Ron looked at Hermione uneasily. She glared at him.

"You got it in there, you get it out. And hurry!" She squirmed, feeling mighty uncomfortable. All sexy feelings, and thoughts of erotica had vanished.

"I didn't know it could bend like that," Ron whined, giving Hermione an accusing glare.

She lay on his bed in the seventh year student dormitory. She was naked and her wrists were handcuffed to the bedpost. Ron's erection had wilted and he knelt between Hermione's legs, staring at her crotch.

"We're not all perfect!" she snapped. "I thought you'd figured it out by now that I had a tilted vagina." Her voice rose. "Will you get that out of me? Now!"

It had all the promise of a fantastic evening. Alone in the dormitory. Harry and Seamus were off, doing something engrossing to give Ron and Hermione some time alone. Ron had procured a certain item from Bertie Bott's Adult Catalogue. It was long and large and vibrated. Hermione had brought her handcuffs.

Now the certain item was wedged firmly in Hermione and could not be shifted. Every time Ron tugged on it, Hermione squawked. There was nothing for it.

"You'll have to go to the Infirmary," Ron said.

"I can't. Remember when you smeared me in that Potion?"

Ron smirked. "Yes." It was meant to be fun, but all it ended up being was funny. It was meant to be a new sex game between them. But the Potion made Hermione very relaxed. Then very soft, and finally she dissolved into a purple blob.

"Purple slop!" Hermione yelled. "I had to be taken to the Infirmary in a jar, and Madam Pomfrey kept me there two weeks until I was back to normal. She's never let me forget it, either. She gave me a huge jar of strawberry jam for Christmas and suggested this might be more to my liking." She wriggled, then moaned. "Do something, Ron."

"I can't. It's stuck. Look, I'll just conjure a stretcher, and-"
"No stretchers."

"You don't really think you're going to walk down there, do you? You're mental."

Hermione sighed. If it had to be Madam Pomfrey, so be it. At least she only had one month more in Hogwarts before graduation. Then she'd never have to see the Medi-Witch again.

Ron spelled a stretcher, unsnapped the handcuffs and levitated Hermione. Every jolt to her body made her more uncomfortable. It was one thing to take this...thing inside when she was aroused, but quite another now she was stone, cold normal.

Ron dressed quickly and threw a blanket over Hermione. He didn't expect any thanks. It had been his idea to use the vibrator. He floated her through the back halls and corridors, and they didn't meet anyone. Whew!

The infirmary was darkened. A scrawny first year student lay in a coma, regrowing his head. All that could be seen above the tightly tucked blankets was an ugly knobbly growth that sported only a nose at this earlys stage. A large bottle of 'Noggin-Gro' lotion stood on the bedside table.

"Madam Pomfrey?" Ron called.

No answer.

"Is anyone here?"

Nothing.

"I need help!" Hermione shouted.

A dark figure emerged from a back room. Professor Snape folded his arms.

"What?"

Ron licked his lips. "Where's Madam Pomfrey?"

"At a conference in Berlin. The staff are taking turns filling in for her." Snape grimaced. "I've avoided this as long as I could." He put on an interested look that didn't sit well with his patently bored eyes. "What is the problem?"

"Get me out of here!" Hermione hissed at Ron. "Let's go see Macgonagall."

Snape caught the whisper. "Minerva is asleep. And I am on duty. Are you ill, Miss Granger? Mr Weasley?"

Ron couldn't answer, but merely pointed to Hermione. She tried to shrink back under the blanket, but the object currently inside her rendered her almost immobile.

Snape tried a smile. Not attractive at all. "Perhaps you could wait outside, Mr Weasley?"

"But-"

"This is the Infirmary, not the Quidditch pitch. No audiences."

"But-"

"Out, or she doesn't get treated."

Ron trudged out of the room, with Hermione thinking terrible curses at his retreating form. She didn't have long to think, because as soon as Ron turned the corner, Snape whipped the blanket from her body. He surveyed her nude form as she blushed from head to foot.

"Some sort of rash, Miss Granger? You seem to have gone red." He knew what she was doing, but enjoyed her discomfort at his gaze.

She gestured vaguely towards her hips. Snape looked closely, then slowly raised one eyebrow.

"I see. Bertie Bott's equipment, no doubt?" Snape glanced at her face long enough to see her nod. "Perhaps next time you will purchase from Elvira's Supply House. Not so prone to bending."

"It's me," Hermione confessed before she could signal her mouth to shut right up. "I bend strangely."

She thought she heard him mutter "As do we all", but couldn't be sure.

Snape became clinical as he examined her. "Strange contours or not, Miss Granger, I think it would simply be matter of triggering orgasm. The resulting fluid, and expansion and contraction should release the object." He could have been talking about the ingredients for a potion.

Hermione looked at the ceiling. "Ron tried, but-"

Snape shook his head. "Incapable, as he is in so many subjects. If you will permit me...?" He reached down a thin hand and gently rubbed her clitoris.

Hermione felt nothing. She wanted to get off the stretcher and run away, but circumstances forbade it. Her Potions teacher was touching her. This was beyond perverse, and..... he was doing a good job. Without wanting to, Hermione pressed herself into his fingers, only to wince and settle herself back on the stretcher. She simply couldn't move with that thing inside.

"Lie still," Snape said. "Stupid girl. You'll only hurt yourself if you thrash about."

He continued his ministrations, using his other hand to run over her breasts.

"Unless you don't like that," he said, pausing. "Some women don't. They like this." He grabbed a handful of her hair and pulled slightly.

"Either," Hermione panted. "Whatever."

The motion on her clitoris was relentless, and made more intense by her inability to move. She just had to lie there and take it. The vibrator was not so uncomfortable any more and Hermione found herself wishing Snape would chant the spell that would set it humming again. He did not do so, but lowered his face to hers.

"Do you like this?" he asked, and kissed her. "Or this?" His mouth journeyed to her breasts and fastened over one nipple. He sucked hard and the corresponding tingle in her crotch sent her over the edge. He continued to rub her, but straightened up, and as she pulsed, he withdrew the vibrator on each of her expansions, until she pushed the tip of it from her herself.

She gasped with relief, but felt strangely empty now. If nothing else, the vibrator had been very filling. Snape slid his hand from her, and merely stared. Hermione noticed his hand hovered over the fastening of his trousers. She crossed her legs.

"I couldn't," she said. "Not after-"
Snape shook his head. "Of course not." He dropped his hand, and his face held a tremor of disappointment and frustration.

Hermione sat up, a little sore, but otherwise fine. She hopped off the stretcher, which promptly flicked out of existence. She led Snape over to one of the Infirmary beds and made him sit on it. She fiddled with his trouser fastenings and revealed an erect, long penis that had a kink in the middle. It bent the same was her insides did. She suddenly wished she were not so tender.

Instead, she lay him back on the bed, and took him into her mouth crouched over his prone form like a cat supping at a bowl of milk.

"Hermione?" Ron called, and walked in. "I-er-argh!" He stopped still, rooted to the spot by the vision in front of him. Then he ran forward. "This is a fucking hospital!" he screamed. "Get off!"

"We couldn't fuck," Snape said, turning his cold gaze to Ron. "And if you'll leave, I'll be able to get off."

Ron moaned inarticulately and ran from the room. Hermione paused in her attentions. Snape sneered at her.

"I suppose you want to run after your little boyfriend," he said.

"Later," she replied, and resumed.

***** *****