the best, most efficient way to remove my leg hair? I've tried shaving, waxing and those stinky dipilitories and I just can't find one that works to my satisfaction. What should I do?
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janey
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« Reply #1 on: March 23, 2008, 08:47:07 AM »

Hair removal is one greatest challenge’s to face the various scientific communities throughout the Universe. Very few methods developed so far has led to 100% permanent depilation and those that have are either unavailable to the average sentient being or far too dangerous to contemplate.
Whilst we will mainly concentrate on those methods used on this planet the fate of those on the planet Bling, a blue green planet in the region of Ursa Major, where depilation resulted in the complete eradication of the dominant species (known as the Blingers). Blingers where unique in the universe in that the hair was the sentient part of a communal organism which grew a body on it to provide locomotion and sustenance.  A group of religious fanatics persuaded the entire population that shaving off the attached body would finally liberate them and bring them into the sight of Frizz, the god whom the Blingers worshipped. In a state of religious frenzy the population carried out the act in unison, fluttered to the ground and where instantly eaten by spiders. It was unfortunate that Bling had amongst its inhabitants the only hair-eating arachnids in the galaxy. Blingers were not very bright.
I digress.
It was the Buddhists who first perfected an efficient method of depilation. Deciding that smooth legs were definitely the thing under their orange robes they set about controlling their hair growth by meditation and the power of the mind. However hair growth cannot be stopped entirely and to ensure too much hair did not build up under the skin they perfected subliminal hair transfer. The handiest and most numerous recipients were the local yaks. This is the reason that yaks have very long shaggy hair instead of being shorthaired creatures as nature intended. The problem with this method is that it cannot be targeted on to a specific area of the body but affects all areas. It is for this reason that all Buddhist monks are completely bald.
Evolution has of course had its effect. The Naked Mole Rat has absolutely no hair on its body, which allows it to move underground much more efficiently than hair bearing creatures. However living underground for 100,000 years in order that evolution may solve your hair problem is hardly a practical solution in the hurly burly of the modern age.
So what we have remaining is Witchcraft. Here is a sure fire recipe for hair removal as perfected by Gwenylene the Crazy Crone at the annual Whitchfest of 1587 and is as follows 

Flipper of frog and rendered cat
A bit of cheese and a piece of rat
Grate in next some puppy bile
And toenail scraped off with a file.
Place it all in a copper bowl
And boil it in some oil of vole
Stir it all until first light
Slap it on when the sun is bright
And rid yourself of the hairy blight
(Note: oil of mouse may be used if vole is not available)
Please let me know if the effectiveness of this as results of the initial trials where lost due to Gwenylene being burnt at the stake shortly after giving her presentation at the fest.
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« Reply #2 on: March 23, 2008, 09:21:51 AM »

Still sounds scary but nicely put.  Welcome again Janey!
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