Dear Sir Comma Enter, chapter 3:

November

Daddy Long Legs --

Can you please undo the curse that happens when Hermione doesn't write every day? She has enough problems now, she's unconscious in the hospital wing, now she has chills too, I hardly realized what was wrong with her, please please undo it.

--Cassandra Jade

Well, I missed my trip to the Ministry to register as an animagus. Of course, that's probably the least of my worries. I'm sorry my writing is so shaky, but I only just woke up today, and I figured it would be polite to actually write you and tell you what went on a week ago. Of course, anyone who has been following the Daily Prophet knows exactly what happened on Halloween. Voldemort is dead, really truly dead, Aurors burned his body, Ginny told me, she watched.

I suppose it's a little anti-climactic to hear about the final battle a week after the fact, but I can assure you that I was there.

Do you suppose that defeating Voldemort will get be an O' on my NEWTs? Well, that was my NEWT project for Charms, Defense Against the Dark Arts, and Arithmancy, it was a total secret, only those teachers, Headmaster Dumbledore and Harry knew about it.

It worked, it was sort of a love patronus, at least that's how I conceived of it, whenever Harry was able to triumph over Voldemort, Dumbledore always attributed it to Harry's ability to love. Harry's mother's love always seemed to protect him, but it was passive. A happy memory cannot keep a dementor from you, but it is what you need to create a patronus, Harry's protection could not, by itself, defeat Voldemort, but it had the power to create what could.

The incantation is expecto amor, it actually doesn't sound very pretty, it really just means send love forth from me'. It destroyed anyone who could not handle a feeling of love. At the end of the day, that was the easy part, with Voldemort destroyed, those who were left knew they needed to flee, no one would believe that had been tricked into service, they had to escape or die trying.

My animagus form is a panther, jet black. If I learned one thing from Sirius Black, it is that huge scary looking animals really throw people off guard. As soon as Voldemort was dead, I transformed. The ones who started to fight, I fell upon them, it was terrifying. I think that is a large part of the reason it took so long to recover, I am still shocked I have a killer curled up somewhere inside my soul. Witches and wizards learn from an early age to shake off the ill effects of magic, what they don't learn, is how to cast spells when their arm has been mauled, or they are bleeding out from the chest, they don't ever figure that it will be useful. So, I teared into them, took them down, and terrified myself in the process.

Classes are still off, there will be an award ceremony next weekend and there are no classes until then. It seems to be mostly a reward, but I also have to say that it will take at least a few weeks to replace the professors who were killed. Professor Flitwick, Hagrid, and Professor Sinestra, almost a quarter of Hogwarts teaching staff. I cried for hours when I heard about Hagrid. I cried for all of them really, but when so many people die, it's hard to remember them all, you concentrate on the ones you miss the most.

Madame Pomfrey says I can leave the hospital wing tomorrow, I'm greatly looking forward to it, death seems to linger here.

If you want to keep your identity secret, you will have to try harder, sir. After I woke up, I opened some of the gifts that had accumulated at my bedside while I was unconscious. I found your gift, a truly beautiful glass figurine, of a panther, it almost bit my finger. No one knew except those at the final battle, and only a few of those would know that the panther was me, and not some conjuration by another wizard. You have let me know that I know you, and now that I have nothing better to do, the mystery of who you are will be what my time goes towards.

Don't worry too much, I don't wish you any ill, really I just want to thank you. It makes it even more fun that it is a secret. I'm going to register as an animagus tomorrow, then you can be proud of me legally being an animagus.

All of the professors gave me gifts as well, it seems that propriety goes out the window when you and your friends defeat the dark wizard of your era. I suppose I was not too surprised by the fact that my teachers wanted to give me tokens, but what surprised me was that Professor Snape gave me a gift as well, a panther charm for my charm bracelet. That was not the only panther themed gift though, I received a collar, with a bell from Professor McGonagall, I think it's supposed to be a joke.

Dumbledore gave me a book, about the symbolism and spirituality of the panther, he also gave me a large quantity of sherbert lemons. In order to get rid of them in a timely fashion I keep having to offer them up to anyone who passes by. Sherbert lemon?'' seems to get quite a few snickers from the staff and Harry. I don't think it's funny at all.

I'm back in my Head Girl suite, with Harry, Ron, Neville, Ginny, and Cassie, now. The boys are trying to forget that their other two roommates are gone forever now. I never thought I'd be happy when Voldemort was defeated, I just never thought I'd be this sad.

Monday, November 10

I'm a registered animagus now. When I went to the Animagus Registry Department, I had to transform and then describe any defining features of my animal. I realized I have a small white patches where I wear your charm bracelet, only some of the charms seem to be there, but it's really fascinating, I also have a squiggly white patch on my chest as well. I joked to Professor McGonagall that it probably was a bookworm.

I had lunch with Professor McGonagall at this really nice restaurant in Diagon Alley, it was a little strange. She invited me to call her Minerva in private, that caught me a little off guard. I suppose I truly get to start thinking of my teachers as people. It's a dawn of a new era for Hermione Granger.

I can see thestrals. We took a carriage out to Hogsmeade when we went out, and I could see them, they are beautiful, and hideous. I wish I did not have to live in a time when people who barely considered themselves adults could see thestrals because that was the way the world was. I patted one of the nose, and then I cried, I cried all the way out to Hogsmeade. I think Professor McGonagall, I mean Minerva, had us walk back because she did not want me to have to think about it all a second time.

I guess you're not used to so many detailed journal entries from me in a row, I think I'm trying to make up for my week off. You know you gave me a hint then, sir. I had chills on the second, a clear sign that I had not written in the diary the day before. Cassie wrote to you in my diary, but they symptoms did not ease up, they got worse the next day. They suddenly stopped on the fourth, even though I did not write again until the eight.

That means you were out of commission too, if you didn't know I was sick, it makes sense that you would not lift the charm on the first day, but we already decided you were at the battle with me, so you knew I was asleep and could not write. And the next day, despite an explanation, my symptoms worsened. But the next day they stopped, so clearly you decided to not make me suffer needlessly. You're lucky I was not able to pay attention to the comings and goings in the hospital wing while I was unconscious, so I'll have to gather information. I'll track you down eventually.

Did you see the news? I'll have an Order of Merlin, First Class presented to me next weekend. Will you be there? I'm sure you will, I just wont know you. Yet.

I was really surprised exactly how many students went home for the impromptu holiday, although I suppose I should not be that surprised, now is a time when people want to be with their families. The Weasleys actually came to Hogwarts to see Ron and Ginny, they are still dealing with losing Mr. Weasley. I am still having a hard time believing it.

Molly Weasley is taking the whole thing exceptionally hard, as you can imagine. I'm sure losing your husband would be awful. Ginny told me that Mrs. Weasley is going to have to go back to work, but she hasn't worked since just a little after Charlie was born. She used to be a Mediwitch, and there is certainly a call for them now, I heard she already has a job at St. Mungo's. Bill and Charlie also seem to be pitching in, too.

Ron seems to have lost all interest in being an Auror, which is not really surprising at all, I think the reality of actually watching people die, and actually killing and capturing dark wizards was more than he was prepared to handle. I think he should go for a Quidditch spot, that would be great for him.

Harry punched Terry Boot when he came up to say hello to me today. I think it's safe to say Harry's not handling things too well, if he keeps this up he wont pass the mental exams to become an Auror. Other then that, everyone is smiling, everyone. I think maybe they're smiling because if they don't they wont be able to stop crying.

Muggles have these doctors, they're called psychologists, they help people deal with loss and trauma and death, I haven't found a wizarding equivalent. We need at least a dozen of them here at Hogwarts, I think.

I found someone who is not smiling today, but he's not crying either. It's Professor Snape. I actually went looking for him. I needed to do some more work on one of my test potions and it really wouldn't do to keep neglecting it, so I went down to the potions classroom and started to do some work on it.

I didn't really think that Professor Snape would be there, but he stumbled in about an hour later, from his office. Apparently he had only just noticed the noise I was making in the classroom. I have a feeling most of the reason he hadn't noticed me earlier was because he was incredibly drunk. Don't tell anyone, I'd hate for him to get in trouble for it, I'm sure there are plenty of people who are drunk right now. It hurts too much to be sober.

I have never known Professor Snape to emote about much of anything, he can be angry, I've seen him angry, but in everything else he's always been very cold, especially to me. When I saw him today, I can only describe what I saw as total pain. He wanted to die, and even more than that, he wanted to know why he hadn't.

I didn't know what to do, so I started back at my work. He came over and sat down next to me, watching me work. We sat like that for more than an hour before he said anything. When he did, he said that a panther is more than a killer, it's a guardian, a nurturer, and a fierce protector. How did he know I was so terrified of what I had done, I haven't transformed since I registered, not even once, I almost couldn't transform when I did go to register. I didn't mention that before, I know. Maybe I will transform again, later, much later, when it doesn't feel like I've made part of my into a killer.

I said There is such a thing as evil in the world, Professor, but it does not live in you''. He left after that, but I saw him at dinner, I hope he's alright.

As you can tell from yesterday, I'm still working on school work, I think I'm using productivity as a defense for my feelings, but I can honestly say that, this time, my schoolwork actually was cathartic. My final draft of my NEWT paper about the love patronus is finished. I wrote about the effects of the spell, I must have relived the final battle a dozen times, washing away the raw emotions.

I remember when my parents died, I was confronted with the reality of it right away, no one to look after you, you don't live in your old house, every day you go out and you come home, and your parents aren't their. It's harsh, it's abrupt, but you get used to it. You don't get happy about it, but you get acclimated. I cried about my parents long and hard, but ruining my life because they are gone serves no purpose. I threw myself into work, and when I stopped to look inside myself, and open up the Pandora's Box of emotion, every time I opened the lid it hurt just a little less.

I've started to become acclimated to the new face of Hogwarts, it will be an evolving process. One day I'll look around and wonder where that fifth year went off to, and I'll realized they're dead, and I'll cry and know that I'm only slowly becoming aware of just how much my world changed.

Minerva told me that she is going to try to find a way to get psychologists to Hogwarts when the new term starts up. I asked her where she got the idea, because I had not brought it up, but she wouldn't say. We've been chatting most days lately, she goes to St. Mungo's a lot, to visit the headmaster. We're still not sure if he'll make it, I hear he looks very frail. I'm going with her tomorrow, there are some people I need to see, and I finally feel ready to do it.

I haven't been in to any sort of hospital since the day I left, and so going to St. Mungo's was not exactly pleasant, but I needed to do it. Minerva went to go see Dumbledore, and I went to visit the Malfoys. Draco and Lucius betrayed Voldemort, they were the reason we got a chance at him. They organized a ball at the Malfoy Manor, invited all of the influential Death Eaters who could be invited, dropped the wards, and the bloodbath began.

Voldemort saw them for the traitors they were and tried to kill them both, but he did not have time to kill them, they were severely injured by Death Eaters during the battle though. Mr. Malfoy had been taken down by a Death Eater named Dolohov, he has my deepest sympathies as the exact same Death Eater, took me down with the exact same spell a year and a half ago at the Department of Mysteries. The spell scrambles up your insides and you die if you don't receive medical attention fast enough. I was saved by the fact that Dolohov was mute at the time and could not send off a full-powered spell. Mr. Malfoy was spared by the fact that I had researched that spell and knew how to stop the damage from progressing.

Draco was bitten by Voldemort's snake, Nagini, and like when it happened to Mr. Weasley, it took a very long time to heal. I visited Draco first, he looked decidedly awful. It was sort of strange hearing him call me Hermione'. I have to get used to calling him Draco' myself, I think we might actually manage friendship of some kind in the long run. He's getting out of the hospital later today and a large part of my reason for coming today was so that I could help him back to school, Malfoy Manor is in ruins. His entire right side is a little numb, but he's walking alright now.

After a few hours, Draco was released and we went down to see his dad. Mr. Malfoy still looks pretty awful. He invited me to call him Lucius when I was visiting with him, which was vaguely weird, but I suppose it'll be alright. He was glad to see Draco and vice versa.

I see this haunted look in his eyes, he's a marked man, and he may very well serve time in Azkaban for what he has done in the past. I think he is not entirely happy about being on the mend either. I would imagine his feelings of guilt are entirely new to him. It's probably made worse by the fact that as soon as he is well enough to leave he will be placed under arrest immediately, and trial soon after. I told him I would speak for him, at the trial. Minerva came to pick Draco and I up, and we went back to Hogwarts.

I think we'll spend the night up in the Head Boy and Girl suite living room carousing over many rounds of butterbeer.

The presentation of the awards for service to the wizard world was today. Harry, Ron, and I received Order of Merlin, First Class. Of course, we weren't the only ones, in the end of it there were several students (including Ginny and Neville), the entire Order of the Phoenix, and dozens of Aurors, many of the awards were given posthumously.

Harry was called up last, and he got his award and he gave a speech. I wrote it for him, he asked me to write something that would inspire our world in the wake of such a tragedy, I did my best. I'm sure the full text of it will be in the Prophet tomorrow. It was all about unity though, Harry spent a large part of the reception afterwards chatting with Draco, although he did do a lot of mingling, a show of support and solidarity as it were.

Remus Lupin was there, he got an Order of Merlin, that makes him the first known werewolf to receive the award. Professor Snape was there too, I'm trying to decide if he was happy about the whole thing or not.

The work is really only beginning, the Dark Lord is dead, the bigotry he represents is still around. People are a little more wary, right now if you say a word like mudblood' or say muggle born' with a condescending tone everyone will question where your loyalties were during the war, but in a few years, it will all be the same again, the root of the poison has to be destroyed.

How?

All the students came back today, classes start up again tomorrow, Minerva introduced the new teachers at the feast. Professor Grubby-Plank is returning to more permanently replace Hagrid, Professor Artemis Dodge will be the new Charms professor, Professor Edmund Williams is teaching Astronomy. Dumbledore has not been allowed to leave St. Mungo's yet, so Minerva is the acting headmistress.

I had a meeting with Professor Dodge after the feast, I gave her my NEWT essay and she'll decide if it is sufficient to be presented as my NEWT paper. I'll meet with Professor Tonks and Professor Vector tomorrow to drop off other copies of the essay. I suppose I could ask Minerva if she thinks my Transfiguration NEWT paper is good enough to submit, I know I really only took about a month on it, but I was really working hard on it the last two weeks.

I work too hard I think. If all of those papers pass muster I only have one left for the year, Potions. I think I've been avoiding working on it, even though it's really important to Remus, but it's also the project that I'm most looking forward to. It is the most experimental, I knew the love patronus would appear, I made Harry practice it all the time, the fact that it killed Voldemort, that was luck, but at the end of the day I knew it would work. When you make a potion, you're not even positive it's not going to kill you, that's terrifying and exciting.

As is painfully obvious by now, I have been quite busy the last several days. Lots of students have been coming around when they can't get in to see the new psychologists. They talk to me about losing parents, and siblings, and friends, they talk to me about missing their old teachers, they talk about missing laughing about stupid little things. Sometimes they cry, actually most times.

I've been to the shrinks (a muggle slang for psychologists) twice myself, it helps me to be available to students more. I also talked to all the teachers I have NEWT papers in too. All approved, with compliments, I suppose all that's left to do it talk to Professor Snape about putting a lot more time and effort into that project. I'll probably need something worked out before the January 11th full moon if I want to be able to finish the paper with plenty of time.

Classes are really crunching now because of all the time for break. The word is that Dumbledore is going to be back tomorrow, it's just what Minerva told me. I was told not to spread it around because it might not happen, but you are hardly just anyone, you wont tell anyone. I hope he does come back, in many ways if Albus Dumbledore is ok, the world is ok. It feels that way sometimes, anyway.

Talked to Professor Snape after Potions class today, he agreed that I would probably not make much more progress if I did not attend to the problem more rigorously, we'll start meeting twice a week, and I'll do more research too. Only eight students are taking potion NEWTs, which is actually a little low. Half of them are Gryffindors, I bet he hates that. I wonder how everyone else is doing, I know Harry and Ron have hardly started research, Neville is going along at a good pace though, but I think he's not as far along on the Potions side of the equation of the Potions/Herbology problem. Draco is farther ahead I think, at least he seems to be getting more results, so I suppose he's the one to beat. I have no idea how the Ravenclaws are doing on their projects.

Professor Dumbledore is back today, we had a huge feast. He spoke quite a few sobering words about being the future of the wizarding world. I really thought about that later, the population of the wizarding world is down probably more than a third from 1975, magical innovation is clearly down, the number of new theories in almost every field is down, and we still haven't stamped out the bigotry that started all of this in the first place, and I have no doubt that there are still Death Eaters out there. Purebloods are almost extinct, but the bigotry continues. I definitely should not deliver the graduation address, it would just be depressing.

First Quidditch game of the year today. It was supposed to be November 1st, but we all know how that turned out. Slytherin couldn't play because Malfoy is still a little injured and one of their chasers was killed in the final battle. Gryffindor played Hufflepuff instead, it was a landslide victory. If Ron keeps playing the way he did today I think he's got a great chance to at least make a professional Quidditch reserve team.

I got my Cunningham's Monthly today, it has my article in it, you should pick up a copy, please. Truly published, it's a dream come true. Seeing my name and ideas in ink really makes me think that academics might be a good place for me. Pity there's no such thing as a wizard university, apprenticeships don't really strike my fancy.

Tuesday, November 25

I took the day off from school today. Before you complain too loudly, it was for Lucius Malfoy's trial. Draco and I went. Dumbledore came as well. The evidence seemed stacked against him from the start, I heard horrible things about him that I had only imagined before today. Is that what Death Eaters are? I suppose I knew they did terrible things. They proved quite definitively that he was a Death Eater. I suppose I should have given up hope then, even if they did not administer the Dementor's Kiss he would have to serve in Azkaban.

Dumbledore gave evidence that Lucius had been working for him since the summer, which was compelling. I think it helped that he said Voldemort would never have been defeated so quickly if it wasn't for Lucius. Draco pleaded for the life and liberty of his father, his mother had been killed late last year, he asked that they should consider that. I don't know how much weight that had, but even in his disheveled state Lucius is still gorgeous and powerful, that would help.

Then it was my turn to speak, I yammered on quite a bit, about finding Lucius a changed man, about needing to reward the ability to listen to morality even though Voldemort's power was at it's height when he defected. I then broke down, and cried. I did not save this man to have him go to Azkaban or worse. I saved him so he could live', I think that's what I said. The panel asked me if I truly meant it, knowing what kind of man he was. I would save him again in a heartbeat, even after having heard him confess to his every sin.'

I stepped down after that. I don't know exactly what came over me, but as I stepped down I gave Lucius a huge hug. Everyone in the room was startled, myself included, but I think I needed to, just to prove to myself I truly forgave him.

It was time for the vote, I'll admit it, I closed my eyes.

The vote was for acquittal, Miss Granger.' Dumbledore said into my ear.

The four of us went to Diagon Alley to celebrate.

Lucius came by Hogwarts after class today to spend a few hours with Draco, he thanked me again, claiming that my words were what swayed the panel. That would be nice to believe.

I went running today, as a panther, I ran around the grounds and through the halls, I ran over Minerva and Dumbledore, I ran over Professor Snape, I ran over Professor Tonks, I think I lost over 50 points from Gryffindor, but when I got back to my room I feel down on my bed and laughed and laughed. There is a killer inside me somewhere, but I saved someone's life, because it was important to me. I guess I had to feel like I wasn't just good for taking life. Saving abstract people who would have been killed if Voldemort lived longer could not undo the feeling that I was a killer, but saving one man could.

Ravenclaw versus Slytherin today, Slytherin lost, their team is still not complete, but they had to have a game this month or else the schedule would be totally off track. Apparently I didn't lose any points last night, weird.