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Author Topic: The origins of American Football: Referee's  (Read 72 times)
janey
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« on: March 16, 2009, 04:09:08 PM »

Before reading this I recommend you read my previous blog “Origins of American Football” if of course you have not already done so

Many people think that “Referee” as used in American Football, is derived from the Latin meaning “Yer outa here!”. This is however untrue.

For the real explanation we must return to Dr. Beamish Somosa, head of Harvards Department of American Studies with a specialisation in Indian culture.

It was his research into the birthing rituals of the Enerfell tribe that led directly to the development of the game and it was his further research, which led to “Referees”.

Because of an accident of history the Enerfell tribe had been split into three groups, each living in an adjacent valley and separated by a line of high and rugged mountains which ran in a roughly north-south direction.

Once a year, and in a strict rotation, the wise men and village elders would make the arduous journey over the mountains to visit their brother and sister tribesmen. They did this to discuss matters of mutual importance and in the interest in tribal unification.

One of their most important tasks on these occasions was the death notification. Just as the tribe had complicated birthing rituals so the bit on the other side of life was also important. Shortly before the annual visit the Shaman of each tribe would smoke the “passing on weed”. A concoction of herbs that brought on morbid dreams and invariably somewhere in the dream a death would occur. On meeting the elders would announce to the others the nature of the deaths for that year and if any tribal member of any of the three groups died of one of the three causes announced then the family would receive great honour and gifts. These were known as the Eastern, Central and Western die-visions.

One year, when it was the turn of the central and western Enerfell to visit the eastern valley, it happened that a birthing ritual was taking place as they arrived. They were horrified to see that the centuries old ritual was being carried out wrongly and that small errors had crept into the sacred event.

The two groups of visiting elders immediately called a meeting with the host tribal leaders and informed them of what they had observed. The Elders of the Eastern Enerfell were beside themselves with grief at this turn of events and the representatives of the three tribal groups determined they would find a solution so that they would never again slip from the correct path.

But there was a problem. The Enerfell had no tradition of the written word and therefore everything was passed on by word of mouth making the chances of deviation all the more likely.

Reluctantly they agreed that they must swallow their pride and ask for outside help.
There were two neighbouring tribes who had writing traditions. The first of these were the Arapaharpo tribe. The members of this tribe went around in blonde curly wigs and had given up talking in favour of coded honking. They had found that if prairie dogs were fed a diet of high fibre mung beans and then were squeezed firmly there emitted from them a very loud piercing “Honk”. Since this discovery they had taken to following non-tribal members and “Honking” when they least expected it causing near, or in some cases actual, heart attacks.

The Enerfell gave them the nickname of “A’glons” which as near as could be translated by Dr.Somosa meant “Noisy really annoying curly headed bastards”. It was because of this that the Arapaharpo were quickly dismissed as potential partners.

The other tribe were the Reffar. Whilst they were of the same tribal group as the Arapaharpo they still used the spoken word and also had sophisticated writing traditions. One strange thing about them was that they used extensive body paint, which was in the form of black and white vertical stripes, and no Reffer would be seen without this adornment.

After accepting a fee of 500 buffalo testicles (a delicacy amongst the Reffar) per fiscal year the Reffer agreed to watch a very correct birthing ritual and write down what they saw so that there was a reference which could be perused in the event of any doubt on a particular point of the ritual.

Not only that but the Reffar also agreed to have a representative at each birthing to watch and consult the rules and step in if any part of the ritual was outside of the written rules.

There was one minor hitch. The Reffer spoke a language that was totally indecipherable to the Enerfell. It was because of this that the two nations used a sign language to communicate and this language was known to the Enerfell as “Reffarese”, and so if an anomaly was spotted by the outsider he would step in and using signs point out the error.

This of course is still perpetuated in the modern game though the present referees are now androids fitted with voice amplifiers and after giving the traditional signs will switch on the built in speakers with a button grafted into their hip bones.

And that is the origin of referees; though over the decades the original spelling has been modified to match modern trends the spirit of the Reffar tribe lives on in signs and stripes.
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Haruhifan
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Hi, the comical, bisexual Asian Canuck here!


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« Reply #1 on: March 16, 2009, 05:34:16 PM »

Excellent follow up!  I KNEW those refs must have testicles for brains (or in this case guts)! 

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Just popping by in between hentai uploads...I mean, checking stuff online, right...

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