A/N: This is the diary of Hermione´s way back to sanity. She´s come a long way up from the road to Nutsville, and it wasn´t exactly pleasant...
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-----------------------Go with the flow
-----------------------The Past ~~
Hi my precious,
Just sent away my application to any wizard university on this whole goddamn planet. One would think that for a witch of my potential they´d queue up for me, but nope. Not a single owl has been sent to me, I have to do all the work myself. Knowing that I´ll be accepted anyway does not minimize my disgust. At a muggle university I would be welcomed even if I hadn´t known the university exsisted! Damn!!!
Yeah, I know you´re right. I am stuck up, convinced of my very high intellect, conceited and arrogant. What can I say other than: "Hell yeah, and I love it!!" After all my discoveries have helped bringing Voldemort down! Ok, so I didn´t like being stuck in a dungeon with Snape for several months, but the outcome was worth it, believe me.
Our potion trapped the very essence of Voldemort´s being, not his soul since he (he? it? don´t ask me) abandoned that for immortality a long time ago, but the evil core. And Harry Potter destroyed it!
GO HARRY!! GO HARRY!! GO HARRY !! GO HARRY!! GO HARRY!! GO HARRY!! GO HARRY!!
Yes, precious, and this is exactly the reason why I didn´t go to University straight away. There was this war (such a petty thing to say "this war") with Voldemort. Maybe I got a little knack from hanging around in the dungeons and being afraid of Snape and anxious about my parents, friends and the world in general. Or on the brink of madness because of the Newts.
But I think Snape just did the thing. My therapist says in a few months I´ll have gotten over the shock over Ron´s and the whole Weaslyfamily´s near death experience, since they now are all leading happy, healthy, and successful lives.
The shrink also says I hadn´t cried enough or let off steam in any other way, so he prescribed me diary writing and full contact Taek-won Do. And what can I say other than: "I love it!"
So here I am wrestling with insanity while writing to you. Tell me if start laughing like "mwuahahahaha" for no other reason than me wanting ransom for not firing a dangerous new weapon and destroying the earth. Oh, the James Bond movies have influenced me as well, there can´t be a better career for a witch, can there? But it would be very hard to get a volontary date, so maybe supervillain isn´t an option.
Did you know Snape does not wash his hair with normal shampoo (or whatever potions wizards use). No, he takes a potion for dry scalp!!!! Can you imagine this? I would have laughed about it, if it wasn´t for Neville being held by Deatheaters. Snape got him out so I think the ridicule is somewhat diminished.
Oh, I have to go, I´m meeting with Ginny in half an hour. Yes, I am able to visit my friends again, thanks to the floonetwork. They haven´t given me my wand back yet (yes, it´s scheduled for next week) and my apparation licensce is still not valid. But hey I´ll cope, I always do? (oh sweet irony)
See you, precious, don´t be jealous you´ll still be the only one knowing my innermost secrets.
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Hi precious!
Just came back from Ginny´s place. Guess what, Ginny complimented my looks. She said I looked good. Ok, now you have to understand that I stopped washing myself in the last month of the war. It seemed such a petty thing to do, me enjoing a shower while others suffered and died. So I had very filthy hair for two months and I didn´t smell very nice. But I just rediscovered the joys of being without fleas again! And so did my suroundings.
Of course I had to burn my clothes, cut my hair and go to the dermatologist to get rid off that nasty rash. But it´s gone now and I was lucky that there are no scars in my face left.
I haven´t seen either Ron or Harry for two weeks now, I guess they´ll be surprised that I look human again. And that I´ve stopped laughing madly for no apparent reason. Maybe I had a problem. I think I did.
Anyway, what do you think ? Am I mad? Did I break under the enormous pressure and the constant fear? I mean it was hard, but I thought I was harder than the rest, doing what had to be done without wasting time for tears or sorrow. The sooner it was stopped the better, was it not?
Oh, I still have to tell you something. I lost my virginity during that time. To Snape to be exact. It was no love on either side, more like mutual respect. And the sharing of the worst months of my live (he´s probably gone through worse), it seemed like a good way to take our minds off the war.
At that time I still cried. But I got rid off the habit when he was away. I was in total controll of my work and my feelings, the only logic thing to do. I did what was necessary. I have not had sex since then, my therapist says it´s important for my recovering to see Snape again. He says there should be two or three sessions with Snape´s prescence.
Ron and Harry should come too at some point, for they could show me ways out of my emotional stress. They coped with it better, since they tracked down every single Death Eater and put them all into Azkaban. Then they killed off every Dementor that had helped Voldemort and founded a foundation ( what a choice of words) for the victims and their relations.
After that they had therapy for a month, anger management training and long exhaustive Quidditch sessions. And they visited me at St. Mungo´s.
They are such nice boys. Hey, maybe that´s the reason no University wanted me, who wants a madwoman any way?
The doctors said I had developed some neurosises, but thanks to a very new procedure I´ll be as mentally healthy as before.
And they also told me that I´m doing better than expected. So I´ll be back to full action in less than a year.
Gods, I do sound insane, don´t I? I hate the look people give me when I make a joke. They think I mean it. That´s a bit annoying, I considered tatooing "JUST KIDDING" on my forehead. That would probably do the trick, wouldn´t it?
Ginny said that I have changed in a good way. Still a knowing all but as weird as after the war. Just a bit eccentric and hiding my intelligence not good enough for people to like me. She said I had to learn the fine art of lying and being charming anew.
"That won´t be a problem, Hermione, since you look absolutly charming and I am going to help you!" That were her exact words. She is going to give me acting lessons. Ginny is now an actress, you know. She really knows the trick and I do tend to be a little open about my opinions. Now that I have people to talk to again, I shouldn´t piss them off anymore.
Ok, write you later, I am going to take a nice long bath now
Bye Hermione