April

Easter Hols are going well, I've been working with Professor Snape almost daily. Harry and Ron have been wrestling with their NEWT papers. I think I have read several dozen papers over the last half week. I'll certainly end up reading even more, though.

I actually really like reading their essays and marking them up. I should probably make sure they never know how much I enjoy that or they'll never let me out of it again. I suppose I would enjoy the grading part of teaching. Staying on top of research would also be a really great part of being in education.

With NEWT papers nearing completion it is starting to really hit me that I will be graduating soon. I decided to look over most of my job offers and send off questions to some of the more interesting prospects.

Working with Professor Snape has truly been an experience. It's really exciting to have the feeling that I might actually be considered a colleague instead of a student. Sometimes we sit around over tea discussing possible points of attack on the problem.

I'm considered the expert when it comes to muggle scientific approaches. Well, Professor Snape hasn't specifically said so, but I suppose that would be hoping too much. It would be nice to know he genuinely respects me as an academic.

Ron has again decided that I've been spending too much time with Snape. I really don't know why he feels the need to criticize the way I spend my time. He said some unflattering things about my ability to attract men while I'm buried in research. Harry told him to buzz off, thank goodness for that. I really didn't feel like getting into an argument over my romantic prospects with the two of them.

I don't think Harry likes Snape any more than Ron does, but at least he respects my right to enjoy someone's company.

It's interesting. I wonder when exactly I started to enjoy Snape's company. When did sitting in his office, drinking tea and discussing Ars Alchemica become one of my favorite parts of school.

Draco brought to my attention earlier today that several kids in Slytherin, and probably other houses, are passing around anti-muggle literature still. It is much more covert than it used to be, but it is safe to say that defeating Voldemort did not put an end to hatred and mistrust.

I really wish there was an answer to all of this. Somehow I feel like the only answer is to go and knock sense into everyone who thinks muggles pollute wizarding genes and culture. Of course, that's no solution at all. I hope someday the practical needs of the wizarding population will overrule the backward thinking.

Why do I feel like the wizard world should be any better than the muggle one when it comes to tolerance? Muggles still have enormous problems with being integrated. Am I out of touch to feel that wizards should be able to put aside differences more readily?

I took a break from work today because Ôthe guys' wanted to play Quidditch, and they decided I needed to get outside. I have to say I agree, it was beautiful out today. I ended up reading most of the time while Harry, Ron, Vicky, Draco, and Ginny played a pick-up game of Quidditch.

Slytherin vs. Gryffindor is the only Quidditch match left in the year. Slytherin is the underdog for the match, but still could win the cup with some excellent play. I'm really glad that despite that they can still enjoy some no stress Quidditch.

Just by reading what I wrote yesterday I can tell I needed some time off. Holidays were meant for relaxation, I can afford a day off.

Back to work today, most of the people whose academic careers I feel personally responsible for are done with their papers. I'm glad that the summer term is dedicated to review. Although, I suppose it's a little shocking to consider that I've finished learning new things in class.

It just sort of snuck up on me today. No more papers to mark up, no more new chapters of books to read, no more original lectures. Were you an academic overachiever, sir? Did it suddenly sneak up on you that school was over and you had to Ômake something' of yourself? What did you choose? Academics? Ministry Employee?

I feel slightly burdened by your assistance many times. I will have to make a life for myself that makes you paying for it worthwhile.

Full moon tonight. Remus is not coming over though. I miss seeing him, but there are really no tests that need to be run. He sent me a note that he was staying in tonight, just as a precaution, but I'm sure he'll be fine.

Easter is tomorrow. I've been in the wizarding world for almost seven years, but I still don't understand why we get break for a holiday that no wizards celebrate. Certainly rebirth holidays have always been popular around this time of year, but I've never been able to discover what wizard holiday was associated with this break.

Thank you for the book, I had no idea Astarte was a witch and that the wizard Easter is her holiday. Why isn't there a holiday for Merlin? Of course, with a Know-it-All an answer only leads to more questions.

Remus sent me a chocolate Easter Bunny. That has to be the best part of Easter, the chocolate. I remember that, and Halloween, were the only days we were allowed candy at home. For mom and dad, being dentist made them obsessed over teeth rotting candy. I sent Cassie a bunch of Chocolate Frogs so she could have her ÔEaster chocolate fix'.

Remus also sent me some really nice muggle ball-point pens. I had mentioned that I was almost out of ink in many of my pens, he's really thoughtful sometimes. Ron doesn't understand why ball-point pens are so cool, I think wizards are really missing out by sticking with quills.

My Ôsecret admirer' sent a book of pressed flowers and observations about their alchemic properties. It's gorgeous, and I have to admire the academic and romantic nature of it. It's quite a thrill to have so much attention. I did get a hint today, green and silver ribbon on the gift. My admirer is a Slytherin, is it too much to hope it's from Severus?

Talk about your wishful thinking. We had been discussing healing flowers a few days ago, but I'm probably just rationalizing my hopes. What do you think, sir? Any idea who the other mysterious person in my life is?

Thank you for the belated Easter candy. You really didn't have to. I suppose you must have felt a little obligated, but I assure you that was not necessary. You really do spoil us sometimes, you know.

Cassandra has been working on her painting quite a lot lately. I don't know if you'd appreciate the hint, but I really think she would love to do something artistic over the summer. I hope to be able to afford to take care of Cassie's education expenses after I graduate, it seems like too much to ask of you to fund her education for all seven years.

I have this feeling that you funded Cassie's education because you actually wanted to fund mine. I suppose that's because I had already had an academic career and Cassie was an unknown quantity.

I will be working on Muggle Studies mostly for the next few weeks. I have to review several years of school work that I was not in class for. Right now, I find myself wondering what I was thinking when I decided to take the Muggle Studies NEWT. Of course, I know exactly what I was thinking. I was thinking that I'm a muggle and so the least I can do is get a certification that I know a great deal about muggles.

I suppose a huge part of me cannot accept not getting a NEWT in every possible subject, with the exception of Divination. I suppose I will never regret not taking Divination, but I would always regret it if I was considered Ôless than qualified' because I decided to pass on taking an exam.

Maybe I'm just a tad obsessed with acquiring qualifications.

I went to help Professor Snape with his research today, he seemed pretty irritated. He made a comment about Ôuseless spies' and I suppose he's feeling a little useless now that he can't spy any more. The big problem with the war ending is that all of the people who were helping us behind the lines are now exposed as Ôgood'.

Lucius Malfoy has not been helpful in the same way he was before the war, which I know occasionally frustrates him. I imagine Snape is feeling the same way.

I suppose that has to be one of the more frustrating issues that a spy has to run up against, the moment when they can't be a spy any more. From what little I have gathered from Dumbledore and Harry, spying had been Snape's life since the first battle. If I sit back and think about it, that's half of his life, dedicated to spying, and now it's ended. What do you do when you are forced to end something that was so much a part of your life?

I have very little to compare it to, I suppose leaving school has the same sort of problems associated with it. A huge part of my life is going to be ending and I will have to take up something else. I can no longer be only a student, I have to find a new identity. Hopefully it will be more substantial then a new haircut and a new wardrobe.

And just to confuse me, Lucius randomly shows up at school today. When I asked him what had brought him to Hogwarts he actually did not have an answer and sort of stood there like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Something is going on with him, and I decided to ask Draco if he knew anything about it.

Draco hadn't noticed anything, and he hadn't known that he dad was coming to school today, so that's doubly suspicious as far as we're concerned. He had disappeared by dinner time though.

Professor Vector asked to talk to me after class today, and wanted to discuss my future. I suppose that's the hip thing to talk to me about lately. She said that she thought that my skills as an Arithmancer were beyond compare and that I would do wonderful whatever I did. It's actually almost tiring, no one wants to tell me what to do, or even voice a preference for a field for me.

Having so many interests academically really is a burden sometimes. There isn't a test I can take to tell me the answer to this question, is there? Most of the places I owled off to ask about what my job there would be like basically said they would let me pursue whatever projects I wanted. Everyone just wants to let me sit back and do whatever I want. I need just a touch of direction, a little direction would be perfect right now.

I actually ended up talking with Minerva later in the day about what it would be like to be a Professor here at Hogwarts. She said that it is really wonderful and that working (and if I wanted to living) in one of the most magical buildings in the world does have its advantages. Dynamic rooms and labs, it seems that in many ways all you have to do is ask the castle nicely if it would accommodate you. Is staying here cheating? Would living here be a crutch to keep me from having to move out into the real world?

I wish that Professor Tonks would have some more theoretical review for our Defense Against the Dark Arts NEWTs. I think here when it comes to crunch time, she's really showing that she's an Auror at heart. For an Auror, it is far more important to know how to block a curse then about the fundamental construction of curses in general. I would never want to criticize her teaching, and he did cover a great deal of theory during the year, but it is still important to review theory, not just practical elements.

Sometimes I really wish that Muggle Studies would also cover some of muggle history. I realize that muggle history in muggle schools is a whole class to itself and that Muggle Studies is not a history course, but history is really important when it comes to understanding why things are the way they are. I suppose I'm just a little frustrated by the fact that muggle history is only important when it directly affects the wizard world, as in World War II. A large part of the wizarding world has muggle roots, it's important that they remember them.

Ars Alchemica wants to publish my potions research! I am beyond excited. It was sort of pathetic but I stayed after class just so I could mention it to Professor Snape. He honestly congratulated me for my success. He told me that I would make a fantastic alchemist, and I almost sighed in frustration, but then he added that most alchemists have a single-minded pursuit of Potions and rarely has the opportunity to work in other fields.

Professor Snape said that if Potions was not my first and only choice of career I would probably have difficulty gaining academic credibility in the field. That was some of the most useful career advice I have gotten. I should see how that works in other fields. I don't think I'm prepared to only work on alchemy, it's lots of fun, but it's not the only thing I want to do with my life.

Getting a compliment from Professor Snape was a heck of a mixed blessing though, somehow, even though I've been wanting him to admit that I am a good alchemist and a good student, I hope he doesn't just see me as a girl and a student. I would like to be an equal, not just a student to him.

I decided, from talking to Professor Snape that I should not go after one of the jobs that focuses on Potions. I talked to Professor Dodge about how much people who focus in Charms are allowed to work in other fields. Charms is apparently also rather insular, and so I think that I would probably not want to work in Charms either. Minerva said that Transfiguration specialists have a lot of opportunity to dabble in other fields, so that's a much more exciting option.

I have hardly been updating you on my Voldemort book, which is in desperate need of a title, because ÔVoldemort Book' is a pretty awful name. Progress is fantastic, while I was working with Professor Snape over break I was often scribbling down ideas for the book, and a first draft might actually be finished soon. Although it's exciting to feel like I'm getting toward the end of this, but the real work will begin once that draft is complete. I imagine it would be best if I could get the book out before next October.

We actually went over some more theoretical aspects of spells today in Defense Against the Dark Arts. I know it's still all review, but I feel much more confident going over it all. Only one more month until NEWTs. I'm very nervous. Of course, Harry and Ron thing I'm being very silly. They're probably right, and a lot of my NEWTs work is already done since the papers are finished. I'm sure it will be fine.