Dear Sir Comma Enter AN: Daddy Long Legs Challenge Response, this is a response to the WIKTT Daddy Long Legs Challenge, that means that it will eventually have a relationship between Hermione Granger and Severus Snape, if you do not like this, you don't have to read it

Chapter 1: September

Monday, September 1, 1997

Dear Daddy Long Legs ---

I'm back to Hogwarts again, summer was fantastic, I really loved the Academy. I suppose, since another year is starting, I should reiterate exactly how much your generosity means to me. When my folks died, and that phony social worker left us with nothing, I thought I would have to run off into the world and earn enough to give Cassandra a chance at Hogwarts. I suppose I could have asked Harry, but in some ways being beholden to a stranger is easier. I never have to look you in the eyes and know I owe you everything.

Thank you for the fresh diary, last year's was getting quite full. I'll write every day, but it's NEWTs year, so I'll be busy, so some of my entries wont be very thrilling.

I know you know all of this, but I'm really excited for Cassandra, starting second year is almost more thrilling than first year in some ways, you have all your friends, and you have exam scores to live up to or beat. Of course, my second year I got turned to stone while my friends killed a basilisk, I hope she doesn't have a year like that.

I think I'll talk more about the Academy tomorrow, I have tons of reading to finish before tomorrow, and transfiguration mediations, and of course Head Girl Duties. I almost thought about passing up the Head Girl badge, it usually means a huge amount of extra work and invariably grades drop, I figure I'll still get my 11 NEWTs because I did so much last year thought.

Hall patrol, then bed. I wonder if you've read Daddy Long Legs yet?

--Your Seventh Year, Head Girl, Orphan, Hermione Jane Granger

Wednesday, September 3

Second day of classes now, turned in a huge quantity of NEWT papers yesterday. I thus proclaim: History of Magic, Muggle Studies, Herbology, Astronomy, Care of Magical Creatures, and Ancient Runes independent research done. That means I can simply sit in class with books like a sponge. I don't have to be creative now. I think Ancient Runes and Herbology might be worth publishing, I'll let you know how it goes. I could see working with Runes again, but the rest are just sort of knowledge that's good to have, but I never intend to use practically, maybe that's why I found them easier than the subjects I really cared about.

I'm really excited about my Herbology essay, mandrakes that don't have a cry, grow faster, and don't taste wretched, I decided to name them Galateas, it's my pet name for Cassandra, and besides, since I invented them I can call them whatever I want. Sometimes I think I shouldn't have decided to take eleven NEWT tests, but now that I got a lot of the easier projects out of the way it seems silly not to finish up the ones I'm more interested in. Six down five to go: Potions, Arithmancy, Transfiguration, Defense Against the Dark Arts, and Charms. Aren't I crazy.

The Youth Academy of Magic certainly gave me a new appreciation of teaching, kids, and magic this summer. I spend most of the summer tutoring some of the less accomplished students. I certainly have a soft spot for hard luck cases, you know all about Neville and S.P.E.W. and such. It made me wonder though, muggle students never go to Academies, but get good enough grades anyway. Is it because muggles try harder?

I hope you aren't offended, I have guessed you are a pureblood, because you sent me to teach at the Academy at it's really mostly for pure bloods, but it seems that muggles are just more inventive about things sometimes. Maybe that's just my very muggle view of things though. Maybe I could be a teacher, I wish you sent me more than the occasional gift, sometimes I girl could really use a sounding board for ideas about her future. Maybe I'll talk to Professor McGonagall about teaching later, I could be a great teacher, all I would have to do is pick a specialty, that would be the hardest I think. I would love to go to magical university, but they just don't exist, maybe they should, maybe I should make one?

Saturday, September 6

Pardon my language but, bugger Quidditch. I know Ron and Harry love it, I know it's important to them, but they want to be Aurors, not professional Quidditch players, so you'd think they would be able to muster some effort in order to even come up with topics for their NEWT research. I know I'm an over achiever, I know NEWT topics aren't even due until the end of the month, but I have agonized over mine for over a year, and finished six, and Ron and Harry are just going to shoot something off in between Quidditch practice and hope they get a Pass'. I'm surrounded by smart, yet lazy, underachievers. Do you think I'd get an Outstanding NEWT in Defense Against the Dark Arts if I helped bring down You-Know-Who?

I know it's no laughing matter, and the truth is I'm worried sick about the whole thing, there is a prophecy out there, and Harry and Voldemort are going to meet, and one of them is going to kill the other, and if Harry can't do it, maybe the power to defeat him will be gone forever, that's scary stuff for kids to think about. I'm not of age yet, Harry and Ron are, of course, but here we sit, on the cusp of adulthood, and I'm worried about dying, we're all worried about dying. Maybe I should lighten up about NEWTs, of course, when we do win, we'll have to build a future, and I suppose I've always believed that futures were built on NEWTs, or at least the future is built on knowledge.

Being Head Girl hasn't been a ton of work yet, I had to deal with quite a few first years who were terribly homesick, but I think I managed to nip that in the bud. I hate to admit it, but Draco makes an alright Head Boy, he doesn't call me mudblood any more and he's almost civil, I think having his father in Azkaban was good for his independence. He's not a good guy, and he's not a softy, he's just not a git. I think, deep down inside, he doesn't want to pick a side, he just wants to be a kid, I don't blame him, in many ways a side chose me.

Monday, September 8

I just got my first note ever from you and it says Have September 20th free, plan to bring your friend Miss Weasley', you know, you're not very good at the communication thing. I have sent you a dozen questions, never having received a single answer, I've never even had a single word from you, they've always come through the headmaster, I suppose I should be happy. Please write again, I'm always wondering about you, are my guesses right? Are they wrong? I suppose before now, you have always communicated in gifts, I still have every one you gave me, although my favorite is still my sixteenth birthday gift, the charm bracelet, I wear it every day, even if I never mention that. It's most dear to me because it was the first sign you cared at all. The books are always nice, the dress was gorgeous, but I'll have my silver charm bracelet forever. I guess I'm not going to see you, since I'm bringing Ginny, I would very much like to meet you in person someday.

Friday, September 12

Ginny can come, I forgot to mention that the last few days. I had potions today, I can't even begin to describe how much more interesting NEWT level potions is than regular level. Most of the Slytherins (except for Draco) had to drop out because their grades weren't good enough, and just because Professor Snape can be horribly biased when it comes to Slytherin house doesn't mean that he let substandard students into his higher level class. We're working on Polyjuice Potion now in class, but I'm not too worried about it, I made it once my second year, so I don't have to follow along too closely.

That really is a funny story, we had a lot of problems my second year (including the fact that I missed over ten weeks of school), there were attacks against students and a few muggle-born students were turned to stone. We knew that the Heir of Slytherin was somewhere in the school, and that they were the one who was setting the monster on the students, so Harry, Ron, and I wanted to know who it was. Our plan, was to take Polyjuice Potion and sneak into Slytherin and see if Draco Malfoy was the Heir, we just sort of figured he had to be, of course, we were wrong. I accidentally used cat hair in my potion and so I ended up with pointy ears and a tail and covered in fur for two months, that was a disaster.

It turns out the Heir of Slytherin was Ginny Weasley, possessed by You-Know-Who, Harry ended up killing the monster in the Chamber of Secrets and stopping You-Know-Who, I was in the hospital wing the whole time, four weeks earlier I had been turned to stone by the basilisk, I was de-petrified the same day as Harry killed the monster.

Now that I think about it, that was the same year that Professor Lockhart taught Defense Against the Dark Arts. I had a huge crush on him, I think I have a soft spot for men who call me smart. Not bookish, or know-it-all, but smart, brilliant even, it feels nice to have your brain recognized.

I think I might be able to finish a couple more NEWT papers soon, that would be lovely.

Sunday, September 14

Working extra hard so that I can be ahead of schedule for next weekend. I've also been helping Ginny, so that she can be all caught up too, she has the extra load of Quidditch practice too, at least she's sensible about it and always gets all her work done with plenty of time to spare, unlike two wannabe Aurors I know.

Lots of Head Girl stuff lately, homesickness mostly, also a love-sick sixth year. One of the Slytherin third years came to talk to me about feeling pressured to join with Y-K-W, which is just sickening, I know they aren't all bad, the Slytherins, but sometimes I worry about it. There is so much pressure right now, and a lot of kids are of the opinion that life would be so much better if we didn't have a Slytherin house and we didn't let in Slytherin kids, but that's just as bad as excluding mudbloods' anyway. I suppose you can be in Slytherin, if you came to Hogwarts, that would be alright, I would defend you from anyone who said that Slytherins can't be helpful and generous. Of course, you might not be a Slytherin at all, or never have even gone to Hogwarts.

Tuesday, September 16

I really love Arithmancy, I really do, but all of the published materials and all of the theses and new theories in it are just so dry. I love practicing Arithmancy, I love using it as a tool, but I really don't think that my career is in Arithmancy. You might not think that's a huge deal, but for me trimming down options is very difficult. When I was in my third year, I took every class that was offered, even though you can't do that in a normal schedule, I had a time-turner for a whole year and I used it to go to all of my classes. I ended up dropping Divination, because I really didn't like the teacher or the material (sorry if you love Divination, but our teacher is a right old fraud), towards Easter time. I also ended up dropping Muggle Studies at the end of the year, although that's not keeping me from taking my NEWT in it, I just decided that it wasn't worth it to take the class and there were so many more interesting subjects that I could keep on.

I think I always knew I did not want a career in Care of Magical Creatures, I'm great at it, but there is no knack and no passion there, Runes are useful, but it really seems too secondary, and I already decided Herbology is another useful tool, but not a career. So I'm narrowing it all down, but I'm still nowhere close to a career. I suppose I could just go work for the Ministry, but that seems so limiting, I don't want to work a boring repetitive job with them, maybe I could do research.

I think what I would really like to do is go to University, but we don't have universities.

Wednesday, September 17

I don't feel almost seventeen. My birthday is only two days away, I'm two days from being considered a grown up by wizarding standards. I look in the mirror and I see a child, I look at my room and see a child's room, I'm Head Girl, but I still see this awkward girl riding to her first day of Hogwarts.

I think I'm going to box up a lot of my room, most of the animals, and a lot of the clothes, and some of my older books and put them away. It's time for Hermione Granger to shed a lot of what makes her a child.

Friday, September 19

I love the painting! You're the best anonymous benefactor I can imagine. I asked Cassandra, because she's a little more knowledgeable about such things, and she could not recognize the artist. Was it you? I don't care right now if it was or not, but for now I will pretend that you painted it for me. I'm having my apparation test on monday, so that's another important step into self sufficiency and adulthood. Ginny got me a book about how to snag guys and channel my inner-goddess' I would be offended if I didn't feel that I so desperately need it sometimes.

Harry got me a guide for how to publish research papers, he can be so sweet sometimes. Ron got me really glorious chocolates, much better than the time he got me some wonky smelling perfume. I'm worried he's going to ask me out, how do you tell someone you can't date them because it would be like snogging your brother, who you always fight with, and plays too much Quidditch, and hates books. I like Ron alright, I just don't think he realizes he drives me completely bonkers.

The Headmaster asked to speak with me today, I had no idea what I could have done wrong, but there he was, with a letter from you, he actually let me read the letter. A make-over? At first I was very offended, it's one thing for my friends to tell me my hair looks a mess and I'm dressed in a baggy T-shirt, it's another coming from someone who you've never even met. But then I realized, you are giving me exactly what I asked for, a new me, new clothes, new hair, maybe a new book too? You see how awful I am, even when I'm thinking about dressing up I'm worried about reading too. Maybe the hairstylist can make my hair into something pretty and practical? We'll know tomorrow.

Saturday, September 20

I didn't get home until very late tonight, you should see my hair, it's wonderful, I have a whole new wardrobe, and far too much makeup. I'm not wearing much of it, Ginny says makeup is for special occasions and any more than that makes you look like a tart, I'll keep that in mind. I think you were totally correct in making me bring Ginny, I think she has an entirely successful career in fashion ahead of her is she wants it. I have curls! Real, touchable curls, all down my back. You made me look great, every guy in Hogsmeade and the entire Gryffindor common room was staring at me.

I even got a compliment from Professors Flitwick, McGonagall, and Dumbledore. Professor Snape looked at me funny, but I'm not sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. I suppose if he didn't criticize me for trying too hard or looking like a tart it couldn't have been all bad. In Potions yesterday he gave me back a paper graded Pass', I don't know how he's marking my papers, but they certainly aren't based on the rubric for NEWT grading, that man is insufferable, he makes me work for everything, and then, once I've succeeded, my reward is not losing points for Gryffindor. I swear if I got 5 points from him, ever, I would simply die of shock.

Well, I just simply couldn't feel ugly today, I would send you a picture if I had any idea how to get it to you. Thank you again, yesterday I felt seventeen, today I feel like a real grown up, beautiful, desirable woman. It was the best birthday present ever.

Wednesday, September 24

NEWT topics are due in less than a week, and so what happens late yesterday night? Ron and Harry only have half of their topics picked, and half of those aren't even well put together. I know what I'll be doing for the next six days. Our first problem is to tackle the potions NEWT, Ron and Harry both managed O's on their Potions OWLs, so they were allowed in the class, which is good, because they need a good NEWT grade if they want to be Aurors. More surprising is Neville being in class, he also got an O', I guess I had no idea how good he was when he isn't scared of Professor Snape.

I know everyone was really surprised, of course Neville asked me for help last year, he wanted to have all summer to work on research. He's really great at Herbology so he's working on a combined topic, I think he really wants to be a medwizard. Potions is a must for that, a recommendation from Professor Snape would help, but somehow I don't think that's going to happen.

Potions is really one of my weaker subjects, it's hard to find the motivation, but Harry and Ron have no imagination for potions research. At least they're only taking five NEWTs, and I suppose their Defense Against the Dark Arts topics are alright. Maybe I should have let them suffer for a day or two, thinking I wouldn't help, of course that would just mean more work when I eventually caved in to help. I'm hopeless, I have to help the helpless. But I suppose I'm lucky that you help the helpless sometimes too, sir.

Friday, September 26

We'll be finishing up Polyjuice next week, that's exciting, in the meantime we're working on entirely different camouflaging potions, it's sort of a exploration into the many uses of boomslang skin. I've been thinking about doing some more in-depth exploration on ingredient preparation, just on the side.

For my NEWT paper I'm going to use some muggle science to try to diagnose the cause of lycanthropy, I have a friend who is a werewolf, he's been very helpful in providing blood samples and things, I suppose eventually if I find something, and it's safe to drink, he'll help me with tests. No progress yet, lots of dead ends. I have also been helping Professor Snape with decreasing the side effects of Wolfsbane Potion. I suppose I'm juggling two Potions NEWTs papers, it will just be a matter of which one is more productive.

Transfiguration has also been lovely. My research into metamorphmagi goes very slowly, although the book you sent early last year has been helpful, I think I will have to do more interviews with Professor Tonks, or look at that from a genetic standpoint as well. Listen to be ramble I sound like a muggle. Up until last year, I had spent my summer doing research into muggle sciences, when I was little, I always wanted to be a teacher or a doctor, and I suppose the doctor bit could still come to pass, but I suppose a healer would be more appropriate with my skill set. So I have a terribly vague understanding of genetics, so analyzing metamorphmagi that way would be relatively hopeless for me.

I'm still working on my animagus training as well, Professor McGonagall figures I may be able to start trying to transform next month. Wish me luck and hope I'm not an otter.

Saturday, September 27

My patronus is an otter, I suppose that makes my last entry make more sense, doesn't it?

Monday, September 29

Harry and Ron have turned in their NEWT topics, I am so relieved. I'm almost done with my Charms, Defense Against the Dark Arts, and Arithmancy papers, I'm just waiting for practical results for my experiments. Can't tell you what they are though, they're all secret.

Chapter 2: October Thursday, October 2

I think October is one of my favorite months, it's so beautiful out, and the air smells so fresh and it hardly ever rains. Another great thing about this particular October is that Cunningham's Herbological Digest Monthly wants to run an article about my Galateas as well as run my NEWT paper. I am ridiculously excited. Ron and Harry don't understand at all, although Ginny is a little more understanding. Unsurprisingly, Neville was the one who was most excited about my imminent publication, I suppose I should have accepted being sorted into Ravenclaw if I wanted my housemates to be excited about being published.

Did I ever tell you that? I was almost sorted into Ravenclaw, but I really wanted to be in Gryfindor, it seems to me that courage and bravery are really important. Intelligence is important, but you have to use your knowledge, or else it's hardly worth anything.

I have read a few issues of Cunningham's Monthly, and I was really impressed with the quality of information, and I have decided that's an appropriate way to enter into the scene as published. I suppose I am still a little disappointed that it's not for a subject that I really enjoy like Arithmancy or Transfiguration or maybe Potions. A huge part of me just wants Snape to be impressed with me, I suppose if you have ever met him you might understand. He makes me feel two feet tall, all of the other professors here give me fantastic grades and any amount of praise I want, which ironically enough, makes me need him to say something good all the more.

Getting something published in Ars Alchemica would be so amazing.

Friday, October 3

The Polyjuice brewing was successful, for my test I ended up transforming into Neville, I looked like Neville for an hour, went to Arithmancy that way, it was actually pretty funny.

Monday, October 6

Talked to Professor McGonagall about my future today, I'm still having a hell of a time working out what I would like to do specifically, I have all these general qualifications like help people' and always keep learning' but those don't even narrow it down to a field, must less a job in a field. Teacher? Researcher of Experimental Something-or-other? Benevolent Anonymous Benefactor? Mediwitch? I think I would rather not be an Auror or a Quidditch groupie, it would be nice to be on my own from Ron and Harry for a change and learn to be Hermione.

The more I think about it, the more I think Ron would make a better Quidditch player than an Auror. I mean Harry's great at the on-the-fly thinking under pressure, much better than I am, but Ron, I think he wants to be special and famous and different from all of his brothers. Aurors don't really get to do all the exciting things that I think Ron imagines they do. Well, maybe he'll get an offer at Quidditch, that would be nice for him.

I got asked out, for Hogsmeade weekend, by Terry Boot, he's alright, smart, and pretty cute, I said yes. It feels lovely. I have hardly ever gotten asked out. I was asked out by Viktor Krum in my fourth year, that was alright, he was sweet, but he couldn't pronounce my name, and his folks got rather down on him about me when they found out I was muggle-born. I still write to him every once and a while, but I don't think his parents like that very much.

Tuesday, October 7

Lots of Transfiguration research today, I managed to turn my eyes purple for six minutes, I showed Professor McGonagall, she was ecstatic. I was less than thrilled, it was pretty neat, but really the whole point is to be able to sustain the change, simple glamours have more effect. She thinks I have enough to work out a NEWT paper, but I'm really not satisfied with my level of success. More research is required. It's quite funny, I really don't have any desire at all to become a metamorphmagus, that would just be too weird. Although, occasionally purple eyes would be quite the novelty.

Harry is actually working on his Charms research, I'm so proud of him. Ron seems to have settled into a jealous funk about Terry Boot, good for him. He did the same thing with Viktor too, I swear, he either wants to go out with me or wants to see me die a virgin.

You didn't see me write that, it was too embarrassing.

Friday, October 10

I turned my eyes orange today, still only for a few minutes, it's kind of disappointing, but it's entirely at will, does that make me a partial partial metamorphmagus?

Saturday, October 11

Professor McGonagall has encouraged me to work with what I have accomplished, she (quite reasonably) notes that if it took me thirteen months to get to this, it could easily take years to get the rest of the way, and that my findings already are well worth the effort of writing a paper.

I think I'll stick with the animagus training anyway though, it a lot of ways, turning into an animal is a little more impressive than color change eyes, no one notices my eyes anyway.

Monday, October 13

Talking with Professor Tonks today, she was very impressed with the eyes, it seems kind of funny, because she can change her eyes to any color she wants for as long as she wants, you'd think she would find the static nature of every else's appearance far more novel.

Apparently, the thought that someone could become like her is fascinating.

I don't think I would be fascinated by someone's ability to have brown hair, brown eyes, and talk like they had swallowed a textbook. I think some good solid intellectual discourse would be great. I really miss that, well I take that back, I've never really had that. The fourth-year boys are making animal noises, I'm going to bed.

Tuesday, October 14

Being Head Girl really is awful sometimes. One of the girls in Cassandra's class lost her parents to a Death Eater attack two nights ago. I wont say names, but the girl was simply distraught. He decided she did not want to talk to her head of house about the attack and instead decided to talk to me. Of course I don't think I would go running to Professor Snape if I lose my parents either. It's not that I doubt his ability to be considerate to a Slytherin when no one else is looking, but I imagine he'd rather be spared that trouble anyway.

Death Eater attacks are on the rise, I'm worried, and of course, most of the professors I've managed to talk to about it are also quite worried, it seems like a confrontation is on the horizon. The Ministry does not seem to be doing much to prepare, Aurors are on double shifts, but other than that there is no mobilization. Dark wizards who get caught can't be contained, they simply are broken out of prison in a few days without the dementors to keep the prisoners in line. I despise dementors, but before they joined Voldemort they were very good prison guards.

I haven't had much practical experience with Defense Against the Dark Arts since the night in the Department of Mysteries when Voldemort revealed that he had returned, and that time I almost had my insides liquified. I had to take about a dozen potions every day for almost a week, it could have been a lot worse, but after about a week I was alright.

I'm really worried, Voldemort will want to move soon I think, he has gathered some of the remaining giants, almost all the dementors, I hear word that he has more Death Eaters now. The tension is mounting, several parents did not let their children come back to school at Hogwarts this year, I can't say I really blame them, I heard lots of parents wanted to transfer their kids to Beaubatons. I can't deny that I would have gotten a less stressful education somewhere else, but I feel needed here. I suppose it's a little arrogant, but Harry's supposed to be the one to defeat Voldemort, and I'll be damned if it wont be me and Ron, right along side, helping.

Are you fighting on our side? Will I see you when the final battle comes?

Friday, October 17

Hogsmeade weekend next weekend, which I'm really excited about. The first game of Quidditch of the season in two weekends, which I really don't care about. But this weekend it is all about the Transfiguration NEWT paper, hopefully I'll have it done soon. Gryffindor vs. Slytherin, the perpetual grudge match for Quidditch. I remember, about two years ago, on the first day of term, the Sorting Hat sang about the unity that would be required to face the days ahead. It spoke about the fact that Gryffindor and Slytherin used to be the best of friends. I had read about that when I was in the hospital wing my second year, covered in cat hair, not petrified.

It seemed strange to me at the time, the two personalities seem to be designed to be antagonistic. Gryffindors have the tendency to say what they think and be pretty blunt about it, they like to be at the center of things in a lot of ways. A desire to be brave also demands a desire to be recognized for bravery. Gryffindors like recognition. Slytherins like to be cunning, you'll rarely get a Slytherin to say exactly what they mean, and of course they have a stronger understanding of the idea that lies sometimes make the truth easier. Slytherins like to be powerful, they like to be on top of things, but they are also willing to simply be in charge, even if someone else gets to take the credit. They're also far more coldly practical, Gryffindors have to be idealistic and see the best in everything.

Of course, later, I realized, that if the two didn't drive each other nuts, they're very complimentary. Ideally (there's a Gryffindor word), a Gryffindor would keep a Slytherin honest, and a Slytherin would keep a Gryffindor practical. Of course, who knows if that ideal is even possible anymore, lots of Slytherins are swept up in pureblood dogma. I think Slytherins get too sneaky when they keep their own company.

Maybe houses are just silly, they teach students to keep the company of people like themselves and compete with everyone who is different. What do you think? Of course you wont answer, maybe you'll just think about it instead.

Sunday, October 19

It's a girls weekend in for Cassandra and I. I'm actually embarrassingly excited about the whole thing, Cassandra hasn't really bothered to hang out much with me for the last month or so, we haven't even really hung out since the summer, we just did homework and drank lemonade and talked. I know you hear from Cassandra once a week in her journal, so you probably hear all about this stuff, but it's all news to me.

Apparently she's really getting to enjoy most of her classes, although she definitely is missing out on the whole art aspect of her education. She's thinking of starting up a proper art club, but it's difficult, most of the teachers here don't seem to have much of an artistic side. It makes me wonder how wizards and witches even get into learning how to paint, or even photography.

In case you were thinking of something she would like, I think some books on fashion design or just plain design would really make Cassie happy.

Wednesday, October 22

Defense Against the Dark Arts was great today, we were working on the Patronus Charm today, it's always great to get to work on something that you've already learned down pat. I think I'm going to be allowed to try to transform into my animagus animal later this week. Do you know how becoming an animagus works? Apparently very few people even really bother to learn how to start going about it, but basically, I have to become in touch with my inner being, and then I can try my transformation. It will be exciting to see what my animal will be.

And, of course, my first real date' is this weekend. Can you tell I'm excited?

Friday, October 24

I'm an animagus! Seriously, I'm going to go register in about a week or two, apparently the ministry gives a month of leeway in the registering of your animagus form, so Professor McGonagall is going to take me to the Ministry of Magic in a few weeks. Can you believe it? Your Head Girl Gryffindor, an animagus.

More news later.

Saturday, October 25

My first draft of my Transfiguration NEWT essay is totally finished, that means I'm almost done with almost every subject, or at least I will be soon.

Sunday, October 26

I had a great time today, Terry Boot and I went to the Three Broomsticks and had lunch, which was lovely. I thought he would suggest we go to Madame Puddifoot's, which seems a little over the top for a first date, but he didn't ask. We went to Flourish and Blotts, which was a blast, mostly we talked about school things, which I suppose it natural for a bookworm on a date with a Ravenclaw.

Talking with Terry was very easy, we'd talked some before, but I don't think that I had really considered him in a romantic sort of way. After today, I'm not entirely sure I do either. It's not that he isn't really fun to talk to, or that he isn't cute, or interesting and has a lot of the same interests at me, I guess it's something else. Maybe I had hoped to go to Madame Puddifoot's, it would have been nice to feel like I was being treated like a real woman.

I suppose if this were strictly a diary I would write more, but since it's more like a letter I'm going to put a rest to the Terry discussion. I think I would go out with him again, and I'm certainly going to play up how much I enjoyed my date to Ron, just because it irritates him so much. I think that Ron baiting is a pretty fun game.

I think it's nice to be compatible, and have loads to talk about with your date. Maybe I'm just being a silly romantic girl about the whole process, but I had hoped for sparks, or at least a flutter. I'd love to feel that silly little feeling you get when you look at someone and it just feels right. I guess they call that chemistry?

Tuesday, October 28

I've been studying like mad, I swear teachers try to get half the years work in before Halloween. It's always surprised me that there are hardly any written exams at school, of course several days there are practical lessons where we demonstrate that we've studied, there are never classes where we have to give written test answers, that gets saved for once a year, that is so entirely different from muggle schools. I remember back in school we'd have spelling tests almost every week. Maybe that's why Ron has such appalling study habits, our NEWT papers are due in only five months and he's hardly started.

Thursday, October 30

Transfiguration was great today, I'm really enjoying the turning animals into other animals. It seems so much easier when you understand the anatomy aspects of the transformation. Next weekend, McGonagall and I are going to the Ministry to register me as an animagus, thankfully it will be easy to get there. It's been so much nicer now that I'm seventeen and I can apparate.

Friday, October 31

Thanks for the Halloween candy, if I die today, I'm sorry, I'll try not to.

Dear Sir Comma Enter, chapter 3:

November

Sunday, November 2

Daddy Long Legs --

Can you please undo the curse that happens when Hermione doesn't write every day? She has enough problems now, she's unconscious in the hospital wing, now she has chills too, I hardly realized what was wrong with her, please please undo it.

--Cassandra Jade

Saturday, November 8

Well, I missed my trip to the Ministry to register as an animagus. Of course, that's probably the least of my worries. I'm sorry my writing is so shaky, but I only just woke up today, and I figured it would be polite to actually write you and tell you what went on a week ago. Of course, anyone who has been following the Daily Prophet knows exactly what happened on Halloween. Voldemort is dead, really truly dead, Aurors burned his body, Ginny told me, she watched.

I suppose it's a little anti-climactic to hear about the final battle a week after the fact, but I can assure you that I was there.

Do you suppose that defeating Voldemort will get be an O' on my NEWTs? Well, that was my NEWT project for Charms, Defense Against the Dark Arts, and Arithmancy, it was a total secret, only those teachers, Headmaster Dumbledore and Harry knew about it.

It worked, it was sort of a love patronus, at least that's how I conceived of it, whenever Harry was able to triumph over Voldemort, Dumbledore always attributed it to Harry's ability to love. Harry's mother's love always seemed to protect him, but it was passive. A happy memory cannot keep a dementor from you, but it is what you need to create a patronus, Harry's protection could not, by itself, defeat Voldemort, but it had the power to create what could.

The incantation is expecto amor, it actually doesn't sound very pretty, it really just means send love forth from me'. It destroyed anyone who could not handle a feeling of love. At the end of the day, that was the easy part, with Voldemort destroyed, those who were left knew they needed to flee, no one would believe that had been tricked into service, they had to escape or die trying.

My animagus form is a panther, jet black. If I learned one thing from Sirius Black, it is that huge scary looking animals really throw people off guard. As soon as Voldemort was dead, I transformed. The ones who started to fight, I fell upon them, it was terrifying. I think that is a large part of the reason it took so long to recover, I am still shocked I have a killer curled up somewhere inside my soul. Witches and wizards learn from an early age to shake off the ill effects of magic, what they don't learn, is how to cast spells when their arm has been mauled, or they are bleeding out from the chest, they don't ever figure that it will be useful. So, I teared into them, took them down, and terrified myself in the process.

Classes are still off, there will be an award ceremony next weekend and there are no classes until then. It seems to be mostly a reward, but I also have to say that it will take at least a few weeks to replace the professors who were killed. Professor Flitwick, Hagrid, and Professor Sinestra, almost a quarter of Hogwarts teaching staff. I cried for hours when I heard about Hagrid. I cried for all of them really, but when so many people die, it's hard to remember them all, you concentrate on the ones you miss the most.

Madame Pomfrey says I can leave the hospital wing tomorrow, I'm greatly looking forward to it, death seems to linger here.

Sunday, November 9

If you want to keep your identity secret, you will have to try harder, sir. After I woke up, I opened some of the gifts that had accumulated at my bedside while I was unconscious. I found your gift, a truly beautiful glass figurine, of a panther, it almost bit my finger. No one knew except those at the final battle, and only a few of those would know that the panther was me, and not some conjuration by another wizard. You have let me know that I know you, and now that I have nothing better to do, the mystery of who you are will be what my time goes towards.

Don't worry too much, I don't wish you any ill, really I just want to thank you. It makes it even more fun that it is a secret. I'm going to register as an animagus tomorrow, then you can be proud of me legally being an animagus.

All of the professors gave me gifts as well, it seems that propriety goes out the window when you and your friends defeat the dark wizard of your era. I suppose I was not too surprised by the fact that my teachers wanted to give me tokens, but what surprised me was that Professor Snape gave me a gift as well, a panther charm for my charm bracelet. That was not the only panther themed gift though, I received a collar, with a bell from Professor McGonagall, I think it's supposed to be a joke.

Dumbledore gave me a book, about the symbolism and spirituality of the panther, he also gave me a large quantity of sherbert lemons. In order to get rid of them in a timely fashion I keep having to offer them up to anyone who passes by. Sherbert lemon?'' seems to get quite a few snickers from the staff and Harry. I don't think it's funny at all.

I'm back in my Head Girl suite, with Harry, Ron, Neville, Ginny, and Cassie, now. The boys are trying to forget that their other two roommates are gone forever now. I never thought I'd be happy when Voldemort was defeated, I just never thought I'd be this sad.

Monday, November 10

I'm a registered animagus now. When I went to the Animagus Registry Department, I had to transform and then describe any defining features of my animal. I realized I have a small white patches where I wear your charm bracelet, only some of the charms seem to be there, but it's really fascinating, I also have a squiggly white patch on my chest as well. I joked to Professor McGonagall that it probably was a bookworm.

I had lunch with Professor McGonagall at this really nice restaurant in Diagon Alley, it was a little strange. She invited me to call her Minerva in private, that caught me a little off guard. I suppose I truly get to start thinking of my teachers as people. It's a dawn of a new era for Hermione Granger.

I can see thestrals. We took a carriage out to Hogsmeade when we went out, and I could see them, they are beautiful, and hideous. I wish I did not have to live in a time when people who barely considered themselves adults could see thestrals because that was the way the world was. I patted one of the nose, and then I cried, I cried all the way out to Hogsmeade. I think Professor McGonagall, I mean Minerva, had us walk back because she did not want me to have to think about it all a second time.

Tuesday, November 11

I guess you're not used to so many detailed journal entries from me in a row, I think I'm trying to make up for my week off. You know you gave me a hint then, sir. I had chills on the second, a clear sign that I had not written in the diary the day before. Cassie wrote to you in my diary, but they symptoms did not ease up, they got worse the next day. They suddenly stopped on the fourth, even though I did not write again until the eight.

That means you were out of commission too, if you didn't know I was sick, it makes sense that you would not lift the charm on the first day, but we already decided you were at the battle with me, so you knew I was asleep and could not write. And the next day, despite an explanation, my symptoms worsened. But the next day they stopped, so clearly you decided to not make me suffer needlessly. You're lucky I was not able to pay attention to the comings and goings in the hospital wing while I was unconscious, so I'll have to gather information. I'll track you down eventually.

Did you see the news? I'll have an Order of Merlin, First Class presented to me next weekend. Will you be there? I'm sure you will, I just wont know you. Yet.

Wednesday, November 12

I was really surprised exactly how many students went home for the impromptu holiday, although I suppose I should not be that surprised, now is a time when people want to be with their families. The Weasleys actually came to Hogwarts to see Ron and Ginny, they are still dealing with losing Mr. Weasley. I am still having a hard time believing it.

Molly Weasley is taking the whole thing exceptionally hard, as you can imagine. I'm sure losing your husband would be awful. Ginny told me that Mrs. Weasley is going to have to go back to work, but she hasn't worked since just a little after Charlie was born. She used to be a Mediwitch, and there is certainly a call for them now, I heard she already has a job at St. Mungo's. Bill and Charlie also seem to be pitching in, too.

Ron seems to have lost all interest in being an Auror, which is not really surprising at all, I think the reality of actually watching people die, and actually killing and capturing dark wizards was more than he was prepared to handle. I think he should go for a Quidditch spot, that would be great for him.

Harry punched Terry Boot when he came up to say hello to me today. I think it's safe to say Harry's not handling things too well, if he keeps this up he wont pass the mental exams to become an Auror. Other then that, everyone is smiling, everyone. I think maybe they're smiling because if they don't they wont be able to stop crying.

Muggles have these doctors, they're called psychologists, they help people deal with loss and trauma and death, I haven't found a wizarding equivalent. We need at least a dozen of them here at Hogwarts, I think.

Thursday, November 13

I found someone who is not smiling today, but he's not crying either. It's Professor Snape. I actually went looking for him. I needed to do some more work on one of my test potions and it really wouldn't do to keep neglecting it, so I went down to the potions classroom and started to do some work on it.

I didn't really think that Professor Snape would be there, but he stumbled in about an hour later, from his office. Apparently he had only just noticed the noise I was making in the classroom. I have a feeling most of the reason he hadn't noticed me earlier was because he was incredibly drunk. Don't tell anyone, I'd hate for him to get in trouble for it, I'm sure there are plenty of people who are drunk right now. It hurts too much to be sober.

I have never known Professor Snape to emote about much of anything, he can be angry, I've seen him angry, but in everything else he's always been very cold, especially to me. When I saw him today, I can only describe what I saw as total pain. He wanted to die, and even more than that, he wanted to know why he hadn't.

I didn't know what to do, so I started back at my work. He came over and sat down next to me, watching me work. We sat like that for more than an hour before he said anything. When he did, he said that a panther is more than a killer, it's a guardian, a nurturer, and a fierce protector. How did he know I was so terrified of what I had done, I haven't transformed since I registered, not even once, I almost couldn't transform when I did go to register. I didn't mention that before, I know. Maybe I will transform again, later, much later, when it doesn't feel like I've made part of my into a killer.

I said There is such a thing as evil in the world, Professor, but it does not live in you''. He left after that, but I saw him at dinner, I hope he's alright.

Friday, November 14

As you can tell from yesterday, I'm still working on school work, I think I'm using productivity as a defense for my feelings, but I can honestly say that, this time, my schoolwork actually was cathartic. My final draft of my NEWT paper about the love patronus is finished. I wrote about the effects of the spell, I must have relived the final battle a dozen times, washing away the raw emotions.

I remember when my parents died, I was confronted with the reality of it right away, no one to look after you, you don't live in your old house, every day you go out and you come home, and your parents aren't their. It's harsh, it's abrupt, but you get used to it. You don't get happy about it, but you get acclimated. I cried about my parents long and hard, but ruining my life because they are gone serves no purpose. I threw myself into work, and when I stopped to look inside myself, and open up the Pandora's Box of emotion, every time I opened the lid it hurt just a little less.

I've started to become acclimated to the new face of Hogwarts, it will be an evolving process. One day I'll look around and wonder where that fifth year went off to, and I'll realized they're dead, and I'll cry and know that I'm only slowly becoming aware of just how much my world changed.

Minerva told me that she is going to try to find a way to get psychologists to Hogwarts when the new term starts up. I asked her where she got the idea, because I had not brought it up, but she wouldn't say. We've been chatting most days lately, she goes to St. Mungo's a lot, to visit the headmaster. We're still not sure if he'll make it, I hear he looks very frail. I'm going with her tomorrow, there are some people I need to see, and I finally feel ready to do it.

Saturday, November 15

I haven't been in to any sort of hospital since the day I left, and so going to St. Mungo's was not exactly pleasant, but I needed to do it. Minerva went to go see Dumbledore, and I went to visit the Malfoys. Draco and Lucius betrayed Voldemort, they were the reason we got a chance at him. They organized a ball at the Malfoy Manor, invited all of the influential Death Eaters who could be invited, dropped the wards, and the bloodbath began.

Voldemort saw them for the traitors they were and tried to kill them both, but he did not have time to kill them, they were severely injured by Death Eaters during the battle though. Mr. Malfoy had been taken down by a Death Eater named Dolohov, he has my deepest sympathies as the exact same Death Eater, took me down with the exact same spell a year and a half ago at the Department of Mysteries. The spell scrambles up your insides and you die if you don't receive medical attention fast enough. I was saved by the fact that Dolohov was mute at the time and could not send off a full-powered spell. Mr. Malfoy was spared by the fact that I had researched that spell and knew how to stop the damage from progressing.

Draco was bitten by Voldemort's snake, Nagini, and like when it happened to Mr. Weasley, it took a very long time to heal. I visited Draco first, he looked decidedly awful. It was sort of strange hearing him call me Hermione'. I have to get used to calling him Draco' myself, I think we might actually manage friendship of some kind in the long run. He's getting out of the hospital later today and a large part of my reason for coming today was so that I could help him back to school, Malfoy Manor is in ruins. His entire right side is a little numb, but he's walking alright now.

After a few hours, Draco was released and we went down to see his dad. Mr. Malfoy still looks pretty awful. He invited me to call him Lucius when I was visiting with him, which was vaguely weird, but I suppose it'll be alright. He was glad to see Draco and vice versa.

I see this haunted look in his eyes, he's a marked man, and he may very well serve time in Azkaban for what he has done in the past. I think he is not entirely happy about being on the mend either. I would imagine his feelings of guilt are entirely new to him. It's probably made worse by the fact that as soon as he is well enough to leave he will be placed under arrest immediately, and trial soon after. I told him I would speak for him, at the trial. Minerva came to pick Draco and I up, and we went back to Hogwarts.

I think we'll spend the night up in the Head Boy and Girl suite living room carousing over many rounds of butterbeer.

Sunday, November 16

The presentation of the awards for service to the wizard world was today. Harry, Ron, and I received Order of Merlin, First Class. Of course, we weren't the only ones, in the end of it there were several students (including Ginny and Neville), the entire Order of the Phoenix, and dozens of Aurors, many of the awards were given posthumously.

Harry was called up last, and he got his award and he gave a speech. I wrote it for him, he asked me to write something that would inspire our world in the wake of such a tragedy, I did my best. I'm sure the full text of it will be in the Prophet tomorrow. It was all about unity though, Harry spent a large part of the reception afterwards chatting with Draco, although he did do a lot of mingling, a show of support and solidarity as it were.

Remus Lupin was there, he got an Order of Merlin, that makes him the first known werewolf to receive the award. Professor Snape was there too, I'm trying to decide if he was happy about the whole thing or not.

The work is really only beginning, the Dark Lord is dead, the bigotry he represents is still around. People are a little more wary, right now if you say a word like mudblood' or say muggle born' with a condescending tone everyone will question where your loyalties were during the war, but in a few years, it will all be the same again, the root of the poison has to be destroyed.

How?

Monday, November 17

All the students came back today, classes start up again tomorrow, Minerva introduced the new teachers at the feast. Professor Grubby-Plank is returning to more permanently replace Hagrid, Professor Artemis Dodge will be the new Charms professor, Professor Edmund Williams is teaching Astronomy. Dumbledore has not been allowed to leave St. Mungo's yet, so Minerva is the acting headmistress.

I had a meeting with Professor Dodge after the feast, I gave her my NEWT essay and she'll decide if it is sufficient to be presented as my NEWT paper. I'll meet with Professor Tonks and Professor Vector tomorrow to drop off other copies of the essay. I suppose I could ask Minerva if she thinks my Transfiguration NEWT paper is good enough to submit, I know I really only took about a month on it, but I was really working hard on it the last two weeks.

I work too hard I think. If all of those papers pass muster I only have one left for the year, Potions. I think I've been avoiding working on it, even though it's really important to Remus, but it's also the project that I'm most looking forward to. It is the most experimental, I knew the love patronus would appear, I made Harry practice it all the time, the fact that it killed Voldemort, that was luck, but at the end of the day I knew it would work. When you make a potion, you're not even positive it's not going to kill you, that's terrifying and exciting.

Thursday, November 20

As is painfully obvious by now, I have been quite busy the last several days. Lots of students have been coming around when they can't get in to see the new psychologists. They talk to me about losing parents, and siblings, and friends, they talk to me about missing their old teachers, they talk about missing laughing about stupid little things. Sometimes they cry, actually most times.

I've been to the shrinks (a muggle slang for psychologists) twice myself, it helps me to be available to students more. I also talked to all the teachers I have NEWT papers in too. All approved, with compliments, I suppose all that's left to do it talk to Professor Snape about putting a lot more time and effort into that project. I'll probably need something worked out before the January 11th full moon if I want to be able to finish the paper with plenty of time.

Classes are really crunching now because of all the time for break. The word is that Dumbledore is going to be back tomorrow, it's just what Minerva told me. I was told not to spread it around because it might not happen, but you are hardly just anyone, you wont tell anyone. I hope he does come back, in many ways if Albus Dumbledore is ok, the world is ok. It feels that way sometimes, anyway.

Friday, November 21

Talked to Professor Snape after Potions class today, he agreed that I would probably not make much more progress if I did not attend to the problem more rigorously, we'll start meeting twice a week, and I'll do more research too. Only eight students are taking potion NEWTs, which is actually a little low. Half of them are Gryffindors, I bet he hates that. I wonder how everyone else is doing, I know Harry and Ron have hardly started research, Neville is going along at a good pace though, but I think he's not as far along on the Potions side of the equation of the Potions/Herbology problem. Draco is farther ahead I think, at least he seems to be getting more results, so I suppose he's the one to beat. I have no idea how the Ravenclaws are doing on their projects.

Professor Dumbledore is back today, we had a huge feast. He spoke quite a few sobering words about being the future of the wizarding world. I really thought about that later, the population of the wizarding world is down probably more than a third from 1975, magical innovation is clearly down, the number of new theories in almost every field is down, and we still haven't stamped out the bigotry that started all of this in the first place, and I have no doubt that there are still Death Eaters out there. Purebloods are almost extinct, but the bigotry continues. I definitely should not deliver the graduation address, it would just be depressing.

Saturday, November 22

First Quidditch game of the year today. It was supposed to be November 1st, but we all know how that turned out. Slytherin couldn't play because Malfoy is still a little injured and one of their chasers was killed in the final battle. Gryffindor played Hufflepuff instead, it was a landslide victory. If Ron keeps playing the way he did today I think he's got a great chance to at least make a professional Quidditch reserve team.

I got my Cunningham's Monthly today, it has my article in it, you should pick up a copy, please. Truly published, it's a dream come true. Seeing my name and ideas in ink really makes me think that academics might be a good place for me. Pity there's no such thing as a wizard university, apprenticeships don't really strike my fancy.

Tuesday, November 25

I took the day off from school today. Before you complain too loudly, it was for Lucius Malfoy's trial. Draco and I went. Dumbledore came as well. The evidence seemed stacked against him from the start, I heard horrible things about him that I had only imagined before today. Is that what Death Eaters are? I suppose I knew they did terrible things. They proved quite definitively that he was a Death Eater. I suppose I should have given up hope then, even if they did not administer the Dementor's Kiss he would have to serve in Azkaban.

Dumbledore gave evidence that Lucius had been working for him since the summer, which was compelling. I think it helped that he said Voldemort would never have been defeated so quickly if it wasn't for Lucius. Draco pleaded for the life and liberty of his father, his mother had been killed late last year, he asked that they should consider that. I don't know how much weight that had, but even in his disheveled state Lucius is still gorgeous and powerful, that would help.

Then it was my turn to speak, I yammered on quite a bit, about finding Lucius a changed man, about needing to reward the ability to listen to morality even though Voldemort's power was at it's height when he defected. I then broke down, and cried. I did not save this man to have him go to Azkaban or worse. I saved him so he could live', I think that's what I said. The panel asked me if I truly meant it, knowing what kind of man he was. I would save him again in a heartbeat, even after having heard him confess to his every sin.'

I stepped down after that. I don't know exactly what came over me, but as I stepped down I gave Lucius a huge hug. Everyone in the room was startled, myself included, but I think I needed to, just to prove to myself I truly forgave him.

It was time for the vote, I'll admit it, I closed my eyes.

The vote was for acquittal, Miss Granger.' Dumbledore said into my ear.

The four of us went to Diagon Alley to celebrate.

Friday, November 28

Lucius came by Hogwarts after class today to spend a few hours with Draco, he thanked me again, claiming that my words were what swayed the panel. That would be nice to believe.

I went running today, as a panther, I ran around the grounds and through the halls, I ran over Minerva and Dumbledore, I ran over Professor Snape, I ran over Professor Tonks, I think I lost over 50 points from Gryffindor, but when I got back to my room I feel down on my bed and laughed and laughed. There is a killer inside me somewhere, but I saved someone's life, because it was important to me. I guess I had to feel like I wasn't just good for taking life. Saving abstract people who would have been killed if Voldemort lived longer could not undo the feeling that I was a killer, but saving one man could.

Saturday, November 29

Ravenclaw versus Slytherin today, Slytherin lost, their team is still not complete, but they had to have a game this month or else the schedule would be totally off track. Apparently I didn't lose any points last night, weird.

Dear Sir Comma Enter, Chapter 4

December

Monday, December 1

Professor Snape seems to have decided that his Advanced Potions class must not have any other classes, of course, all of the other teachers are acting the same way, but I also have my project with him so I suppose he's grating on my nerves especially hard. Of course, I did run him over the other day, I suppose I should be glad he didn't mention it.

Progress on the Wolfsbane Potion is excellent, progress on a lycanthropy cure is almost nonexistent. This round of experimenting with my Wolfsbane Potion looks especially promising and hopefully I've been able to reduce most of the side effects with mine that made the transformation almost unbearable with the old potion. I'll be able to test those results on the December 13th full moon.

Remus has been really helpful with the potion, of course, I suppose he has a lot of personal interest in the subject. I'm not even entirely sure if he can have a normal life even if he is cured, that stigma never seems to go away. Even with an Order of Merlin and killing Voldemort, it's stuck on you.

Wednesday, December 3

Wow! I just got about two dozen owls from several different publications who want to run an article about my new Patronus spell and, of course, the defeat of Voldemort. Transfiguration Today wants to publish my metamorphmagi research, and possibly do an interview about my whole experience, I'm rather wary of interviews in general, after the Triwizard Tournament issues with Rita Skeeter, but I'm probably going to accept their offer. Considering that Transfiguration is something I'm interested in for a career, it would be ridiculous to pass up the chance to be in one of the more well recognized Transfiguration publications.

The articles about Voldemort are a little more difficult to decide on. What do you think? Can I count on a bunch of academics to not sensationalize the defeat of the most powerful wizard since Grindelwald? Probably not, but I would like your advice if you are prepared to give it.

Cassandra managed to find a faculty sponsor for an art club, apparently Professor Vector is a great patron of the arts. I hardly know anything about painting or such, but maybe I'll go to a meeting or two. You know, when I'm not being Head Girl, or working toward my Potions NEWT. I think I'm glad that I can't draw or anything, it keeps me from trying to compete with Cassie.

Thursday, December 4

I ended up talking to Minerva after class today about having an article in Transfiguration Today, she was very excited about the prospect and told me, in confidence, that I'm one of the brightest students she's ever had the pleasure of teaching. That is certainly good for the ego.

Much worse for the ego today, talking to Professor Snape, at least he didn't call me an insufferable know-it-all, again. Testing is finished on the improved Wolfsbane Potion, it is not poisonous, so I'll definitely be testing it in about a week, wish me luck.

I've been doing lots of experimentation with silver for the lycanthropy cure, but that might be a dead end. I have managed to definitively prove that lycanthropy is a virus, which was previously only speculated, unfortunately that's not exactly newsworthy, no one gives a damn about werewolves. They don't care as long as they don't get bitten.

Saturday, December 6

Thank you for your advice regarding publishing, I think I will start work on my first book as soon as my Potions NEWT paper is finished. Of course, you have proved yourself a true academic with your reasoning, but terribly practical, thus, I have definitively concluded you could not have been a Gryffindor. Gryffindor's have no conceptions of practicality, we're far to willing to just give up an idea because it might be useful to everyone else. Probably not a Hufflepuff either, they're too egalitarian and believe in the free-flow of information.

Of course, you may not be a British wizard, in which case, I am at a loss, but at the very least your written English is flawless, but you sent me to teach at a French wizard institution. Maybe you attended Beaubatons?

Tuesday, December 9

Can you believe I have classes other than Potions? Sometimes I don't when I look down at what I have written. I feel pretty dedicated to the project though, lycanthropy is a degenerative condition and most werewolves, especially ones who were bitten young don't live to see 50. Of course, Remus is no where near that old, only 37, but he's been in particularly poor health after the last few transformations so I'm very worried for him.

Have you seen pictures of him? In the Prophet or wherever? I swear he looks so old sometimes, I notice it with my classmates sometimes, we don't look young, we look like we've lived through lifetimes already. I see it especially with Harry, his eyes, they always look like he is just about to cry, and they have so much hurt. He doesn't talk socially anymore, he just listens. I know he's gone to the shrinks, but I'm worried that he'll never be all the way better.

His saving people' thing has gotten kind of extreme as well, it's a paradox, he feels like the people he love get hurt, but he has to protect them. Ron and I, he tries to hold us close and keep us at arm's length, it's very strange.

Ron's heard a rumor that the next Quidditch match (Gryffindor vs. Ravenclaw) will have a scout there. His good performance in the game, and maybe a Gryffindor win of the Quidditch Cup would really launch his career.

In other news, Terry finally worked up the courage to come talk to me after Harry punched him out last time. He said he wants to be friends. Oh well, I can't say that I'm surprised and I find myself rather unmoved by his declaration of platonic feelings.

It feels like Ron is gearing up to ask me to Hogsmeade at the end of term, I think I'm going to prepare a I think of you as a brother' speech. I don't need to tell him that as much as I find him adorable, he really doesn't challenge me on an intellectual level.

Thursday, December 11

Goodness, I did a lot of Potions work today. I think I may have accidentally found a lycanthropy vaccine. You know, I should be thrilled, but I keep finding these tangential things that don't solve my main problem. The vaccine is safe on werewolves and there is a small chance that it will help with some of the degeneration problems inherent in the condition, I'll talk to Remus about him when I see him for tests next week. It might keep uninfected' new cells from being damaged, I'm not really sure how it works, I don't think that's good. I'll try to have the answer in a week.

I also got to read Neville's Potion/Herbology NEWT paper, it's really amazing. He's working on some breeding programs, also with mandrakes, and analyzing some muggle mental stimulants in order to try to stimulate recovery from long term curse damage. It's a pretty personal subject for him, and the more I think about it the more I think he would make an amazing mediwizard. I hope Professor Snape appreciates it, I think it's brilliant, but that might just be me.

Three papers due next week, busy weekend. Potions tomorrow, we're working on some of the more complex healing potions. Arithmancy went really well today, Professor Vector commented that I was starting to surpass her ability to actually follow along with the calculations that I was working on. She can only confirm the results. I suppose that's quite strange, realizing that you are hitting the edge of a teacher's knowledge. I suppose my work with Minerva is getting to that point.

Sunday, December 14

I stayed with Remus last night, I really don't think that Professor Snape would have liked having a werewolf in his classroom so we sat up in one of the abandoned first floor rooms. I would have liked to have someone to talk to, but I actually ended up curling up as a Panther and sleeping like that.

This morning he was tired, but he kept his mind and there were almost zero side-effects from the Wolfsbane Potion. He still looked like crap though. We discussed the vaccine, and he agreed to try it. I feel guilty sometimes, using him as my guinea pig, but I know he wants to be cured as much as I want to cure him.

I got special permission from Minerva and went with Remus to Hogsmeade, we enjoyed a few rounds of butterbeer and celebrated a small victory in his fight towards normalcy. We had a great day, but there was only one weird bit. When he walked me back to the castle, after we got there, I swear he wanted to kiss me. I just saw it in his eyes, but instead he said goodbye and walked away.

My heart is still racing just a little bit, and I can't tell if I wanted it or I was scared of it. I hope I can sort all of this out, it's really too much to deal with right now.

Monday, December 15

Snape was unusually cranky today, sometimes I think he needs a good hug. I'm making fantastic progress, yet he keeps suggesting that I haven't a damn clue what I'm doing. I don't know why I put up with it sometimes, maybe it's because I respect him too damn much. Ron asked me to Hogsmeade, shot him down. I think my brain is going to explode from dealing with my feelings on the Remus issue'.

He used to be my Professor, a while ago, so that makes it a little strange, I've only just gotten used to calling him Remus' and not Professor'. He's the sweetest guy, and very attractive. I suppose I'm a little hooked on the fact that he's so willing to help me with my work. The age difference is pretty negligible in the wizarding world, and so that's not really a big deal. I just can't fight this conflicted feeling in my heart though. Why do I feel this way?

I can't wait for holiday so I have a chance to have a break from it all and just not think some.

Wednesday, December 17

Ugg, Ron is sulking, as if I wasn't already so confused without adding on top of it needing to coddle a teenaged ego. I don't think he took my let down as well as I hoped. I'd offer to have a butterbeer with him if I though it wouldn't do more harm that good. I think I'll make sure that Harry comes along, during Hogsmeade visit, to keep things unstrange. I think I'll bring Draco along too, safety in numbers.

In case you were interested in the continuing saga of Draco, I don't hang out with him much, so I hardly talk to him, but he's really glad that his dad's not in Azkaban, maybe I'll try to spend more time with him after spring term starts, he could be a powerful voice in the years to come, speaking out against the bigotry in our world.

Even with personal problems beckoning I still seem to manage to think about the big picture' every once and a while.

Saturday, December 20

End of term is tomorrow, hence, Hogsmeade trip today, most of the students are going home, even Ron and Ginny. Mrs. Weasley is doing alright, she's still super-mom in a lot of ways, she doesn't have any kids to take care of at home and so she's sort of settled in to working at St. Mungo's. I think having so many people to take care of really helps her deal, she gets to fall back on being a mom.

I had already finished all of my Christmas shopping, but Ron and Harry had, as usual, left it off to the last minute. It's hardly any hyperbole at all when I say they have been wrapped since October. I just finished up with your present though, can you send an owl for it? I don't think even the owls can find Daddy Long Legs', Cassie also has a present.

Are you getting ready for Christmas? I wonder if you have a huge family, or maybe you live by yourself, or something in between those two? Whatever the case, set aside a glass of egg nog for me and Cassandra at Christmas dinner. Minerva told me today that only eight kids are staying at Hogwarts over break, I know three off the top of my head, the rest are probably students I don't know very well.

Sunday, December 21

Most everyone took off on the Hogwarts Express this morning, leaving me mostly to my own devices. I think I'll probably work on Potions, get ahead on my class papers, and maybe start on my Voldemort book'. It's funny to think of writing a book about Voldemort as if he were an interesting project I had just finished.

Cassie and I got your owl, and we've sent off your presents, no fair opening them until Christmas day though! I know you're pretty much providing everything for us, but it feels nice to send something to you in appreciation. I've always sent presents to my teachers, since my first year, sometimes I'm rather embarrassed of the whole thing but there is no helping it, my mom always had me give presents to my teachers at muggle school and the habit kind of stuck. Usually, I would just send some nuts or fruit or candy, just a nice gift to try to spread some holiday feeling, but as the years went on and I got to know my teachers better I tried to get them things that were a little more personal.

It's hard to believe this is going to be my last Christmas at Hogwarts and I'm actually going to have to chose a career soon. I should probably think about that while I have a break from classes. Teaching is certainly an option, or mediwitch, those both have a lot to do with helping people. I think maybe working for the Ministry would give me a lot of chances to continue with my own research, which would be fantastic.

I think I might like reading books and working on new theories more then most other options.

Monday, December 22

I ended up working in the dungeons the whole day on my project. When I showed up I don't think Professor Snape was expecting me, but really, do you think I would pass up the perfect opportunity to work on my project. I don't have to keep Harry and Ron out of trouble, no girl-talk with Ginny, just me and a half-dozen simmering cauldrons.

I'm working like a bit of a mad-woman at this, I really want to have something for Remus next time he comes around, I just want to be able to take away that pain from him. So many people around me are dealing with anger and anxiety and such, it's just seems to much easier to cure someone medically than take away all of their psychological pain.

I suppose I imagine Professor Snape to have the sort of pain I'm no good at healing. I know I don't know anything about his life, or his friends, or anything like that, for all I know he could be married with a zillion kids although I don't really think so. I'm making him brownies for Christmas, it's the only sweet I've ever seen him eat, I'm not even sure he trusts me enough to eat them. I'm a stickler for the rules though, and even though he's mean sometimes, I wouldn't do anything mean back.

Thursday, December 25

Well, today I'm finally taking a break from incessant working, it's Christmas after all. You certainly know how to spoil a workaholic, Daddy Long Legs, a self-organizing day planner. I'll never have to write down anything again, I think you might just have a thing for magical books. I got an anonymous gift too, I figure it wasn't actually from you, it was an emph{Ars Alchemica} Digest, it's absolutely chock full of old articles and it's a really interesting read, I wonder who sent it. It's obviously not from Remus though, he sent me a book of Shakespeare's sonnets, pretty mushy, I'll have to decide what I feel about that sometime.

Ron sent me hair clips, which were nice, I decided to wear them today, when Harry saw them he just snickered at me and said Nice butterflies', I guess butterflies aren't really me. Harry got me a book about wizard careers, I have decided to subtitle it decision making for helpless know-it-alls'. After Harry and I put on our Weasley Sweaters' we went down to the Christmas Feast for lunch. I don't know why the Christmas feast is at lunch, it's really not my decision.

There were only four professors there, Dumbledore, Minerva, Professor Snape, and Professor Dodge, apparently the rest of them went on vacation or were ignoring the feast. It's great to have one of the house elves know me personally, Dobby always makes sure I get something light for dinner, you'd think wizards didn't have to worry about cholesterol the way they eat most times.

Harry decided to run off and ride around on his Firebolt, leaving me to my own devices. Having already decided to not work today I decided to take a walk around outside. I ran into Professor Snape and he actually thanked me for the brownies, imagine that, it was a little surreal. We chatted about an article in the latest Ars Alchemica and he congratulated me on my publication successes.

Will Christmas wonders never cease? Happy Christmas, sir, hope you'll have those glasses of egg nog for me and Cassandra.

Monday, December 29

Do wizards just not know about viruses? Most treatments for magical ailments of the virus variety seem to revolve around throwing your most powerful healing spell at it, of course this does not work in a variety of cases. Sometimes that is the right solution, strengthen the body's natural functions, that's what you see in the case of something like Skele-gro or Pepper-Up Potion, you make a potion that works with what the body does naturally.

Does using a potion to kill something inside you constitute dark magic of some kind? I think that's the answer to the lycanthropy problem, destroy the virus, the body doesn't know it has to fight, so it doesn't. But I'm having the damnedest of times trying to find a previous potion, or even a spell, to base my design on.

Innovation comes in spits and starts, and stays only briefly. Professor Snape owns a white shirt, white, the opposite of black, I had no idea he owned anything that was not black or green. Shock and amazement, as well as some progress, from your humble orphan.

Wednesday, December 31

Poison, the answer is poison. You can make a poison that destroys a single organ, some terribly advanced ones can even destroy a few veins, and the most difficult can even destroy a single memory utterly and completely irreversibly.

What if it's not perfect? I could kill him.

Dear Sir Comma Enter, Chapter 5

January

Thursday, January 1

Happy New Years, sir. My new year has already been quite stressful I think, I went down to the dungeon at around six in the morning to start doing some reading and arithmetical calculations, I also have started working out ingredient lists that will hopefully be useful. I'll have to isolate properties of the werewolf virus' and then work out a way to isolate it using ingredients and it's just completely complicated.

I think Professor Snape woke up with a New Year's hangover himself, he came wandering in at around nine looking for a Hangover Relief Potion. I'm glad I didn't laugh at him, I think he might have taken my head off. He looks entirely silly when he hasn't woken up yet, his hair sticks out at all different angles and he was only wearing pants, no shirt, just pants, my feelings on that simply complicate my life even more, I think.

I'm also not entirely sure he saw me properly when he came in for the potion, which I'm very glad of. I decided this because he only questioned my presence in his classroom after returning to his room and presumably taking a shower and getting more dressed. I'm not entirely sure he remembered that he had come to his classroom, crisis averted.

I explained my theory to him after he was sufficiently awake and I think he might have actually been a little impressed, well, he said it could work, I guess that means impressed.

Friday, January 2

There should be a rule that you never have to work with someone again after you've seen them without a shirt on. It's not terrible, Professor Snape rarely works in close quarters with me, but it's making my life sort of strange. If I think about it, I realize he hasn't really been a git for a while either. Damn, I think seeing someone without a shirt makes you think of them as less of a git, too.

I'll admit it, he was pretty cute. Ugg, must work on potion and not think about the fact that I'm thinking about two men who are each old enough to be my father, and Professors, can you get any more kinky? Don't answer that.

Now that I think about it, you probably know Remus and Professor Snape, if you know me. I don't even want to consider who you might be now, the possibilities are all too embarrassing.

There is absolutely no way I'm going to finish the poison in time for this full moon, well I suppose I could, maybe, barely, most poisons are quick to brew, but you need to test them very extensively before giving them to humans. I suppose that's sort of ironic because with poisons you're mostly trying to kill people.

Sunday, January 4

I have been brewing potions all weekend, Professor Snape yelled at me today for trying to brute force the solution. I'd like to know what he would do under this sort of time constraint. I've been working on various ways of getting the poison to home in on the virus, but so far, no luck, I have killed several rats though, I feel terribly guilty, but I'm a woman possessed right now. Success or failure could be near.

Monday, January 5

Class starts up again, taking time away from poisons, I think this is the first time I've ever actually wanted to skip classes. Not that I did, Professor Snape would never let me into the dungeons during class time. Thankfully I can ignore my homework because I've already finished up this month's homework. All of the time I'm not in class, eating, or sleeping is spent on the potion. Less than a week left.

I wish there were more hours in the day, sorry I'm not writing more.

Wednesday, January 7

Wolf hair and powdered silver, it's the answer. I had to make some changes to the base poison to accommodate the silver. I managed to not kill my test rat, that in and of itself was impressive, and I even got to the test on one of the lycanthropic rats I've been using for many of my observations. Tentative results look good, will report more later. Oh yeah, Defense Against the Dark Arts was fun today, we're dueling almost once a week, it's really exciting.

Thursday, January 8

Damn, damn, damn! Were-symptoms have returned to my test rat. I tried the vaccine in conjunction with the poison. I think it might not have killed the entire virus. Up the potency? Second dose? Has their been some sort of virus mutation that I need to take into account? There are too many possibilities. What I wouldn't give for a virologist right now.

I had to start brewing Wolfsbane Potion today, Remus will need it if this is not going to work. I cried the whole time. Professor Snape said something about expecting too much from ourselves', I think he was trying to be a comfort, but it did not particularly help. No one cares about werewolves, they're monsters', they're animals', and they're inhuman', I care, I give a damn, but I can't do everything.

I can't give give him his cure in three days.

Friday, January 9

I seem to have cured the problem of degeneration of werewolves, a werewolf will get progressively sicker as they go through their lives, and I have concluded that this has a lot to do with the amount of virus in the werewolf's system. I have managed to reduce virus count in the test animal to early stages of werewolf infection. That would mean less painful transformations, but the transformations would still happen.

I've managed to make a more potent version of the were-poison, which managed to kill a typical were-rat, but did not seem to hurt the rat I had been testing yesterday. I live in hope. I can't give this to Remus, but I can keep looking.

Had potions class today, ironically enough we're working on poisons. Quidditch and the full moon this weekend, guess which one I care more about.

Saturday, January 10

Gryffindor vs. Ravenclaw, pretty close game. Draco came to the game and cheered on Ginny, apparently they've been spending more time together than I realized, fancy that, a Slytherin cheering for a Gryffindor. Harry managed to get the snitch, and the win, but it was still a close match. It was a good play all in all.

Lucius came to the match, which he didn't do last time, I think he might have still been a little sick. He came and talked to Ginny and I and was downright civil, actually nice I think. Apparently, Professor Snape had mentioned my werewolf work to him because he seemed interested in my progress, I suppose I was a little negative about the whole thing because it's just not progressing fast enough, but I tried.

The Malfoys invited Ginny and I to have lunch, and after checking with Ginny, in that psychic-girl-way determined I could buzz off and she wouldn't mind I ran off to check on my rats. Terribly exciting, I know.

Sunday, January 11

Full moon tonight, Professor Snape wants me to set up in one of the side potions labs today instead of an abandoned classroom like last time, apparently that doesn't conform to the proper wizarding ideal of scientific method. Wrote more about Voldemort today, I'm beginning to think this book might never get finished with everything else I have going. Also worked on more homework, I like to keep up with it about a month in advance when I can, most of the professors are happy to give me the work in advance because it usually means I'm ridiculously prepared for class by the time it rolls around.

Monday, January 12

Minerva used my overwork on the lycanthropy cure to demand I take the day off to spend it with Remus. I swear, that woman wants to thwart all my efforts at sanity, does she know exactly how difficult this is for me? But in the end, we had a lot to celebrate, my test rat, has pass its lycanthropy test, which is to say, every way that is currently known to test for lycanthropy failed to detect the rat as a were-creature.

Next month will be devoted to making sure the poisons are safe for humans and developing counter-poisons in the case that the poisons are not werewolf safe. I explained all this to Remus and he seemed quite excited. Well of course he did, I hope, and it's not without foundation, that this might have a happy resolution in just a few months time. One month if it all goes perfectly, maybe as little as two or three if there are problems. I can hope for perfect, right?

I thanked Remus for his Christmas gift, and there were a few moments of complete awkwardness, I wasn't quite sure what to say. How do you explain how you're feeling when you don't even know yourself? I used the only shield I had and discussed some of the more intellectual things I could think of to say about Shakespeare and his sonnets. It's awful, I don't want to push him away, I don't want to draw him near, I want to kiss him, I don't want to kiss him.

He brought me up to the castle just in time for dinner and I grabbed him into a huge hug, I didn't even mean to until after I had, so much trying to take this intellectually. He gave me this adorable smile and then wandered of the to edge of the grounds.

Of course, just to make my life more difficult, Professor Snape was at dinner, slightly glowery. I had been successfully dodging my emotions on that issue for almost two weeks, now with the crunch to the cure over, I had no excuse but to return to my less fevered pace and deal with his proximity again. Just to complicate it even more, today was a scheduled research day.

I picked his brain a little on the making of counter-poisons (entirely different from antidotes), which I am only vaguely familiar with, as they are completely in the realm of Potions Master' level. We discussed ingredients and brewing methods. Anything to keep it intellectual, anything to keep it unsexy, anything to keep me from calling him Severus' in my head.

Damn.

Wednesday, January 14

I'm glad to finally be able to relax a little bit, I've been so high strung the last few weeks. Professor Snape assures me that, although the theory is complex, the actual implementation of the werewolf counter poison will be relatively simple. I've been considering what to call the potion should it actually succeed in it's aim. If you think about it, it would be far more apt to be called Wolfsbane Potion then what currently holds that name. I can't keep calling it that werewolf potion' either, that's just silly.

I'm going to turn in my NEWT paper on the Wolfsbane Potion tomorrow I think, I will only turn that copy in if I can't finish up the wolf poison in time, otherwise I will have a much more interesting and important topic to write about.

I forgot to mention it earlier, my metamorphmagi paper has been in the latest Transfiguration Today for almost a week now, pick up a copy, it's exciting. It's funny what you forget about when you're working with a Professor you find vaguely sexy to cure another ex-Professor who you also find sexy, it really throws you from the academic game.

Thursday, January 15

Ron is being an absolute git lately, just the other day he declared that I was turning into an even worse know-it-all, and that I was spending too much time with Professor Snape. His argument was that I was way too excited about Potions for it to be healthy. He's one to talk, especially considering that now that he's not planning to be an Auror he only goes to Defense Against the Dark Arts to drool over Professor Tonks.

I think he might just be a little cranky about the fact that his sister is dating his ex-worst-enemy. It's official, Ginny Weasley and Draco Malfoy, really kind of strange when you think about it. I think I said sometime a while back that Gryffindors and Slytherins could bring out the best in each other, I hope I was right. Of course, Draco is not particularly pulling weight for the cause of not caring about blood, dating a pureblood. Well, beggars can't be choosers, it's not like I was going to shag him.

I've finished up the counter-poison ingredient and instruction list, so I'll be able to start brewing on next monday. I've also started testing if the poison is harmless for humans. That sounded so stupid after I wrote it.

Saturday, January 17

It snowed a lot up at Hogwarts last night. Harry, Ron, Draco, Ginny, and I ran around outside and had a huge snowball fight. After some encouragement from Draco I practiced going into my animagus form, bounding around and pouncing on all of them. I suppose in many ways I was channeling a little bit of Sirius. Harry needs to lighten up, I don't think I've really seen him happy since Sirius died, he always gave his all and still loved people with all of his might, but he was never really happy.

He actually laughed today, it's the first time I've seen really break out in a good long laugh since the battle. We sat there, out in the cold, packed with layers of snow, laughing like there wasn't a care in the world.

That night we talked, really sat and talked. I'd been trying to break through his skin for months, and he just sort of came and knocked on my door, with a smile and a case of butterbeer. I knew he had been keeping a lot of things inside, a lot of anger, a lot of fear, and a lot of angst, and he just laid it all out for me to see.

He's very angry with Dumbledore, not that I blame him. Ever since Harry was chosen by Voldemort, the Headmaster just accepted that he could do nothing against Voldemort. Harry had a destiny that he did not understand, he would always feel that he was pushed into the fight against Voldemort under-prepared and under-supported by Albus Dumbledore. He may be considered the greatest wizard of the era, but he assumed that just because Harry had to be the one to finish off Voldemort that all of the rest of us were consigned to pawns in the war. If I had succumb to that sort of thinking, Harry would have had nothing but a hope and prayer to face Voldemort with.

I think he's terrified of what will happen to everyone near him. It's this strange dichotomy, the friends he has, he holds closer than before, trying to keep them from anyone who might hurt them, those who he does not know already, he keeps them away, worried that if he cares for them they'll just be hurt. I know he wants someone to love, and to care for, but he feels that he can't have that because being Harry Potter's girl friend is too dangerous for anyone to be. Maybe he's just using it as an excuse to not let anyone near him, and to not love anyone again. It's so sad, his love is what defeated Voldemort.

It would be a shame for him to just give up on ever being in love with someone.

Sunday, January 18

When Harry heard about my goal to write a book about the charm that defeated Voldemort, he was actually pretty excited. He decided he wanted to talk about his own experiences casting the charm, and everything. At first I was a little worried, but I realized that he's terrified of reporters, after those Rita Skeeter incidents' in our fourth year and this is his best way to have his voice heard and know that the writer actually listened to him.

Of course, after talking about it, Harry was very excited to have me writing it. With a renewed sense of purpose, I went to work on it for almost the entire day. Harry puttered around my room, he read both of my articles in the journals I had, he read bits of my Ars Alchemica digest too, he practiced transfiguring bits of my homework into owls, and he even worked on his Potions essay, it's about ingredient substitutions in various healing potions. He would chatter with me when I wasn't writing but seemed to think that I should not be interrupted in general.

It was very nice, just sitting with someone with nothing but the scratch of a quill or the turn of a page echoing in the room. The end result was that I finished several pages. I could really use a laptop or something, that would be amazing, of course they don't work at Hogwarts, I can't really understand how wizards can write something hundreds of pages long straight through. That's not to say I'm a good typist, but it's certainly faster and easier to edit. Mostly easier to edit.

I suppose I should quit complaining, it's not that bad to write and edit, I guess it's really only a problem when you are the sort of person to write four drafts. And then, even after you've written out your paper, wizards seem biased against anything that doesn't come handwritten on parchment, maybe a computer wouldn't solve many problems now that I think about it.

Tuesday, January 20

I finished brewing the counter-poison for Argentis Poison (that's my new name for the lycanthropy cure). The next few days will be dedicated to making sure that it's safe to drink and that it actually acts as a counter-poison to the Argentis Poison.

I started writing a draft for that NEWT paper, going over my method and preliminary results, I still have to wait until the 10th for results on the human tests.

This morning I received an owl from an alchemist named Antony Flamel (no relation to the famous Nicholas), he offered me a position as his apprentice. I mentioned it to Minerva, she said that I should be prepared for many more offers in the months to come. With two published articles and my relationship with Harry and the defeat of Voldemort, she was surprised that I had not received any offers before today. When I asked Professor Snape about it, he said that Flamel had asked for his opinion of me as an alchemist when he real my article in Transfiguration Today. Apparently it was a good opinion.

If this is going to be a common occurrence, I should probably make a filing system for the offers. I have decided to file this under Alchemy - maybe' and go research more about Antony Flamel. Imagine that, job offers, without even having taken my NEWTs yet, and without even applying. I suppose I'll take a little fame if it means that I get to have a nice selection of jobs to choose from.

Friday, January 23

Minerva certainly was correct, the floodgates have opened. I've received over a hundred job offers in a variety of fields. It looks like everyone has assumed that they should send them later, but now they had to compete with Flamel's offer. Most of them are research oriented, more information when I've sorted through them more. Harry and Ron have been helping me sort through the lot of them. Apparently Ron had been feeling neglected with me spending so much time with Harry last weekend, I swear, boys are insufferable sometimes. Maybe I could steer Ron in the direction of a girl who thinks he's just dreamy', that could work, he likes having his ego stroked. With any luck I could have them set up before the next Gryffindor quidditch match. Brilliant plan.

Thankfully Ron isn't mooning after me any more, that would just be weird. Harry has gotten some offers as a tutor and a teacher for Defense type jobs, but he's really counting on being an Auror still, and has rejected all of the offers pretty much out of hand. Ron is also receiving some offers, like Harry's, but I think what he's really hoping for is a chance to play for the Chudley Cannons. Of course, they are one of the worst teams in the league, so that shouldn't be too difficult a task.

Where do you go to find a Quidditch groupie for one of your best mates to shag? Quidditch isn't for a few weeks and Gryffindor isn't even playing.

Sunday, January 25

Busy week in Gryffindor, Harry and Ron are working furiously on NEWT papers. I'm actually kind of proud of them for getting down to writing them comparatively early. Harry is less surprising because he seems to focused on becoming an Auror now more than ever before. I think Ron's working because he doesn't have Quidditch practice.

Neville has been working on his Defense Against the Dark Arts NEWT paper. He told me that Snape had only made a few suggestions on his Potions paper and that he was actually almost entirely done. His Defense paper is on Cruciatus exposure, it's actually a bit of a summary paper, but not all NEWT papers can be groundbreaking research. He asked me to look over his changes on his Herbology/Potions paper, nothing too major, but it is a substantial improvement. Neville's really brilliant sometimes, even if he gets really intimidated by Professor Snape. I hope he does well on his NEWTs, studying to be a Healer is one of the more difficult career fields to get in to.

Wednesday, January 28

Everything is ready for the full moon, I'm so nervous.

Some day I will look back on this year and laugh, really, really laugh. I spent my first two, maybe three, years at Hogwarts wrapped up in this warm blanket, with the comforting thought that there was nothing in the world that could not be fixed by simple hard work. Then Voldemort returned to full power, and the world denied it, and it was not so simple any more. Sometimes you can take all of your effort, throw it at a problem, and start to move the world. We have to fight, tooth and nail, one prejudice at a time.

Even if, in two weeks time, my potion works, it wont change the fact that werewolves are treated as less than human. I'm not even entirely sure that Remus will truly have a normal life, he'll always have been a werewolf, I can't take that away. I can't make the entire world see a human where they demand to see an animal.

I can get an O' on every NEWT I take, but that still wont convince some, that wont change the fact that muggleborns advance less quickly in careers, that they are payed less, that there are no scholarships for muggleborn wizards. That's why I'm writing you, sir, as you very well know. Two young witches, muggleborns, became completely unable to go to Hogwarts without financial assistance, forced to rely on a faceless stranger for books and clothes, because of prejudice.

I have to prove to the world that muggleborns are just as good as purebloods, anytime, anywhere.

Dear Sir Comma Enter

February

Monday, Februrary 2

Draco and Ginny have got to be the most revoltingly cute couple I have ever laid eyes on. Unfortunately, with Valentine's day just around the corner, it throws my own situation into sharp contrast. I'm not one to sit around and bemoan my lack of date to the Valentine's Ball, but it is rather irksome, I'll probably end up going with Harry, just so he has a chance to feel gallant.

I've managed to find someone who might just be perfect for Ron, her name is Vicky Frobisher, she's a year behind me, and Ginny says that she thinks Ron's pretty damn cute. Mission partially accomplished. I will have to spend the next week or so dropping hints. Of course, with Ron, dropping hints means being quite specific. I might just have to smack him over the head and leave him in a corner with her, that might work.

Tuesday, February 3

Do you think Professor Snape would be terribly angry if I brewed some sort of mild lust potion? Ron is an absolute dolt, he insists on yammering to me about Quidditch when Vicky's sitting, not two couches over, hanging on his every word. I had to resort to dragging her over and then leaving, last I heard from Harry they were still talking Quidditch almost three hours later, but no sign of him trying anything. How obvious does a girl have to be anyway?

I have enlisted Ginny's help for hooking up Vicky and Ron, she's working with Vicky, maybe Ginny can convince her to just ask Ron out to the dance. It would save us all the trouble of Ron actually having to pick up on the fact that some girl liked him.

I have decided to take the week off from studying. Now don't fret, I'm mostly working on my Voldemort book' instead of essays. I'm caught up for several weeks so I wont fall behind at all, I just need to decompress a little bit.

Thursday, February 5

Ha! Success! That was far more complicated than brewing Polyjuice Potion. Ron's taking Vicky to the Quidditch match this weekend, it's as good as a date, all we have to do is get him to take her to Hogsmeade. Maybe Harry and I could fake dating for a week to get him pissed off so he has nothing to do except take her to Hogsmeade.

That's a terrible idea.

Just might be necessary, but only as a backup plan.

Saturday, February 7

I can honestly say that was the first time I've had a lot of fun at a Quidditch match. Lucius came to watch his Draco play, and invited Ginny and I to join him up in the staff box. It started out mildly intimidating, mostly due to the fact that I ended up sitting next to Professor Snape. It didn't help that I'm not exactly fond of heights either. I think eventually what won me over was the fact that Professor Snape was actually dressed up in large quantities of green and silver instead of his usual black.

Ginny was wearing Draco's scarf and I had charmed mine to Slytherin colors, I figured they could use the boost considering their team was still not at 100%. The game was Slytherin vs. Hufflepuff, and it was a damn close match. Professor Snape and I actually chatted', it was a pretty strange experience all things considered. Lucius spent most of his time, before and after the match, engaged in conversation with Professor Tonks and Ginny, so Professor Snape was somewhat left out of the loop.

We talked about the potions, waiting for the full moon in his labs. We talked about my career goals for after Hogwarts. We even spent a few words on the now infamous Weasley-Malfoy pairing which seems to have the entire school in an up-roar, it will probably be even worse tomorrow. Ginny, a Gryffindor Chaser, shouting herself hoarse cheering for Slytherin's Seeker, that was a sight to see. I'll admit I cheered when Draco caught the snitch.

After the game was finished, I got so caught up in discussing an Ars Alchemica article with Professor Snape that I hardly even notice Draco, Ginny, and Lucius wander off for a celebratory drink.

Fun game, great conversation, and a slightly less terrifying Potions Master, it's going to be an interesting week.

Tuesday, Februrary 10

The full moon is tonight, full report tomorrow. No time for anything, Remus is arriving in just a few minutes, and Professor Snape is going to be angry if I'm late. Am I terribly strange for hoping my hair looks nice? Is it even worse that I'm not sure which one I'm hoping notices? Think lucky thoughts for my potion, sir.

Wednesday, February 11

I don't think I slept a wink all last night, and Professor Snape saw to it that I got excused from classes for the day. Somehow I think even my slightly snarky Potions Master recognizes that today is a day for massive quantities of butterbeer. I spent all night talking with Remus, and he spent the whole night staring up at the full moon, waiting for it to bring out his darkness. I think he eventually got sick of me asking how do you feel now?', and now?', but he was just too polite to say it. Probably also a little in awe.

Professor Snape and I spent the first several hours trying every known test for latent lycanthropy, eventually culminating in Remus cutting his own hand open with a silver knife. In retrospect, that was pretty gross. After a heated debate, and large quantities of blood samples for testing, Professor Snape eventually consenting to telling Remus out of the cage we had set up for him, and walked around the grounds some. I suppose being Head Girl has a few advantages, I get to wander around the grounds past curfew with an ex-werewolf.

After we got out of the classroom, Remus insisted on going to see the headmaster, which I was whole-heartedly in favor of. I admit, part of me wanted to brag a little. I think that was the first time I have ever actually seen Dumbledore cry.

So, for several hours, I wandered around outside, under a full moon, with Remus and just talked. I tried to explain how I'd created the potion, but Remus freely admitted to only being an average student in Potions and didn't have any idea what I was talking about. That was actually pretty disappointing. We talked about what he would do now, and what I would do now.

I reminded him that he still had to come back for the next few moons so that I could check on him, and that he had to watch out for recurring symptoms, but for the most part, we couldn't help but be excited. We sat up by the lake and watched the moon set, he wrapped an arm around me and just sat like that for a while. It was very comfortable.

We walked down to the dungeon to grab his things in the morning and I walked him out to the gates. He hugged me, looked me in the eye, touched my cheek, and whispered a thank you. He apparated before I could respond. My stomach was doing this fluttery thing that I can't say was either unpleasant or pleasant, just entirely unfamiliar. I'd say he wasn't being very brave, running away from me like that, but I can't exactly say that I was brave either.

I almost ran back to the dungeon, running over all of my notes, all of my samples, everything. Professor Snape came in while I was in the middle of running over everything. He said he had already checked everything over several times, and that it was highly unlikely that a mistake had been made, and that barring something entirely unforeseen and unforeseeable, I had succeeded. That's when he said it:

Most impressive, and congratulations, Hermione.' And he smiled.

I could barely mumble a thank you before I left. As I slowly climbed the stairs from the dungeon, the butterflies had returned in full force, and I practically ran back to my room and buried my head in my pillow. Life should not be this complicated.

Thursday, February 12

Ignorance is bliss, I never thought I would say something like that. I've been working nonstop on class, schoolwork, and my Potions NEWT. The sooner I finish it, the sooner I will be able to ... I'll be honest I just don't want to think about what is going on in my head right now, at least once I'm finished with all my school work I can reasonably throw myself into more writing.

Ron and Vicky are dating. At least that's a weight off my mind. Harry's taking me to the Valentine's Ball, at least I don't have to worry about romance there. Note to self, make sure Harry knows this is a friend thing, now.

Saturday, February 14

Today was good, probably one of my better Valentine's Days in several years. Harry and I went to Hogsmeade together and- after realizing that hanging with Ginny, Draco, Ron, and Vicky involved watching them snog- ran off to the book store for a while, we also went to Honeyduke's. We just sort of wandered around for a while before getting back to the castle to get ready for the ball.

I decided to wear this really gorgeous emerald green dress, Ginny helped me do up my hair, it had all this silvery, pearly, sparkle to it. When Ginny and I came downstairs, Draco said that I looked like I should be on the arm of a Slytherin, not Potter, oops. I don't think I did that on purpose. Well I know I didn't do it on purpose, maybe I did it subconsciously.

I danced quite a bit with Harry, also Neville. Draco and I started off the Ball, being Head Boy and Girl, but he ran off to dance with Ginny right afterwards. I was quite surprised to see Lucius wandering around at the Ball, although I suppose as a school governor that's his prerogative. Is he here to see someone?

Late in the evening, I wandered outside to get some air. I ran into Professor Snape, he was deducting points from snogging couples. I decided to join him on his tirade against romanticism, hoping it would help make some of my awkward feelings evaporate. It didn't exactly backfire, but we did end up talking about my paper, and he ended up smiling again. I think that's the strangest part about the whole thing, seeing him smile. Maybe it's just because Voldemort is gone and he gets to move on with his life, maybe it's finally snapped and has gone a little crazy. He still hasn't smiled in class, only to me, I don't know whether to be disturbed or feel delighted.

Remus set me a large quantity of chocolate, which I had already started to enjoy when I got back after the dance. He also sent me a silver heart pendent, I cried when I realized that it was silver, I can't believe that he has a chance at normalcy, because of me. I also received another gift, a witch's ball, anonymously. Perhaps I have another admirer? Ars Alchemica and a real witch's ball, both wrapped in the same black paper. It's a real witch's ball, not one of those muggle knockoffs, it actually protects against some harmful spells, and it's absolutely gorgeous, colors floating all over the surface.

Sorry, sir, it seems that you aren't the only anonymous person in my life anymore.

Tuesday, February 17

I think it is truly a testament to exactly how much I'm avoiding thinking. I've all but finished my NEWT paper for Potions. I'll turn it in to Professor Snape tomorrow. I've gone around asking all my professors for assignments for the next few weeks. I've started writing even more furiously on my book. I've sorted my job offers almost daily.

This would be so much easier if I just had a nice simple crush on a boy my age. What on earth is it with me and crushes on my professors?

Wednesday, February 18

It was hang out with my little sister day' today. Cassandra has managed to organize some sort of art exhibition for next month. I think that's really wonderful, but I can't help but wonder what artists do when they leave school in the wizard world.

When I brought that up, she got slightly huffy and informed me that she positively loved Charms and Potions, so she was not entirely neglecting her career. A second year Gryffindor likes Professor Snape's class? I think he must be losing just a little bit of his bite.

I helped Cassandra study a little, but mostly we just sat around while I wrote and she read. It was nice to be able to sit back and relax. Cassandra could tell that something is wrong, and asked what was bothering me, but the whole situation was just to embarrassing to talk to my twelve year old sister about. Crushes on professors, and I can't talk to Ron and Harry, the last time they knew I had a crush on a professor they teased me terribly.

Friday, February 20

Professor Snape handed me back my NEWT essay, he has a few suggestions and I will be able to finish up all of my papers two months early. That will leave me time to help everyone else and free myself up for more Head Girl activities later in the year.

It would also be nice to finish up a first draft of my book before exams. Cassandra has officially declared me insane, I would be vaguely insulted if I had not already decided that I was insane months ago.

If I mange to earn an E' on all of my NEWTs I will have broken a rather long standing record. Probably has something to do with the fact that there are not enough class times in the week to take 11 NEWTs, and most students are happy with 5 NEWTs. My ability to nail 11 probably has a lot to do with me finishing 6 essays over the summer.

Saturday, February 21

Ron got asked to join the Chudley Cannons next year! He asked me and Harry what we thought, and we told him to go for it. He'll have a contract in a few weeks, and it makes him the first seventh year Gryffindor with a job.

I charmed up the common room to be Cannon's colors (ugly, but it made Ron happy). We partied pretty late, and Vicky asked me to transfigure her some Cannon's robes. Maybe she's a keeper. Actually, Ron's a Keeper. Eww, bad joke.

Tuesday, February 24

What exactly is causing this? Professor Snape has withheld all semblance of approval for my academics since the first day of my first year at Hogwarts. Sometimes he would insult me for being a know-it-all, or one third of the Dream Team. He once even made fun of my teeth in front of the entire Gryffindor-Slytherin Potions class. How can a few months of civility erase that? Logically, it can't, but emotionally I find myself ready to forgive.

Perhaps I have a romanticized view of him. A daring spy who risked his life to bring the Order information on the movements of Voldemort and Death Eaters. A man who, in the first war, abandoned Voldemort, at the height of his power, because of conscience.

I've forgiven Lucius. Of course, I don't have a crush on Lucius Malfoy, maybe that makes this entire ordeal slightly less painful. The last thing I need is to be lusting after two ex-Death Eaters.

Friday, February 27

This morning Ron got some awful news. His brother Bill was attacked in Diagon Alley yesterday evening. He's in St. Mungo's now, thankfully he wasn't killed. It doesn't seem to have been a mugging, nothing was taken. He was hit with the same curse that killed Arthur Weasley. I suspect foul play, left over Death Eaters have finally come out to try to take down Harry.

Dear Sir Comma Enter

March

Sunday, March 1

Ron, Harry, and I went to St. Mungo's today to see Bill. He looks really terrible and we're still not sure if he is even going to survive or not. He didn't even get a chance to see who attacked him, so we have no idea where to even start. Right now, Ron is acting like this is just some freak accident, and I don't know if he's just in denial about it being Death Eaters, or I have an overactive imagination for thinking that it wouldn't be anything except Death Eaters. Harry seemed very concerned, but it's hard to tell if that has to do with the fact that he is generally overprotective now, or that he can feel that it's Death Eaters.

Mrs. Weasley took a day off from work in order to stay with Bill all day. I think she's just terrified that she might lose a son the way she lost her husband. I certainly can't blame her. It seems that I can hardly remember what it's like to lose someone close any more. I remember when mom and dad died, I was only numb and terrified.

Our parents wanted to make sure that Cassandra and I would be taken care of if they died, they never wanted us to be forced to rely on strangers. But, only a few weeks later our uncle (Cassie and my new guardian) disappeared, along with every dime of money our parents had left for us, and was later found dead. Dumbledore felt, and I agreed, that this was probably the work of Death Eaters, making sure that I would be forced out into the muggle world and open to attack.

How you even knew that I was open to such danger is beyond me, it's not like it was published in the Daily Prophet that I would have to leave. I suppose Dumbledore could have mentioned it to you in passing, it was a heated discussion among the Order members as well. I suppose it might have also been common knowledge among Death Eaters.

Almost all of the students have gotten back to normal', which seems somewhat strange for me. I suppose for many of them this was just some great adventure that had very little to do with them. Many families were entirely untouched by loss, the brunt of the losses were born by Aurors and Order Members, as well as Death Eaters. Maybe I'm just a little angry that so many students come around worried about exams when the world is so changed. Maybe that's just the way it ends up, some people are changed irreparably by war, and everyone else just sits back and is glad that they weren't the ones to do the fighting.

Monday, March 2

Quidditch this weekend, and Cassandra's art exhibition next weekend. If you have the time, and you think I might not be able to recognize you, you should show up for the show. Cassandra hasn't said anything, but you have sort of replaced my parents as someone she wants to impress, so it would be really treat if you could make it. You're her patron of her arts, just as you are a patron of my academics.

I haven't been able to concentrate on my school work as much. Harry is on a crusade to figure out who hurt Bill. Harry, Ron, and I have searched his memory a dozen times, but clues allude us as of yet. I still think it was Death Eaters, but I don't say so to Ron. He's lost his father, last thing he needs is fear losing a brother.

Thursday, March 5

Sometimes it irritates me how little trust the headmaster puts in me and Ron even after Voldemort was defeated. He sat back, and fatalistically waited for Harry and Voldemort to meet and for one to destroy the other. Far be it for me to say I defeated Voldemort, because I didn't. However, without me, Harry would have had to stand in front of Voldemort with a fast wand and a charming smile.

And so, to hear news third hand, from Harry, from Dumbledore, from wherever he got really irks me some days. That was a bit of a rant.

Rumor has it that Death Eaters are moving again. I hope I can talk to Lucius about it at the Quidditch match. Maybe I could talk to Professor Snape again.

Happy Birthday mum, I miss you.

Saturday, March 7

Hufflepuff stomped Ravenclaw, it was a total upset. It was crowded up in the box, Ginny, Draco, and I packed in sitting with Lucius, Professor Snape, and Tonks.

Apparently someone approached Lucius about returning to the Death Eaters. That man is in Azkaban now, I imagine a large number of people are mad at Lucius about that.

I talked to Professor Snape about it quite a bit as well. No one approached him, which makes sense. Lucius had the good sense to act interested, so we know that some Death Eaters are trying to set up a new Dark Lord. They've given up on Voldemort, but not on wizard eugenics. Idiots.

I'm not sure what the point of attacking Bill was though, terror?

Monday, March 9

I finished a painting for the show this weekend. It's horrible, but it's mine. If you see it, I'm sure you'll agree, I make a much better academic than an artist.

Professor Snape has declared my NEWT paper done, but we both want to wait for the next full moon to feel more confident about the results. I fell that the only way that I could be mistaken is if I overlooked something crucial about the disease. There has been a great deal of research in the past that has gone into lycanthropy, so I feel that my results are good.

Professor Snape said it was O' work, and that publishing my results was a must. When I said I would not settle for anything less than Ars Alchemica, he gave me this sweet little smile. I have to admit, I grinned back like a huge idiot, I have to admit, he is really cute when he smiles.

Wednesday, March 11

Today in Defense Against the Dark Arts with Slytherin Professor Tonks wasn't paying much attention. It's sometimes strange to feel like Professors have these lives students know nothing about, and some days it affects them to the point of distraction.

I asked her about it after class, she said she was just thinking about the art exhibition this weekend, and our class made her think about it. I'm not that excited about the show.

Thursday, March 12

Minerva cornered me after class today to discuss my plans for the future. Of course I felt bad about not having anything sorted out yet, I have plenty of offers, but nothing decided. It sounds like there might even be a job here for me if I want it. That would be pretty neat, but a huge part of me feels that a teacher must experience life before acting as though they could possibly teach new student to be ready to face the world.

Ministry jobs, research jobs, maybe teaching, how's a girl supposed to decide? All I know is I'll definitely not going to be an artist of any sort. Probably not anything that has to do with magical creatures either. I might know it all, but I have no knack for it.

Saturday, March 14

The art show was today. I have no clue as to whether you were there or not, but I have a suspicion that you were. All of Cassandra's work went over ridiculously well. Some people at the show even commissioned paintings or put in offers on some of the pieces she had on display.

Lucius really loved one of the sculptures, and it sounds like Cassandra is going to sell it to him. He also said something that made me believe that you might be him. He asked me if I had done any work here, and I pointed him to my painting. He dead-panned you make a much better academic than an artist, Hermione' and then gave me one of those Lucius Malfoy smiles.

Of course the sentiment that I'm smart, but not a good artist is hardly news worthy. I'm also pretty sure he wouldn't have organized paying for my school right after my fifth year, because I had just landed him in Azkaban. Or maybe he already had leanings towards the resistance then, who knows. He does show up at school evens slightly more often than is necessary, and has taken an interest in mine and Cassie's careers.

Of course I could be all wrong, you'll tell me some day, wont you?

Monday, March 16

There have been too many rumors floating around. There's been some soft mumbling about Mudblood management in some less publicized areas. I'm quite surprised by some of the rhetoric coming out of these circles. The party line now involves the idea that the wizarding culture is under attack by muggle ideas.

The isolationist concept was probably a good and sound concept many years ago. Muggle-born wizards had to live in both worlds in a time when suspicions of witchcraft might have led to being burned to drowned or worse. I actually wrote about the phenomenon of muggle-born student burnings for a History of Magic essay. And so, isolationism helped keep both worlds safe for a time, but there comes a time when a world must evolve or die. I suppose feeling that way is terrifying and reactionary ideals are only too understandable.

Full moon tomorrow, I'll be seeing Remus. Loads more tests to do.

Wednesday, March 18

Fantastic results from yesterday. Short of sending Remus off with a warning to keep an eye out for recurring symptoms, I'd say we're done. I'll be sending my NEWT paper in a few weeks and after that Professor Snape says we can start working with St. Mungo's to administer the cure.

We probably wont be able to get anything started until after I graduate, which is frustrating. But that will mean more time with Severus. I really should stop calling him Severus if only in my head. The whole research project just complicates my feelings on the matter.

Remus and I had a great chat last night, his presence is very comforting. It is also confusing. I'm glad he seems so content to let me Ôcome to him' on this issue, I don't know what I would say if he tried to press the matter.

I like them both really. I am pretty sure Remus likes me. I don't know anything about Severus' feelings for me. The worst part is that you are the only person who I have told about all of this, sir. Who else can I talk to about it?

Thursday, March 19

Bill's out of the hospital today, he's now under protection of some other Order members and probably feels a little like he's being baby-sat. I feel bad for him, I readily know how that feels. Thankfully, Bill's just a little curse resistant from all that time in Egypt.

Now that Bill is alright, Ron seems to have started paying attention to Vicky again, which is good. I hope she's understanding of the whole family-crisis situation.

Sunday, March 22

Easter Holidays will be starting up soon, and NEWTs due right after. I'm going to have to figure out how to avoid the common room and the library for break so I can do my own studying.

I know that sort of behavior is not very Gryffindor but there is really only so much help I feel prepared to give to slacking year-mates. I suppose I'll justify it because of my Head Girl duties are stacking up and that I'm always available at my office hours for Head Girl. I'm turning into a bit of a Slytherin in my old age. I'll have to tell Draco.

Monday, March 23

No matter which way I think to write it, it still sounds strange. ÔProfessor Snape did me a huge favor today'. He asked me if I wanted to assist him in some potions research.

At first, I was going to turn him down, the last thing I need is to work so closely with a Professor who I can't figure out my feelings for. But then he mentioned his classroom would be open for me to study in if I wanted. Honestly, how could I say no?

You have to know I'll still help Harry, Ron, and Neville though. But not too much, they do have their own ideas to work on. I actually didn't even ask Professor Snape much about his research, although it seems to revolve around more focused healing potions. It's really amazing how wizard medicine is so adept at healing some complaints but not others. Neurological complaints are particularly difficult to address. I know Neville made only a small amount of progress in the area of neurological stimulation and I think we'll be trying to build on those ideas. Professor Snape has some connections with St. Mungo's that make his work easier than Neville's.

Wednesday, March 25

Today after class, I asked Tonks if she would look over my essays on Unforgivables and mark them. Unfortunately she's going on a vacation and won't be able to look at them. When I asked her where she was going she was evasive and a little embarrassed about the whole thing. I wonder if she's got herself a boyfriend?

Saturday, March 28

Two weeks of no class and loads of work were kicked off with a great game of Quidditch, Slytherin vs. Ravenclaw. Ginny passed up Lucius' offer at a seat in the box and we sat with the Gryffindors in our Slytherin green and silver.

I'm really impressed with the way the Gryffindors are handling Ginny and Draco's relationship. I had expected them to react unfavorably. There was quite a bit of backlash when Draco was appointed Head Boy. I can't say I would have been very happy about the appointment if I had not known about him turning against Voldemort.

But Draco is a person, and maybe by some definitions a war hero. I heard the Wizengamot still hasn't decided if the Malfoys are going to receive recognition for their part in the final battle. I think they certainly deserve order of Merlins for their contributions to the fight. They risked more than many.

Slytherin managed to pull off a pretty average victory today, but it was still worth celebrating. Slytherin's team has finally pulled itself back together into a great flying team. The guys, Ginny, Vicky, Draco, and I went off to the Leaky Cauldron to celebrate the return of the Slytherin Quidditch team. The only problem is now Gryffindor and Slytherin will have the last Quidditch match of the season against each other.

April

Wednesday, April 1

Easter Hols are going well, I've been working with Professor Snape almost daily. Harry and Ron have been wrestling with their NEWT papers. I think I have read several dozen papers over the last half week. I'll certainly end up reading even more, though.

I actually really like reading their essays and marking them up. I should probably make sure they never know how much I enjoy that or they'll never let me out of it again. I suppose I would enjoy the grading part of teaching. Staying on top of research would also be a really great part of being in education.

With NEWT papers nearing completion it is starting to really hit me that I will be graduating soon. I decided to look over most of my job offers and send off questions to some of the more interesting prospects.

Thursday, April 2

Working with Professor Snape has truly been an experience. It's really exciting to have the feeling that I might actually be considered a colleague instead of a student. Sometimes we sit around over tea discussing possible points of attack on the problem.

I'm considered the expert when it comes to muggle scientific approaches. Well, Professor Snape hasn't specifically said so, but I suppose that would be hoping too much. It would be nice to know he genuinely respects me as an academic.

Sunday, April 5

Ron has again decided that I've been spending too much time with Snape. I really don't know why he feels the need to criticize the way I spend my time. He said some unflattering things about my ability to attract men while I'm buried in research. Harry told him to buzz off, thank goodness for that. I really didn't feel like getting into an argument over my romantic prospects with the two of them.

I don't think Harry likes Snape any more than Ron does, but at least he respects my right to enjoy someone's company.

It's interesting. I wonder when exactly I started to enjoy Snape's company. When did sitting in his office, drinking tea and discussing Ars Alchemica become one of my favorite parts of school.

Tuesday, April 7

Draco brought to my attention earlier today that several kids in Slytherin, and probably other houses, are passing around anti-muggle literature still. It is much more covert than it used to be, but it is safe to say that defeating Voldemort did not put an end to hatred and mistrust.

I really wish there was an answer to all of this. Somehow I feel like the only answer is to go and knock sense into everyone who thinks muggles pollute wizarding genes and culture. Of course, that's no solution at all. I hope someday the practical needs of the wizarding population will overrule the backward thinking.

Why do I feel like the wizard world should be any better than the muggle one when it comes to tolerance? Muggles still have enormous problems with being integrated. Am I out of touch to feel that wizards should be able to put aside differences more readily?

Wednesday, April 8

I took a break from work today because Ôthe guys' wanted to play Quidditch, and they decided I needed to get outside. I have to say I agree, it was beautiful out today. I ended up reading most of the time while Harry, Ron, Vicky, Draco, and Ginny played a pick-up game of Quidditch.

Slytherin vs. Gryffindor is the only Quidditch match left in the year. Slytherin is the underdog for the match, but still could win the cup with some excellent play. I'm really glad that despite that they can still enjoy some no stress Quidditch.

Just by reading what I wrote yesterday I can tell I needed some time off. Holidays were meant for relaxation, I can afford a day off.

Wednesday, April 9

Back to work today, most of the people whose academic careers I feel personally responsible for are done with their papers. I'm glad that the summer term is dedicated to review. Although, I suppose it's a little shocking to consider that I've finished learning new things in class.

It just sort of snuck up on me today. No more papers to mark up, no more new chapters of books to read, no more original lectures. Were you an academic overachiever, sir? Did it suddenly sneak up on you that school was over and you had to Ômake something' of yourself? What did you choose? Academics? Ministry Employee?

I feel slightly burdened by your assistance many times. I will have to make a life for myself that makes you paying for it worthwhile.

Saturday, April 11

Full moon tonight. Remus is not coming over though. I miss seeing him, but there are really no tests that need to be run. He sent me a note that he was staying in tonight, just as a precaution, but I'm sure he'll be fine.

Easter is tomorrow. I've been in the wizarding world for almost seven years, but I still don't understand why we get break for a holiday that no wizards celebrate. Certainly rebirth holidays have always been popular around this time of year, but I've never been able to discover what wizard holiday was associated with this break.

Sunday, April 12

Thank you for the book, I had no idea Astarte was a witch and that the wizard Easter is her holiday. Why isn't there a holiday for Merlin? Of course, with a Know-it-All an answer only leads to more questions.

Remus sent me a chocolate Easter Bunny. That has to be the best part of Easter, the chocolate. I remember that, and Halloween, were the only days we were allowed candy at home. For mom and dad, being dentist made them obsessed over teeth rotting candy. I sent Cassie a bunch of Chocolate Frogs so she could have her ÔEaster chocolate fix'.

Remus also sent me some really nice muggle ball-point pens. I had mentioned that I was almost out of ink in many of my pens, he's really thoughtful sometimes. Ron doesn't understand why ball-point pens are so cool, I think wizards are really missing out by sticking with quills.

My Ôsecret admirer' sent a book of pressed flowers and observations about their alchemic properties. It's gorgeous, and I have to admire the academic and romantic nature of it. It's quite a thrill to have so much attention. I did get a hint today, green and silver ribbon on the gift. My admirer is a Slytherin, is it too much to hope it's from Severus?

Talk about your wishful thinking. We had been discussing healing flowers a few days ago, but I'm probably just rationalizing my hopes. What do you think, sir? Any idea who the other mysterious person in my life is?

Monday, April 13

Thank you for the belated Easter candy. You really didn't have to. I suppose you must have felt a little obligated, but I assure you that was not necessary. You really do spoil us sometimes, you know.

Cassandra has been working on her painting quite a lot lately. I don't know if you'd appreciate the hint, but I really think she would love to do something artistic over the summer. I hope to be able to afford to take care of Cassie's education expenses after I graduate, it seems like too much to ask of you to fund her education for all seven years.

I have this feeling that you funded Cassie's education because you actually wanted to fund mine. I suppose that's because I had already had an academic career and Cassie was an unknown quantity.

Wednesday, April 15

I will be working on Muggle Studies mostly for the next few weeks. I have to review several years of school work that I was not in class for. Right now, I find myself wondering what I was thinking when I decided to take the Muggle Studies NEWT. Of course, I know exactly what I was thinking. I was thinking that I'm a muggle and so the least I can do is get a certification that I know a great deal about muggles.

I suppose a huge part of me cannot accept not getting a NEWT in every possible subject, with the exception of Divination. I suppose I will never regret not taking Divination, but I would always regret it if I was considered Ôless than qualified' because I decided to pass on taking an exam.

Maybe I'm just a tad obsessed with acquiring qualifications.

Saturday, April 18

I went to help Professor Snape with his research today, he seemed pretty irritated. He made a comment about Ôuseless spies' and I suppose he's feeling a little useless now that he can't spy any more. The big problem with the war ending is that all of the people who were helping us behind the lines are now exposed as Ôgood'.

Lucius Malfoy has not been helpful in the same way he was before the war, which I know occasionally frustrates him. I imagine Snape is feeling the same way.

I suppose that has to be one of the more frustrating issues that a spy has to run up against, the moment when they can't be a spy any more. From what little I have gathered from Dumbledore and Harry, spying had been Snape's life since the first battle. If I sit back and think about it, that's half of his life, dedicated to spying, and now it's ended. What do you do when you are forced to end something that was so much a part of your life?

I have very little to compare it to, I suppose leaving school has the same sort of problems associated with it. A huge part of my life is going to be ending and I will have to take up something else. I can no longer be only a student, I have to find a new identity. Hopefully it will be more substantial then a new haircut and a new wardrobe.

Sunday, April 19

And just to confuse me, Lucius randomly shows up at school today. When I asked him what had brought him to Hogwarts he actually did not have an answer and sort of stood there like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Something is going on with him, and I decided to ask Draco if he knew anything about it.

Draco hadn't noticed anything, and he hadn't known that he dad was coming to school today, so that's doubly suspicious as far as we're concerned. He had disappeared by dinner time though.

Tuesday, April 21

Professor Vector asked to talk to me after class today, and wanted to discuss my future. I suppose that's the hip thing to talk to me about lately. She said that she thought that my skills as an Arithmancer were beyond compare and that I would do wonderful whatever I did. It's actually almost tiring, no one wants to tell me what to do, or even voice a preference for a field for me.

Having so many interests academically really is a burden sometimes. There isn't a test I can take to tell me the answer to this question, is there? Most of the places I owled off to ask about what my job there would be like basically said they would let me pursue whatever projects I wanted. Everyone just wants to let me sit back and do whatever I want. I need just a touch of direction, a little direction would be perfect right now.

I actually ended up talking with Minerva later in the day about what it would be like to be a Professor here at Hogwarts. She said that it is really wonderful and that working (and if I wanted to living) in one of the most magical buildings in the world does have its advantages. Dynamic rooms and labs, it seems that in many ways all you have to do is ask the castle nicely if it would accommodate you. Is staying here cheating? Would living here be a crutch to keep me from having to move out into the real world?

Wednesday, April 22

I wish that Professor Tonks would have some more theoretical review for our Defense Against the Dark Arts NEWTs. I think here when it comes to crunch time, she's really showing that she's an Auror at heart. For an Auror, it is far more important to know how to block a curse then about the fundamental construction of curses in general. I would never want to criticize her teaching, and he did cover a great deal of theory during the year, but it is still important to review theory, not just practical elements.

Sometimes I really wish that Muggle Studies would also cover some of muggle history. I realize that muggle history in muggle schools is a whole class to itself and that Muggle Studies is not a history course, but history is really important when it comes to understanding why things are the way they are. I suppose I'm just a little frustrated by the fact that muggle history is only important when it directly affects the wizard world, as in World War II. A large part of the wizarding world has muggle roots, it's important that they remember them.

Friday, April 24

Ars Alchemica wants to publish my potions research! I am beyond excited. It was sort of pathetic but I stayed after class just so I could mention it to Professor Snape. He honestly congratulated me for my success. He told me that I would make a fantastic alchemist, and I almost sighed in frustration, but then he added that most alchemists have a single-minded pursuit of Potions and rarely has the opportunity to work in other fields.

Professor Snape said that if Potions was not my first and only choice of career I would probably have difficulty gaining academic credibility in the field. That was some of the most useful career advice I have gotten. I should see how that works in other fields. I don't think I'm prepared to only work on alchemy, it's lots of fun, but it's not the only thing I want to do with my life.

Getting a compliment from Professor Snape was a heck of a mixed blessing though, somehow, even though I've been wanting him to admit that I am a good alchemist and a good student, I hope he doesn't just see me as a girl and a student. I would like to be an equal, not just a student to him.

Sunday, April 26

I decided, from talking to Professor Snape that I should not go after one of the jobs that focuses on Potions. I talked to Professor Dodge about how much people who focus in Charms are allowed to work in other fields. Charms is apparently also rather insular, and so I think that I would probably not want to work in Charms either. Minerva said that Transfiguration specialists have a lot of opportunity to dabble in other fields, so that's a much more exciting option.

I have hardly been updating you on my Voldemort book, which is in desperate need of a title, because ÔVoldemort Book' is a pretty awful name. Progress is fantastic, while I was working with Professor Snape over break I was often scribbling down ideas for the book, and a first draft might actually be finished soon. Although it's exciting to feel like I'm getting toward the end of this, but the real work will begin once that draft is complete. I imagine it would be best if I could get the book out before next October.

Wednesday, April 29

We actually went over some more theoretical aspects of spells today in Defense Against the Dark Arts. I know it's still all review, but I feel much more confident going over it all. Only one more month until NEWTs. I'm very nervous. Of course, Harry and Ron thing I'm being very silly. They're probably right, and a lot of my NEWTs work is already done since the papers are finished. I'm sure it will be fine.

Friday, May 1

Potions class for the new month. It's been a lot of note taking recently. That's to be expected since we're in the middle of crunch review time. No final exams for seventh years and fifth years because of the external evaluations, but there is still a huge amount of pressure.

Neville and I were talking about how he would really like to be a Healer at St. Mungo's but that means he'll have to really ace his 5 NEWTs. He should probably also get a few references from teachers. I feel sort of guilty because I have all sorts of job offers, most of which I don't want, and he only wants one job and there is still a lot of work for him.

Neville's only in five classes and so I suppose he has a great chance to get to know the teachers more. That's one thing I really feel I missed out on taking so many classes. Students who only take 5 or so classes get a great chance to develop a close working relationship with a few teachers. I've become friends with Minerva. I do a lot of work with Professor Snape. Professor Vector and I occasionally have an out of class discussion, but for the most part I only have a typical student/teacher relationship with most of the professors.

Saturday, May 2

Last Quidditch game of the season today. When the game started today Slytherin needed to pull off a 250 point victory to win the cup. I sat up in the staff box with Lucius and Professor Snape, but we didn't talk much. The match was really close. Malfoy caught the snitch and Slytherin won the match, but it wasn't enough to win the cup overall.

Lucius took the whole Slytherin and Gryffindor teams, along with Vicky and I, down to the Three Broomsticks for celebratory butterbeer. Professor Snape and Professor Tonks came down as well at Lucius' invitation. Professor Snape had a fire whiskey and we chatted about the match. I also mentioned I was leaning towards taking over Professor Vector's position of Arithmancy Professor.

A half hour or so into the party Tonks came over to where Snape and I were sitting. Apparently she and Lucius have been seeing each other for several months. Well, the news is out, who knows what sort of backlash will be involved. Lucius Malfoy and a half blood wizard. The scandal.

Tuesday, May 5

Classes will be over in only a few weeks, and I hardly feel ready. I feel ready for NEWTs that was probably never an issue. I suppose I have been ready for the NEWTs for a long time now. I study compulsively. I've known most of my NEWT level material for several years.

When you grow up as a muggle, after you go to school, take your A-levels, and then you can go to university. You get four more years to decide more about yourself and what you want to focus in. I suppose that's a pretty foreign concept for a wizard. Apprenticeships mean you already know what you want. I suppose when it comes down to it I'm really interested in is research and teaching.

Is that a noble enough professor for your humble student, sir? I worry that I'm not a good enough at teaching or that I have too much left to learn to be effective. I'm not really that insecure, sir. You just happen to be an the receiving end of all of those little insecurities that come to me. Harry and Ron have little patience for that sort of insecurity. How does it feel to read the thoughts of a seventeen year old girl?

I wonder what you must think of me sometimes. Do you know me in person too, or are your impressions based entirely on what I write. People certainly define themselves differently by writing then by actions. Have you built an image up of me? Would I live up to it if I met you?

I worry about that sometimes too. Do you ever regret helping Cassie and me?

Thursday, May 7

It's not every day that the Head Boy gets left beaten outside the Gryffindor common room beaten. On his face they wrote 'Blood Traitor'. Apparently someone felt that the sins of the father should be visited upon his son.

Dumbledore called a meeting. An investigation will be launched, but who knows if this is a feeling of a lone vigilante or something much deeper. I suppose I fear both possibilities. If it is a group, that means there are several people who still hold on to the believe that purity of blood is what truly matters. If it's a lone actor, it just proves that students are not as safe here as Dumbledore would like us to believe.

I suppose that's a lesson that everyone has to learn someday. Those people, the ones who take the place of parent or guardian can't protect you forever. It's true that Voldemort would never come to Hogwarts, but that doesn't mean that his poison was also kept away. Is the illusion of security, if only for a little while, better then the knowledge that nothing is secure?

I don't want those to be the only choices.

Saturday, May 9

Draco got out of the Hospital Wing today. I know Ginny was relived. I was as well. Madame Pomprey has him back to perfect health. At least the mark on his face is gone. I'm definitely glad that Draco is Head Boy and does not have to go to Slytherin at night.

Even as I write that I feel like a hypocrit. There is no proof that it was a Slytherin who did that to Draco, but nonetheless, my first thought is that it must be a Slytherin who did it. I suppose it could have been anyone. I'm just as guilty of prejudice as anyone. Slytherins are cunning and dedicated to their goals, not evil.

That's what needs to happen. An entire generation of witches and wizards who haven't been told that all dark wizards were in Slytherin and that all Slytherins are dark wizards. These sort of things are what float around in your humble student's mind sometimes. I've long since accepted that I don't belong in the muggle world any more. This is my world now. I want to make it the best world I can.

Tuesday, May 12

Arithmancy is really fantastic. Nothing in particular to spark that sort of revelation. My mind really love the logic of the whole process. It doesn't seem like wizards really bother with thinking about things logically.

My very first year at Hogwarts, the headmaster hid the Philosopher's Stone in our school. Most of the teachers designed obsticals to keep anyone from getting the stone. Harry, Ron and I broke through all of them together thinking we were going after Professor Snape to keep him from getting the stone. Of course, I can look back now and see exactly how foolish it is to assume just because someone is unpleasant doesn't mean they are evil. The last task was the hardest. It was a logic riddle with poisions and potions and a word puzzle to tell you which potion would let you pass.

As I continue to live in this world I realize how little attention is paid to logical reasoning. Maybe that's why there is so little focus on Arithmancy skills in school.

Thursday, May 14

I just heard the news this morning. Lucius and Remus were both taken captive late yesterday. Apparently Severus was the first to notice that Lucius was missing. Remus failed to report in last night too. They could have been too separate attacks or the same group. Once again I have to hear this new third hand through Harry. Dumbledore has mobilized the Order.

I probably shouldn't be sending the more confidential information your way so you'll have to deal with only hearing my emotional responses to this news. I'm terrified for both of them. We don't even know if there are more people who have been taken or if we have only heard of two so far.

With NEWTs less than 3 weeks away I'm worried about my scores. I also wonder how I ever got anything done these last 7 years. Basilisks, Death Eaters, Fascist Headmistresses, it's a wonder most of us made it through alive.

Friday, May 15

Draco is ignoring everyone, including Ginny. Do you want to hear about the problems of a sixteen year old girl? I didn't think so. The mood is tense. News of one of the more famous members of wizarding society being kidnapped has travled fast. I'm a little disappointed that no one seems to care about Remus having gone missing. Well, obviously the Order cares, but the rest of the world has hardly noticed.

I suppose to the rest of the world he is just a werewolf. He's not even really a werewolf any more, just some second rate war hero as far as everyone else is concerned. But he is my friend, maybe even something more than a friend when this is all over.

For Lucius my feelings aren't exactly as warm and fuzzy. But, I saved his life, I testified on his behalf, and I'll be damned if he is going to die after I went to all of this trouble to save him. Tonks tries to pretend it isn't worrying her, but she's a horrible liar.

Harry has taken Remus' disappearance personally. It's entirely understandable. After Sirius died, Remus took over as Harry's adult influence. I'm sure Harry will make some plan to go after Remus half cocked in a matter of days. Not exactly the best behavior for someone who wants to work for the Ministry, but he's Harry Potter the rules never seem to apply to him.

Sunday, May 17

I've organized several study groups to help out with exams for all of the students. I suppose I should be thrilled that I seem to remember almost every lesson from all of my classes. I think I'm just trying to avoid the problems with Remus and Lucius. I can't fix anything about it now. Really it should never even fall to Harry or Ron or I to 'save the world' but for some reason Harry always has to step up to the plate.

I know this isn't healthy for Harry. He feels that no one else could possibly solve a problem he tackles. If he doesn't solve it, not one else will either. And so he'll run off, believing that no one else's plans to rescue Remus could possibily work. Mark my words, sir.

Friday, May 22

We're recieving more information about Lucius' dissappearance from the Daily Prophet than from Dumbledore. Harry is beside himself about being cut out of the planning phases. Personally I think it was a good choice on Dumbledore's part. Although one might say he's protecting Harry far too late.

I've been trying to get Harry to study, but really it is a lost cause at this point. 'I keep losing everyone around me, Hermione, and you want me to fuss over NEWTs?'Draco has come out of his funk finally and is helping me with study groups. He's even giving Ginny some 'extra tutoring sessions'. Don't tell Ron, he may tolerate Draco, but you always want to have your little sister be innocent.

I've never asked if you have siblings, sir. I think something like that has a huge effect on how you grow up. I know it's the reason that Ron always wants to define himself, because of all his brothers and being the youngest boy. Family makes us who we are. Right?

Monday, May 25

A lot of the more sensational buzz about Lucius had died down and it seems the world is back to not caring. Draco actually resembles his old self recently (his more recent old self, not that git who I met on the train my first year) and that seems like progress. I know he's missing his dad. I hope Lucius and Remus are alright.

Never one to be impulsive I'm still thinking about the possibilty of being a Hogwarts teacher. I don't want to rush into my decision I don't want to have teaching be a horrible chore after a while. It needs to always be fresh and fun for me.

I think I'll talk with Professor Vector more later this week.

Tuesday, May 26

I know that I was reviewing for OWLs for many months before they actually happened, but as I recall we didn't do nearly as much review in class as we are doing now for NEWTs. I suppose I should be glad for that. I hear NEWTs are a dozen times harder. I think I'm working myself up to much.

I've got to relax. Tense Head Girls do no one any good at all!

Wednesday, May 27

Heath Bars, my favorite, you're the best, sir! Wait. I never told you those were my favorite. How did you know that? I doubt Cassie told you, that's not just the sort of thing you write down. Maybe you say it out loud from time to time but you don't tell your anonymous benefactor.

You're teasing me, I know it. You know all about me and I'm left with a million questions. I can only hope that means you'll actually put me out of my misery sometime soon and actually tell me who you are. Would you maybe promise me that?

Saturday, May 30

It's Cassandra's birthday today which of course you already know. I got her some more paints as she was running out quite quickly. I'm sure she's already expressed unexpressable amounts of admiration for you. Saint Croix Art Intstitue? All summer long? I have to admit I'd never heard of it. Don't die of shock, sir, I can't know everything!

Apparently it's the best. The best of the best. That was amazing of you, sir. It makes me feel a little better. I know I said a long time ago that I worried you did everything for Cassie because you already knew me, but I'm beginning to think you have a soft spot for Cassie that's all her own too.

Even though Remus and Lucius have been missing for weeks, I know something big is going to happen in the next week or two. Somehow, Harry always ends up risking his life around exam times. Obviously he's subconsiously trying to get out of exams. Sometimes they let you skip exams if you save the world. Only sometimes though.